WWE’s Review Of Takeshi Morishima Not Positive, WWE Food Fight, Jeff Hardy

– Regarding Takeshi Morishima’s dark matches for WWE last week, the reviews weren’t too positive. Or rather, the problem seems to be with his physical appearance.

Dave Meltzer said on Wrestling Observer Live last night that a number of officials were put off by Morishima’s appearance, as he’s quite rotund. Some of them even thought Morishima disrespected his tryout by showing up in lackluster shape. Morishima is a big guy as he’s billed at 320 pounds.

Meltzer also heard pretty much what Jim Ross wrote on his blog on Saturday regarding Morishima as he said he needs to hit the gym and work on his athletic conditioning. On Morishima, Ross wrote: “I haven’t heard a word about how well his matches went. I watched his match in Moline and it was o.k. Not bad, not great. It looks like Morishima might want to focus on his athletic conditioning and hit the gym more frequently. I am not being negative here only realistic. Morishima has “something” that seems like it might be worth exploring. I like his timing and there is no doubt potential with this young man.”

In addition to this, if WWE were to bring him in, they would have to deal with a number of stringent political issues with NOAH officials because his side wants him to get some exposure in North America while still being their guy, then bring him back to Japan to carry the company after hopefully attaining stardom with the biggest wrestling company in the world. Basically, WWE can’t book him like a joke or make him look bad.

Right now, it’s definitely not looking good for Morishima joining WWE.

– WWE’s latest Circle of Champions of feature is on Jeff Hardy meeting Make-A-Wish’s Brad Wendt, of South Elgin, Illinois before last week’s SmackDown/ECW taping. You can read the article on the meeting at this link.

– The operations manager at the BancorpSouth Arena in Tupelo, Mississippi said dealing with WWE was the worst. “The wrestlers, themselves, had somehow decided to have a food fight in the dressing room,” said Craig Russell. “We had mashed potatoes on the light fixtures.” {Article link}

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DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu – SummerSlam Review + Football’ing Wrestlers!

THE WRESTLING MENU #279

Welcome one and all to the 279th edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it comes to discussing all things wrestling.

I am thankfully steadily returning back to 100% after being knocked about by a virus and a half over the past fortnight. The drugs obviously took a while to kick in, but once they did, the improvement was significant. I still have a bit of a cough which is a pain in the a$$, but I at least have the energy to be able to do normal things like move more than a few meters at a time now.

Unfortunately, this virus has not allowed me to attend the last couple of Aussie Rules Football matches where my beloved North Melbourne Kangaroos have sewn up a finals (“playoffs” for you Americans) spot after a 6 match winning streak. That, plus the fact that the English Premier League has started its season has resulted in my imagination running wild with an interesting 3 part series which I begin today in the ‘Dessert’ section of my column.

Elsewhere, I would like to direct you to 2 other columns on the LOP main page after you’re done getting through the Menu. Firstly, congratulations go to a new columnist colleague of mine here on LOP; Andy Savana. His main-page debut is well worth your time, so give his ‘Chamber of Pain’ a read when you get a chance.

Furthermore, if this Menu doesn’t contain enough DaveyBoy goodness for you, then you can get even more of yours truly in the August edition of ‘Fact Or Fiction’, which has recently been posted by my PPV Predictions sparring partner Skittlez.

But don’t head off to read those 2 columns just yet as there is a 3 course meal about to be served up to you…..

APPETIZERS

More WWE Releases

As most expected, WWE did not stop at the half a dozen or so wrestlers they released approximately 10 days ago. A few more have been released over this past week, so I thought that I may as well remain consistent and spout out a few comments regarding the recently departed “Superstars”…..

STEVIE RICHARDS: Having had extended stays on the sidelines due to injury and other reasons over his WWE stint, I think Stevie and WWE did well to continue their relationship for this long. Hell, there was even some kind of a promotional push given to Richards earlier this year when WWE ran a couple of vignettes regarding his throat surgeries over his career. Most fans like Stevie and you can count me as one of them, but in truth he was nothing more than an enhancement jobber and I can see why WWE are moving on to give a younger body a try in that same role.

COLIN DELANEY: This release surprises me a little. While Delaney was never going to be a long-term ingredient in WWE, I can’t see the point of signing him to a contract in the first place if they were to let him go this soon. Furthermore, once the trigger was pulled on his heel turn (a turn I disagreed with by the way), I don’t know why a couple of storylines were not at least explored. Strangely enough, I never discounted Delaney having a short ECW Title reign in a Mikey Whipwreck kind of way. Hell, it seemed consistent with the way the title is booked!

THE HIGHLANDERS: Poor old Robbie & Rory… WWE never really took them too seriously and tended to treat them as a comedy act more than anything else (“I’m Robbie”). Before they even debuted, I recommended in my column that they would work best as a part of a stable and I still believe that to this day. They definitely had some talent in an old-school tag-team kind of way, but with the way WWE books tag-teams these days, I guess the writing was on the wall right from the very beginning. If it wasn’t then, it surely was when they half-a$$ed a heel turn a while back!

CHERRY: WWE gave Cherry a try in the ring, but wrestling was never her strong point and the company knew that right from the beginning as she was brought in as a professional manager as such. With Deuce & Domino breaking up & Domino flicked the week before, I guess that WWE didn’t see much worth in Cherry, especially since she didn’t have the diva look similar to Maryse. No great loss I suppose.

Referee WES ADAMS: This decision amazes me. After giving veteran referee Nick Patrick the boot, getting rid of your next best ref seems absurd. Ahhh, who am I kidding, I have no idea which referee Adams was.

MAIN

’SummerSlam’ Review

For those that cannot recall my previous PPV review columns, this is the key that explains what the final PPV Rating means:

<50: Ask for a refund for not only your money, but also your time. [F] (Armageddon ’04)
50-54: Mediocre & disappointing. [D] (EG: No Way Out ’07)
55-59: Average. [C] (EG: Vengeance ‘07)
60-64: Worth A Watch. [C+] (EG: Great American Bash ’08)
65-69: Good event that was worth the money. [B] (EG: Night Of Champions ’08)
70-74: Very good. [B+] (EG: Judgment Day ’08)
75-79: Make sure you add this ppv to your video or dvd collection. [A] (EG: Royal Rumble ’08)
80+: Make sure that the video or DVD is locked in a safe & cannot be erased. Memorable. [A+]

MVP defeated JEFF HARDY: MVP goes for his kick to the face pseudo-finisher multiple times at the beginning of the match, but Jeff is seemingly ready for the strategy & able to counter. A belly-to-belly throw by the heel gains him control and he follows up with 3 interesting looking submission holds. An attempt at a 4th – a backbreaker – is countered however, leading to solid back & forth action. The finishing sequence then sees Hardy hit a Whisper in the Wind to set up his Swanton finisher. But a distraction by Shelton Benjamin at ringside leads to the Swanton missing & MVP following up with his drive-by kick for the victory after 10 minutes. This was significantly better than the previous ppv match these 2 had and made for a handy opener. Thankfully, the mid-match heel offense was at least something different here, although I still believe these 2 could theoretically put together something better. Match Rating… 7.5

SANTINO MARELLA & BETH PHOENIX defeated KOFI KINGSTON & MICKIE JAMES to Win the InterContinental & Women’s Titles: The 2 ladies kick things off with some pretty intense action before Santino is tagged in to allow Mickie to get some crowd-popping offense on the man with the unabrow. Some mixed signals between Glamarella then allows the champs to hit a flurry of offense, with Mickie especially impressive when handing it to Beth. The Women’s Champion then takes it one step further by hitting her DDT finisher on Santino, but the distraction by the Italian allows Phoenix to hit her chicken-wing faceplant finisher on James for the pinfall at the 6 minute mark. This was a sufficiently entertaining intergender match which delivered what WWE intended it to. I was once more very impressed with the action the 2 women delivered, while both men were disappointingly tame from a wrestling perspective, but contributed well to the entertainment factor. A solid overall package that could have done with a couple of extra minutes. Match Rating… 7.5

SHAWN MICHAELS & CHRIS JERICHO SEGMENT: HBK comes to the ring with his wife Rebecca (who looks a lot different to the Nitro Girl I remember from a decade ago) and announces that on doctor’s orders he has decided to retire from professional wrestling. Michaels highlights some of his career highs & lows before being predictably interrupted by a suit-wearing Chris Jericho. Y2J demands an admission that it was he who retired HBK. Shawn admits that, but throws in some unpleasantries for good measure before asking Jericho to promise to tell his wife & kids that he will never be Shawn Michaels. This leads to an intense stare-down and Jericho eventually throwing a straight right towards his adversary. HBK ducks and the punch hits Rebecca flush, knocking her out. These 2 have been great on the mic throughout their feud & this 14 minute segment was no exception as they took fairly simple subject matter & made it engrossing, as well as a means to an end which is of course to continue the feud while adding an extra ingredient. Segment Rating… 7.5

MATT HARDY defeated MARK HENRY by Disqualification in a Match for the ECW Title: 20 seconds of to’ing and fro’ing ends with Matt hitting the Twist of Fate out of nowhere. But Tony Atlas drags Hardy off the cover and lays into him at ringside, causing the DQ result after just 30 seconds! Jeff Hardy then emerges to make the save and the brother’s double suplex the huge ECW Champion at ringside. Well, it looks as if nothing has changed when it comes to the booking of ECW Title matches on pay-per-view, as this becomes yet another short nothing match which only succeeded in gaining an after-match crowd pop due to a non-ECW roster member! Occasionally I ask myself why I haven’t been watching the weekly ECW show of late. This answered my question. Match Rating… 2.5

CM PUNK defeated JBL to Retain the World HeavyWeight Title: JBL takes less than a minute to lock on a headlock, but CM Punk gets the better of the opening exchanges, ending them with a dropkick, suicide dive to the outside and then a top-rope cross-body for a 2 count. The heel challenger works his way back into the bout though & gets a 2 count of his own with a fallaway slam off the turnbuckle. The pace then predictably slows as JBL alternates between restholds, suplexes & clubbing blows. Punk eventually hits a flurry of moves, but his ribs cannot complete his GTS finisher and JBL scores with a clothesline & numerous elbows.

The 2 then look out on their feet as JBL counters a top-rope move for a powerslam & a 2 count. Back up on the turnbuckles, JBL hits a back superplex for another 2 count, but he then has a huge clothesline attempt countered into the GTS for the champ to retain after 11 minutes. This was not too bad of a match at all. To be honest, I’m uncertain that these 2 are capable of much better than this and they struggled to make it last it’s not so long duration. But that duration was about right and this was pretty good for what it was because it contained enough action when all was said and done. If anything, the out-of-nowhere finishing sequence could have been performed a little better, even if it is putting over the suddenness of the GTS. Match Rating… 7.5

TRIPLE H defeated THE GREAT KHALI to Retain the WWE Championship: Triple H goes for an early Pedigree but has no luck as Khali lands an early 2 handed choke-slam. The giant Indian then goes for the kill with his vice-grip finisher, but H escapes and hits a chop-block. To ringside the 2 go, where Khali gets the better of the action following a chop to the head. Back in the ring, the heel challenger goes to work as the crowd chants “You Can’t Wrestle”. Of all things, Khali replies with a resthold before H eventually escapes & attempts another Pedigree. Khali counters with a backdrop to the outside though, before the 2 go back & forth on the apron. The vice-grip is once more locked on, but H hulks up, avoids a clothesline & hits the Pedigree for the win after 10 minutes. I suppose these 2 did well to get to that match duration and there was less dead time than I thought there would be. But this was still pretty average and brought down by its predictability & inevitability. Match Rating… 6

BATISTA defeated JOHN CENA: Despite the lack of a favorable crowd reaction, Cena slightly has the better of the opening back & forth’s, which even includes a near-fall for both men. Cena has an early F-U attempt countered & Batista takes the opportunity to hit a chop-block. Big Dave then continues to channel Ric Flair by locking on a figure 4 leglock, but Cena buys some time by eventually getting free & dumping his opponent to ringside F-U style. The trademark Cena offensive flurry follows, before Batista scores with some intense shots of his own. It is then Cena’s turn to go low & he subsequently locks on the STF-U, which Batista eventually breaks by reaching the ropes. The Animal then counters an F-U attempt with a messy looking rear choke. A spear follows for a super close near-fall, before Cena amazingly counters a slam attempt to land an F-U for a 2.9 of his own.

The 2 then slug it out on the top-rope, before Batista counters a Cena leg-drop attempt for a messy looking powerbomb and yet another false finish. This literally enrages The Animal who scores with a huge kick to the head & follows it up with the fatal blow that is the Batista Bomb at the 14 minute mark. Wow, that was one hell of a back & forth high-impact match that was simply a non-stop ride and a half. In fact, maybe it was too much so as there was hardly a spare second to take it all in. They seemed to be in a rush to get where they were going and in retrospect the duration was never going to get to 15 minutes. Don’t get me wrong though, while this did have a couple of messy moments, it was still very involving, entertaining & memorable, whilst having no wasted moments at all. Match Rating… 8.5

THE UNDERTAKER defeated EDGE in a Hell In A Cell Match: Edge successfully conveys pre-match eagerness for the challenge he is about to face & takes that attitude into the bout as he attacks from the get-go. But his eagerness is used against him by his opponent who quickly takes the action to the floor & begins to use the cage as a weapon. Edge has some success with the help of the steel steps though & then follows it up with some chair-shots while setting up tables & ladders everywhere. The first use of the furniture comes when Edge uses a chair to help him put ‘Taker through a table for a 2 count. Back to the floor they go where Edge hits a huge spear on the Phenom… So huge that the 2 went through a panel of the cell in a crowd-popping spot! This brings the announce tables into play and Edge hits another huge spear across & then through one of them to the amazement of the crowd! The 2 eventually get back in the ring where Edge gets a 2 count with a camera shot to the head, but ‘Taker gets the same result by countering another spear into a choke-slam.

As we cross the 20 minute mark, it is then Edge’s turn to score a near-fall with an Impaler DDT and he gets just as close with yet another spear. A Last Ride Powerbomb then gets a 2 count for The Undertaker, before Edge foolishly attempts old-school only to be choke-slammed through 2 ringside tables! It is then revenge time for the dead man as hits a spear, a camera shot & a conchairto before ending this grueling match with a tombstone piledriver at the 27 minute mark. A thoroughly satisfying main-event, this may have had a couple of slow passages, but they were more than made up for with a few huge spots and a terrific finishing sequence which cleverly played into the long feud that these 2 have had. It is a little shame that WWE had to go overboard afterwards and have Edge choke-slammed through the ring & then set on fire! This match of the night is a genuine match of the year contender. Match Rating… 9

PPV RATING (56/80) = 70

Looking at the key, I have basically given the 2008 version of ‘SummerSlam’ a ‘B+’ grade & said that it was ‘very good’. I am ultimately glad that this event was able to reach that mark as I thought it was exceptionally solid when discounting the ridiculously short ECW Title Match. All of the undercard bouts (& segment) did their job well with most providing good quality entertainment in one form or another. Meanwhile, the 2 main-events very much delivered to their potential despite not being entirely perfect. This wasn’t quite up to the standard set by the 2002 version of SummerSlam, but in a way it was structured similarly and was all the better for that.

DESSERT

3 Part Football’ing Wrestlers Series

I seriously don’t know how this topic idea entered my mind not long back, but it did and I’m going to run with it for some fun. Starting today and then to be included on my next 2 columns, I am going to name what I believe would be the most appropriate team that the current WWE roster would field in 3 separate football codes. Today I list (and explain) which WWE superstars would make for a good soccer team, while in the following weeks I will do the same with both Australian Rules Football and American Football.

I hope that is clear enough. If it is not, I am certain you will get the gist as you read on (presuming you at least have a basic knowledge of the sport of soccer)…..

WWE’s Soccer Team

Goalkeeper: Edge

Defenders: Jeff Hardy – Finlay – Paul Burchill – Shelton Benjamin

Midfielders: Rey Mysterio – Shawn Michaels – Chris Jericho – Carlito

Strikers: John Cena – Randy Orton

Substitutes: Kane – Vladimir Kozlov – Matt Hardy – Santino Marella – Mr.Kennedy

EXPLANATIONS

EDGE (GK): Edge best fits the bill as a soccer goalkeeper because he is the most athletic of the taller WWE wrestlers. While he is not built as solidly as most goalkeepers, he does have near-perfect height. Meanwhile, his seemingly long reach should work well in combination with his athleticism to be able to give him the best chance possible to keep out those well-directed shots heading for the top corner.

JEFF HARDY (Def): Most soccer teams have a wing-back who seems to spend more time running up the sidelines trying to set up goals rather than staying back and defending them. Jeff fits this role perfectly as you could just picture him bursting past his midfield team-mates trying to get involved in a piece of the offensive action, while his manager frantically urges him to get back and play his role in defense.

FINLAY (Def): The Irish are decent soccer players and Finlay fits the role of a defender (or maybe a defensive midfielder) who is able to handle the opposition’s strongest forward, while also serving out some physical punishment to scare the pretty boys in the opposition out of their tiaras. In other words, he is the team thug.

PAUL BURCHILL (Def): It is arguable that the English are decent soccer players as well (although their non-qualification for the latest European Championships would suggest otherwise). Burchill has deceptive height and strength which should serve him well as WWE’s centre-back, while he also has above-average speed & athleticism which suggests that swifter opposition strikers shouldn’t take too much advantage of him.

SHELTON BENJAMIN (Def): If one wide defender is usually enigmatic like Jeff Hardy, the player in the position on the opposite side of the field is usually the player full of potential, but who can never quite take that next step to greatness. Benjamin fits this role perfectly from both a wrestling perspective, but also in terms of his stature as he is about the right height, weight and has all the athletic factors required to fill the role.

REY MYSTERIO (Mid): Often soccer teams will have a tiny but lightning fast wide midfielder-come forward who terrorizes opposition teams and looks most dangerous without ever actually doing a great deal (similar to Tottenham’s Lennon or Arsenal’s Walcott). Rey Mysterio fits this role perfectly and if he was to be on the same side of the field as Jeff Hardy, it would literally be the entertaining train-wreck that a wrestling match between the 2 would be!

SHAWN MICHAELS (Mid): I thought the closest thing the WWE has got to someone who could control the midfield of a soccer team would be Shawn Michaels. This position on the pitch is usually reserved for someone around the height of 6 foot tall, someone with experience and someone who can move around fairly well without being the very best athlete on his team. Shawn Michaels fits the bill well and the clinching factor is that he may be the most reliable person come game time that WWE has.

CHRIS JERICHO (Mid): Soccer teams with good depth will usually have 2 of the Michaels type and simply play an alignment which is able to fit both men in. Jericho easily fits the bill as the next HBK and could very well play a slightly more defensive midfield role for the time being, while slotting in to the Michaels role if injury saw HBK spend some time on the sidelines.

CARLITO (Mid): What would a soccer team be without some South American flair in it? Carlito is the closest thing to a Brazilian or Argentinian that WWE has and similarly to some of their soccer players, he is also a frustrating youngster with more talent than his output would suggest. Plus, he would have serious cushioning effect when heading the ball.

JOHN CENA (Fwd): Who else would be the man to score all the important goals? Fans of this soccer team would suggest that his team-mates do all the work while Cena simply finished things off, but it would soon become clear that this striker was in fact a rather hard-worker and especially important member of the team overall to the point it wouldn’t quite be the same without him.

RANDY ORTON (Fwd): Orton would be the striker that most people (even some of his own team’s supporters) love to hate. He would often go games on end without getting a touch of the ball, but would always come good when his place in the side was questioned in the media. Often scoring goals when a game is all over, his height and athleticism shows unlimited potential, but his injury-prone body would also count against him at all the important times.

———————————————————–

KANE (Sub – GK): Backup goalkeepers are usually backups for a reason. They show some talent, but will usually only go so far in their careers. Sometimes it will be the tendency to not quite perform to the best of their ability when it matters most and sometimes it will be an impromptu crazy mistake which will have them only used when injuries and other factors force the #1 man out of the team. Yep, Kane fits that bill perfectly, while having about the right stature for a goalkeeper.

VLADIMIR KOZLOV (Sub – Def): If Finlay was finding it difficult to fulfill his role in the team due to a lack of height (most likely due to the height of an opposition striker), then someone would be required to fill that role as a substitute. Kozlov seems perfect to me and rather does remind me of a few defenders who tend to play very well against the more lumbering opposition forwards, but get turned inside-out by anyone with just a little bit of pace.

MATT HARDY (Sub – Def/Mid): It is always important to include a Mr Fix-It on the substitutes bench just in case a number of occurrences happen. Matt Hardy plays the role of the versatile hard-worker for WWE very well and I could see him also successfully completing such a role on the company’s soccer team. Whether he is required as a defender, midfielder or even a striker, just call on Matt and he will try his darnedest to get the job done.

SANTINO MARELLA (Sub – Mid): While many soccer teams have some European stars as their best players, for every superstar there is about 10 of the same type who don’t even deserve to be playing in the same division… Yet they do because they are indeed European, even if they probably have been recruited from Serie C in Italy! These players will talk the talk, but will most likely not walk the walk come game time. Marella fits this bill perfectly.

MR.KENNEDY (Sub – Fwd): Lurking on the substitutes bench for every soccer team is a potentially gifted striker who seems to play best when coming off the bench to usually score a late winning goal. Yet, when the same player is started, he tends to not gain the same results that his manager would like over a 90 minute period. Just like in WWE, Mr. Kennedy is poised to take the role of a main-eventer from someone such as Orton… He just needs to capitalize on the opportunity when given the chance to do so.

Well, that was something a little different! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did compiling it. #279 also saw another pay-per-view in the books. If there is anything you agreed or disagreed on with regards to my ‘SummerSlam’ review, please don’t hesitate to email me. Ditto if you believe I missed an obvious WWE wrestler who would make for a good soccer player. Please just be a little patient with my reply getting back to you though, as I still have a dozen or so pieces of feedback to respond to from my last column due to my illness putting me a little behind. My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com, but if you are an LOP Forums member, it would be much appreciated if you could leave feedback on my thread at http://www.lopforums.com/showthread.php?t=159

With the next pay-per-view only 3 weeks away, I will most likely take next week off from column writing. But fear not, I will unleash edition #280 of the Menu at you on the 3rd of September where I will predict whatever the hell event we are next coming up to, as well as throwing another batch of WWE Superstars onto a football field. My column will be posted at the same Wednesday time on the same LOP channel. Until then, this is DaveyBoy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses.

And remember that DaveyBoy’s Album Reviews can be viewed at: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/user_reviews.php?memberid=268913

DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu. 2002-2008

Fact or Fiction: Mike Adamle’s heat, Cena vs. Batista, SNME and More!

Welcome one an all to the August edition of Fact or Fiction! An interesting mix of talents we have here without question. Of all the groups I could have bunched together, this one takes the cake. Guys from all walks of life. Two Lords Of Pain fossils (one of the true originals and the longest tenured columnist in LOP history), perhaps the greatest sigmaker alive and two columnists who are primed and ready for their Main Page deflowerings. I know its the same song and dance every single month but my job is to inform the uninformed so skip down a few sentences if you know the deal already. In this column, we take five individuals and confront them with five wrestling-related topics. It is their jobs to choose whether a statement is “FACT” or “FICTION” and then must justify their decisions with lengthy explanations. Alrighty then… it’s on with the show. Before we officially kick things off, let us introduce the participants.

The volunteers for today’s proceedings are…

Tito author of The WRATH of TITO

DaveyBoy author of DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu

Noc heralded sigmaker from the LOP Graphics & Testing Forum

EB4 author of Breaking the 4th Wall

JoeyShinobi author of The Shinobi Slam

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Fact or Fiction: Saturday Night’s Main Event isn’t used properly anymore and should therefore be discontinued.

(Tito) I will say FICTION only on the basis that whenever the WWE can obtain a big national TV contract, they should sink their teeth into it no matter what. From a fan’s perspective, though, I’ll sit on the fence and say FACT. Point is that fans are over-saturated with WWE stuff. Back in the day, you caught highlight shows or watered down syndicated shows that had stars mauling jobbers. Plus, there were less Pay Per Views. When SNME aired, it was like a Pay Per View event and you could finally see star wrestlers fight each other.

(DaveyBoy) Suggesting that Saturday Night’s Main Event should be discontinued because it hasn’t been used properly is akin to saying that gimmick characters should not appear in professional wrestling due to The GobbledyGooker. FICTION. Halting the network televised special is the easy way out. If it hasn’t been used properly the last couple of times, surely the brains behind WWE can earn the big bucks they are making, learn from their errors and begin to use the promotional avenue which they have been granted more aptly. In other words: Begin using it properly! Of course, whether the actual network continues to allow WWE the opportunity to make SNME a success is a totally different question.

(Noc) Firstly, who the fuck is stupid enough to ask a graphics guy about wrestling opinions? Way to go Skitz :/ (Insert “Laugh Out Loud”). Secondly, and I suppose most importantly, I’m going to hit this straight out and give this to FICTION on a split decision. Partly fact as I don’t believe they have been used properly since they were brought back from the perspective of most fans; however as a marketing tool and ploy to grab some extra cash from our rears they have been quite successful. If a fan wants to be immersed, they have to watch all programming… simple as that. They may not be terribly successful but obviously they bring in enough cash to make them worth the expense, and so based on that alone they should stay.

(EB4) Well, to be honest I haven’t really been watching SNME since like the first two times it returned, probably due to the damned spoilers. As a kid though, I saw when I could. I am seeing now that I’m not missing much, and the SNME I prefer is used to further big feuds before PPVs, with some wrestling sprinkled in. I know they wasted that shot this past edition as well as some others so yes, I find that today’s SNME misused to an extent. But, it doesn’t mean it should be discontinued, because anything the WWE does can be changed. The thing is that the E is very set in their ways. I guess due to the ‘and’ in this question, I say FICTION. But, I do find that SNME could be done better.

(JoeyShinobi) For me, anything WWE air on television needs to be storyline focused. I think it’s great that the WWE are interested in raising awareness on autism, and that they’ve linked up with some of the big draws in Hollywood to do it, but putting on an exhibition show with a couple of half-hearted matches doesn’t do justice to the cause, or the performers. As for SNME, televised exhibition matches don’t do a lot for that program’s legacy either. Its original success seemed to stem from the exclusivity of being able to watch the biggest stars on free television; now, we can see all of these guys every week anyway. Why would we tune in to see them on a Saturday night now, when we can see them on a Monday, a night where generally, we don’t really have better things to do? Oh yeah, fact or fiction…well, I call fact on the first part, but fiction on the second. The nobility of the cause is something I think the WWE is right to endorse and is right to promote. SNME is so sporadic these days anyway that calling time on it forever may not be the smartest move, because I think it may have a use later on. I’m going with FICTION.

Fact or Fiction: The SummerSlam bout between John Cena and Batista is the biggest draw currently available in the WWE.

(JoeyShinobi) Well, given that I firmly believe that Cena and Batista are two of the most overrated senior talents the WWE currently have, I have to call FICTION. Although well aware that Cena is probably the biggest star the company have, I don’t think he provides value like Edge, Triple H or The Undertaker, although to be fair to him, he does seem to have spent most of his time since WrestleMania putting JBL over to the Raw crowd. Batista, to me, simply isn’t very interesting. He’s a poor man’s Rock. The other thing that leads me to call fiction is the timing of this ‘feud’, as they are both premier faces on Raw. If one of them were to have turned heel, and then started the feud, I might have a different answer. But SummerSlam’s card features a couple of matches I’m looking forward to seeing far more than Cena and Batista, and at the top of that list is Edge vs. Undertaker. That’s the biggest draw, for me. After that, Triple H vs. Undertaker, that’s a match I’d really like to see. Either could very easily turn heel (I’d wager it would be H) to make this feud a mouth-watering prospect. Cena and Batista don’t have that kind of draw, because their characters are not developed to a point where they can make a feud genuinely interesting – the fact that Creative have had to ‘spice it up’ by making them tag champs (and in the process, shit on two of their hottest next generation prospects) suggests that they aren’t capable of real chemistry just by what they do in the ring and what they say and do to each other in storyline. One day, they will be ready, and the fact that people were hyping this showdown for Houston suggests that one day, this will be the biggest draw. I hope they don’t ruin it now, because to me, this rivalry isn’t ‘ripe’ yet.

(Tito) I’ll suggest FICTION because Batista has never been a legitimate draw. His many matches with HHH during 2005, I believe (maybe 2006) were total drags in Pay Per View buy rates. He’s been getting mixed reactions for years and he doesn’t have the work rate to get a superior Pay Per View match out of John Cena. That’s where guys like Edge or Shawn Michaels should come in, especially to make SummerSlam, a top tier WWE event, look great.

(DaveyBoy) As much as it is one of the true fresh match-up’s between WWE main-eventers, I’m calling this FICTION. There is clearly a demand for it due to the ‘freshness’ factor, but I still don’t sense that it lifts the anticipation to the astronomical heights befitting of calling it WWE’s current biggest draw. I may have considered it more strongly if the feud had been building up for longer or even if one of the wrestlers was actually a heel, but for fear of being boring I still feel a pay-per-view headlined by Triple H vs Cena would outsell a Batista vs Cena show. In fact, WWE’s Big 3 right now are arguably Cena, Triple H & The Undertaker… Any combination of those 3 in a 1 on 1 match would most likely draw better than Cena vs Batista, despite all match-ups already having occurred in the past.

(Noc) FICTION alllll the way. Yes it’s a huge draw but I’m pretty damn sure Undertaker vs. HHH is a bigger and better draw simply put. Although Batista versus Cena is close, I really doubt people would care as much as ‘Taker vs. HHH. There’s just something about the Attitude era stars that makes it so appealing I guess.

(EB4) I’m gonna say FACT. I say this because this ‘big’ feud has yet to be done. I mean HHH/Taker now could be bigger, but I like feuds I don’t see, or at least portrayed in a different way.(HHH/Orton in 04, HHH/Orton in 08) This one involves arguably the two most dominant guys in the E, save for H. Cena and Batista is a feud that I’ve wanted to see happen for a while, and I believe I am not the only one with those sentiments. Perennial faces, perennial champs, now feuding over who is better. What could have made this better would be a belt, on the line and if this happened in the springtime.

Fact or Fiction: Mike Adamle is without question the most hated General Manager to date.

(EB4) FICTION. Vickie Guerrero is the most hated GM in history, no question. Ever. Adamale’s hate isn’t even based on the GM job but more about the ECW fans who are upset about his announcing, and still are even though he doesn’t do the job anymore. Besides, so far I think he’s done well, save for the same problem he had while announcing, which is nowhere near as bad as it started out. Eventually, he may become the most hated, but I see him as more of a Tweener, and I think a tweener GM is something the E should have already implemented at least on a trial run.

(JoeyShinobi) Interesting question, this. Adamle is in a strange situation in that most of his heat is not derived from storyline actions, but from his supposed ineptness on the announcer’s table. In terms of crowd heat, Vickie Guerrero has this category nailed down, unfortunately for Adamle. Most of her heat has come about from her relationship with Edge, her annoying voice, and the perception by many smarks that she’s cashing in on her late husband’s name. I think she’s proved the majority of those people wrong, because she’s been a key component in one of the better storylines of the year. Vickie has been the top heel in the company for quite some time now, Adamle has really just looked out of depth, however much his perceived ineptness may have been building towards this storyline. On a side note, I think it’s kinda funny that people are still commenting on his lack of preparation and how it detracts from the quality, pointing to his cue cards he used on stage – without considering it might well be a gimmick. On ECW, he was a mediocre announcer on what can be quite fairly called as a mediocre production. But the first Raw in August, where he opened the show, he managed to get a fair number of cheers once he’d started making matches. He won’t be popular, by any means, but seeing as the question involved the words ‘without question’, I’m going with FICTION. Adamle is probably more intensely hated by a much smaller proportion of wrestling viewers. Vickie is generally disliked by everyone – Adamle isn’t a big enough deal yet for a lot of people to care.

(Tito) This is complete FICTION. Eric Bischoff had a reign of terror for what, 3 years, and was very much hated because he was the former WCW boss. Plus, he actually had the sleaziness of his old WCW self around. I thought he was great as RAW GM and he kept my interest. The mere shock value of Bischoff running a WWE show is enough alone, but he did a fairly good job in those some odd 3 years or whatever to merit being the most hated GM the WWE ever had since the brand concept was invented in 2002.

(DaveyBoy) You usually have to do something to be really hated and Adamle hasn’t exactly done much in his role thus far to be so hated, so this is an easy FICTION. And that first sentence can be viewed from both a kayfabe OR real-life view-point! Pretty much any heel GM can book dastardly handicap matches which will see a face battle the odds. But will Adamle do a William Regal and book himself in title matches…??? I think not. Will Adamle do a Vickie Guerrero and physically interfere in a match costing Rey Mysterio the World HeavyWeight Title…??? Maybe, but until he does, he cannot be classified as the most hated General Manager to date. And hey, who can forget Eric Bischoff!?!?!?

(Noc) Hated. Very ambiguous word when used in the realm of Pro Wrestling. However, I’ll take the good heat version as the definition of choice for this question and therefore give this a resounding FICTION. Uncle Eric was way more successful in getting heat on RAW and was the best, most hated GM in the history of RAW. Maybe after a couple of years, Mikey boy can try to compete with him. However, first off he just needs time and experience in the role. Secondly, he’s going to need some good storylines to help him get more hated in a good way.

Fact or Fiction: The Big Show will continue to feud with mainly monster heels until 2009.

(Noc) I think this depends on the main part of the question as I don’t think there are enough of the monsters for him to feud with over the next four months into 2009. I’m highly confident that he will end up swinging between heel and face and put over at least one smaller person if not two by ’09. Therefore, I judge thee: FICTION.

(EB4) FICTION. He did the Khali feud, there’s Kozlov, and possibly Mark Henry. Especially with the release of BDV, there just aren’t enough of them and I for one am happy that this is the case. I’ve personally grown tired of it. But, I think the novelty act is played, and to be honest, this Fiction is more of a hope fiction, because I do think that is the future of Big Show, which would be a shame even though I am interested in a Show/Kozlov feud.

(JoeyShinobi) I hope to hell this is fiction. Big Show has proved himself, since his return, to be one of the most versatile and engaging performers the WWE has. He’s dying for a decent storyline, and someone like MVP will provide a far more engaging spectacle to watch than seeing Show against Mark Henry again, and it also represents an opportunity for someone like MVP to perhaps add a big scalp to his resumé. I’ve got a soft spot for Show (no homo), he was involved in the angle that got me into wrestling (the 4-way title match at WrestleMania with Show, Triple H, Foley and The Rock), and his story and his return makes him deserving of more than participating in these freaks of nature matches he consistently gets himself embroiled in. Big Show should be used in one of two ways, for my money; either as the experienced mid-carder, like a Michaels or a Kane or a Jericho, putting on good value feuds and pulling other mid-carders up and onto bigger and better things, or he needs to be used as a bad-ass battering ram, creating chaos around the title scene. Monster heel matches bore the shit out of everyone, they’re slow, they generally involve obviously unfit and immobile performers, but Show is better than that, and deserving of more. In any case, he’s faced them all – Khali, Mark Henry, Kane – since February. The only one left worth bothering with is Umaga, and the big one, Undertaker. Taker will be tied up with Edge and Triple H for a good while yet, so I say FICTION.

(Tito) This is FACT. What else is the Big Show going to do? He’s too big to make fans believe that a John Cena could ever beat him in a legitimate fight. That’s always been the problem with the Big Show dating back to when he was the Giant in WCW. Who can legitimately take him in a fight that’s on the WWE roster? I don’t see many, if any at all. Thus, the way to book him is to have him act as a circus freak show and pray that it draws. Otherwise, change up his role a bit… Kevin Nash was a loser until he became a cool bodyguard named Diesel.

(DaveyBoy) Having just written a column about The Big Show’s “Stealth turn” to a face via nothing more than a horrible cheesy grin, nothing would surprise me about how WWE use The Big Show over the next 5 months. Seriously, his comeback has been nothing short of a disaster by my reckoning and WWE shows are better for not including him right at this moment. His feud with Umaga has been put on hold due to an injury to the Samoan Bulldozer, but that feud still appears to be the plan for the next month or so. With Khali, Bam Neely and even ECW’s Mark Henry still in the equation, I suppose this comment is FACT and The Big Show will continue to feud with mainly monster heels until 2009. I’m unsure I care to be honest.

Fact or Fiction: Kane’s latest push will ultimately lead him to a World Heavyweight Championship reign.

(DaveyBoy) I have always been a fan of the Big Red Machine. Just as importantly, I have always been a fan of Glenn Jacobs due to his loyalty and ability to take whatever crap WWE have thrown at him and somehow make do to the best of his abilities. But unfortunately that crap over the years has really derailed his character to the point where he should never be in serious World title contention (excluding the ECW Title of course, which simply doesn’t count). Unless I am in for a surprise, this latest push does not appear to be anything we have not seen before. So while it could result in him challenging and putting over a reigning champion, I cannot see it resulting in a World Heavyweight Championship reign. Therefore, this is FICTION.

(Noc) Nope. Not a chance. FICTION. End of. Kane will at the most get a title shot but even then the whole Psycho part MLVII will most likely culminate in putting over the current face Champion whether that be Punk, Cena, Batista or someone else. Kane just doesn’t ever seem to get anywhere anymore and so I’m going to greet history and agree with the mofo; Kane isn’t gonna reign. And that makes it 5/5.

(EB4) FICTION. Has anything Kane ever done led to a WHC reign? The ECW one doesn’t count, that was a “Thanks for jobbing” gift. This may lead to a match, and to be honest I didn’t know that this was a push that Kane was getting, I mean he always intimidates people. But, I figure that one day, Kane will get a top title reign, for he doesn’t deserve to have a one day reign on his otherwise pretty impressive record. Wow, 4 Fictions and 1 Fact. Did not see that coming.

(JoeyShinobi) Is this a push? He was thrown into a number one contenders’ match, and lost it, and he’s not really involved with anyone at the moment. Kane should be dominant if he’s getting a push, and at the moment he’s not really owning anyone. I was really looking forward to where this angle was going, and now I’m a little bit confused by it all. Anyway, it doesn’t make sense for Kane to be given the WHC at the end of all of this, he’s supposed to be confused and distracted and completely unconcerned with winning anything. So, here be the full house – FICTION.

(Tito) Ha, whatever… FICTION! Let’s run down the embarrassments in Kane’s career. First, the guy can shoot fire out of the ground and yet he can’t ever kill his own brother, the Undertaker. Paul Bearer is his father and yet that was completely forgotten when the Undertaker killed him a few years ago. Katie Vick, anyone? The unmasking was the biggest joke, ever, especially with the poor haircut. Having to look weak for Shane McMahon… the list goes on. He’s been a big victim of Triple H’s demolishing of main eventers throughout the year and was thus told to fans that he can’t main event. They’ll screw up this push as they’ve screwed up many in the past. If he gets the belt, it won’t be for long.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Well that’s going to wrap things up for now. Hopefully, you enjoyed what we brought to the table. If not… go complain about it elsewhere because you’ll get no sympathy from us crybabies. A quick shout-out to Noc for providing us with one kick ass column banner. If this wasn’t enough to satisfy your taste buds, don’t hesitate to check out the LOP Columns Forum for more wrestling goodness. These guys along with many others get the job done on a daily basis down in the forums. Do us a favor and go take a look before they resort to a life of crime and cheap sex. On a happier note, check back this time 30 days from now for the next breathtaking installment of Fact or Fiction. But don’t look ahead too soon. Why not tell them exactly what you thought? Sounds like a great idea to me! Below are the emails for the respective participants. Now go and write them if you know what’s good for you.

WWE House Show Results from Bridgeport, Connecticut 8/22/08

Report sent in by Chris Buonacquisto

I just got back from the RAW house show in Bridgeport, CT and it was a very
good show all around.

The show started promptly at 7:30 pm and the arena was mostly full with no
areas tarped off.

The merchandise stand was very typical and predictable with nothing
noteworthy at all. Cena, Batista, Punk, HBK, Jericho, Hardy’s…all you
would expect because it sells well to children.

Before the show starts, Tony Chimel announces that GM Adamle wanted us to be
involved so he said we can decide the stipulation for the World Title Match
by texting a letter to the particular number. The choices were: Falls Count
Anywhere, 2-out of-3 Falls, or No DQ.

Match #1 – Snitsky v. Primeau Colon
- Thought it was going to be a snoozefest but turned out to be quite a nice
little match. Colon was impressive and seems very athletic. Snitsky went
for the big boot in the corner, Colon rolled him up for the win.
Winner : Primeau Colon

Kelly Kelly went into the crowd to ask a fan a trivia question for a
“special prize”. The question was “Where was WrestleMania held this year?”
The guy got it right and he won 4 front row tickets.

Match #2 – Lance Cade v. D-Lo Brown
- Gotta love having D-Lo back. Good back and forth match. Brown hit his
spots but missed a Frog Splash at the end. Cade hit him with his sit-down
spinebuster for the pin.
Winner : Lance Cade

Match #3 – Jaime Noble v. William Regal
- Very technical match with Regal dominating throughout. Regal tried to go
for the Regal Stretch, Noble turns it into a backslide for the W.
Winner : Jaime Noble

Match #4 for the World Tag Team Championships – Priceless v. Cryme Tyme
- Priceless cuts a promo saying that C.T. should apologize for stealing the
belts and that we are all thieves too for cheering for it. This prompts
them to come out and the match begins. Pretty standard heel v. face tag
match. Shad has DiBiase pinned but Cody comes off the top behind the ref’s
back to allow DiBiase to roll over for the pin. Priceless celebrates with
the belts again in their possession until C.T. attacks them and steals the
belts once again.
Winners and still Champs : Priceless

Match #5 for the Women’s Championship – Beth Phoenix v. Mickie James
- Very good women’s bout, these two work very well together. Mickie once
again falls to Beth after her front face slam.
Winner and still Champion : Beth Phoenix

Intermission

Match #6 for the Intercontinental Championship – Santino Marella v. Kofi
Kingston
- Santino cuts a great promo about Glamarella’s big win at SummerSlam and
even though partner’s have to have each other’s back, every once in a while,
they have a rough day. He then proceeds to comfort Beth and saying its ok
she was a little off at Slam, and that he had her back and thats why they
won the belts. Beth leaves the ring and Santino yells, “you did good! you
did good!” Very good match with your typical high spots. Kofi goes for a
monkey flip in the corner, Beth holds Santino’s leg so he doesnt budge,
Santino capitalizes for the duke.
Winner and still Champ : Santino Marella

Match #7 for the World Championship – CM Punk v. JBL in a No DQ Match
-Typical brawl with lots of cookie sheets, trash can lids, the MIC and the
steps. Punk nails the GTS for the W in a very good match. Crowd was behind
Punk the whole night.
Winner and still Champ : CM Punk

Match #8 – John Cena and Batista v. Chris Jericho and Kane
- Y2J cuts an awesome promo which garners him loads of heat. Cena and
Batista were insanely over with the crowd! Classic heel v. face main
event. Cena played the face in peril for a long while. John Cena’s dad was
in the front row and Jericho made it a point to drop Cena on the rail right
in front of him. Batista gets the hot tag and goes rabid. Doubleteam on
Kane, Jericho attempts to save but just walks out on Kane. Cena hits the
FU, Batista hits the spinebuster for the win in a very good main event.

Biggest Pops:
1. Cena/Batista – no question
2. CM Punk – insanely over too
3. Kofi Kingston
4. Cryme Tyme

Biggest Heat:
1. JBL
2. Jericho
3. Lance Cade
4. Priceless

Overall, it was a very solid show put on the stars of RAW. CM Punk is
really getting a great following which is good. Cena and Batista are always
over in Connecticut so its no surprise they were the biggest pops of the
night. Very enjoyable night of wrestling. No mention of a return.

Pnk’s Thnks 6: Dance Dance

Thank You, Noc.

Pnk’s Thnks 6:
Dance Dance

Hey! Pleasure seeing you here! It’s me, the girliest wrestling fan on the block, Pnk. Oh you know, the girl who promised threats but moved on to a promise. Yes, it is in fact I, coming at you from my super secret fort in an undisclosed location. So how has everyone been since our last meeting? I was a bit drained after that, so it’s taken me a while, but I’m back like the stalker chick from the bar last night. Speaking of my last column….

I’d like to start by thanking everyone who took the time to send me some feedback after my last edition. I truly wanted to answer every single email but it eventually became a flood, and with work I haven’t quite been able to answer them all. If you are some of the people who didn’t hear back from me, I do apologize. I did read every single email and message. Another thing I want to touch on is how much it means to me that some of you opened up to me. Really. I didn’t expect to get so many stories of your own struggles or experiences that shaped your lives. It truly was an honor to read some of them, and I will never forget it. 

So yeah, it’s been a while, and I truly apologize. Between packing up, moving, and unpacking, not to mention a bit of personal business to take care of, I wasn’t able to get this out sooner. 

I’d like to mention for a moment how much I’ve loved CTC. Really. I love Cena. I love Cryme Tyme. Cryme Tyme + John Cena can only = Amazing. Plain and simple. It was an interesting yet unexpected twist of events that I enjoyed a lot, and it’s hopefully not the last time we see them as a team. Honestly, the three work well together and Cryme Tyme are perfect for Cena, who may have lost some toughness over the past couple months. Don’t know if anyone caught RAW on the 14th, but Cena’s promo had to be the most intense and on point promo he’s pulled in a long time. 

Now before you go off, yes, “JBL is Poopy” was lame. And yes, Cryme Tyme Cenation isn’t exactly the most Thuganomic name ever created (Really WWE? Did you think that was going to sound cool? Or hardcore? Because in all honesty when you hear “Cryme Tyme Cenation” you don’t think “Thug”. Therefore, I think I’ll call them CTC. Kinda tells you a lot about who is writing for The E). But the fact remains that Cryme Tyme getting some time in the spotlight is never a bad thing. With them having teamed with Cena against JBL and the team of Rhodes and DiBiase Jr., hopefully we will see something good come of it.

Another thing I want to comment on is how happy I am that the whole Vicky/Edge thing has ceased and desisted. I hate Vicky, and I hate Edge, but I’d rather Edge just be alone than make out with Vicky one more time. I just gagged in my mouth a little just remembering them kiss. 

Last thing, I hate Mike Adamle. Really. No fricken joke, the man annoys me more that Umaga’s gibberish. Or JBL. I am quite interested to see how this whole General Manager thing works out for him. This may be his cup of tea because God knows commentating wasn’t. It was, however, a surprise.  That, along with CM Punk’s title win and Cena and Batista’s gaining the tag belts, have shown the WWE to be all about the surprises these days. Even if they don’t exactly work well.

Okay then, I’m done blabbing about randomness. Time for the good stuff huh?

Small story before I begin, as it will explain how I came up with today’s topic. Like most chicks, I took dance lessons most of my life. For the most part I took ballet but I did some hip hop and even got forced into some classes where I was taught traditional Latin American dances. I loved it, even toyed with the idea of letting it become more of a career choice, less of a hobby.

Then one day my ballet instructor, in front of my whole class, told me that both my feet and body type are not those of a ballet dancer. Now, at 21, I would punch the woman in the face or, at the very least, bitch her out in Spanish. Alas, I was not 21 at the time but merely 12, and ended up crying the whole way home, where I told my Mom I hated ballet and didn’t want to take it anymore.

I still took other dance lessons and remained very much in love with dance, hence addicted to dance reality shows. So I was watching America’s Best Dance Crew (Let’s go Super Cr3w! I love So Real Cru like mad but they aren’t as good as Super Cr3w. Best of luck to both though! ) and I began to think how television viewers are….

Dance Obsessed

That’s what America has become. Dance obsessed. Oh what? Don’t believe me? Well, go to your television set and check the listings. MTV re-runs America’s Best Dance Crew at least once a day. Not just that show, but So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing With The Stars, Rock The Reception, and Step It Up And Dance proving what America really wants to see. Dancing. Reality television would suffer without the genre, and I think they are more important than any other type of reality show. 

The WWE was ahead of this curve, though. They’ve had dancing on their show since way before television became one big dance party. 

Cryme Tyme’s Hot Coal Hop 

That’s the only way to describe this jig of sorts. It really is funny to watch Shad and JTG hop from side to side all while holding up their baggy jeans and looking fly as hell. It’s funny how I look forward to seeing them do it. I really do. I even once got up and imitated it around my living room for kicks. Unfortunately, I wasn’t alone and ended up making a bit of a fool of myself. Oh well. They are the only guys thugtastic enough (Really? Did I have to hear Lawler say “thugtastic”? I could have lived my whole life not hearing that from him.) to get away with it, to be honest. 

Cena could never get away with it. Can you see Cena doing it and managing to keep his street cred? Nope. Hell, he almost lost it when he decided “JBL is Poopy” was a good idea for a tag. *sigh* Thank God I like him so much or that would have been a big no-no in my book. 

Another thing I love about this dance is how funny it is to see their chains jumping up and down. 

Oh, and speaking of jumping up and down….

Jeff Hardy’s Air Hump

Jeffrey really is the funniest dancer out of the bunch. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Give this a watch:

Jeff Hardy’s Entrance Dances

Watching that had me giggling like a school girl, and not because of his looks (I’m never going to understand how chicks find him cute. He’s okay, but Matt…now he’s the dreamboat). Watching him dance is like watching a boy bander having spasms. First he comes out crouched over, low to the floor taking big steps. Every now and then he even does the classic boy band signature, “grab the sides of your head” move. Then, like a multicolored, freaky bearded Jack in the Box, he jumps up into my favorite part of the whole thing.

The Air Hump.

This part of his “dance” is most effective when he has a championship belt wrapped around his waist. It’s hilarious, as sometimes that belt bounces so high it could hit him in the face. How the hell he came up with this one can only wonder. Maybe when he moonlighted as a Chippendales dancer? Sometimes I think if he ever goes to clubs he must be the guy everyone avoids dancing with.  Or even near.

Of course, we also have the classics…

Too Cool and Scotty 2 Hottie’s Worm

Seriously, there is no way you can write a dance column without Too Cool. In 1999, Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hottie gave us some of the most amazing dance performances ever seen before a wrestling match. That, and big yellow sunglasses. They could truly do it all. Most importantly, though, Scotty brought us The Worm. 

Really, who else can take a harmless dance meant to entertain the masses at wedding receptions and bring it into the ring to do some damage? The correct answer would be no one.  No one else. Seriously, these wiggers got way into character, even pulling the rapper gimmick well before another white boy decided to pick up the act and run with it. (I know, I mention him far too often. Sue me.) 

Then they one upped themselves and brought in another member to the dance crew. Damn skippy, you better know who I’m talking about. None other than the missed Rikishi. Yes the big man was able to bust a few moves himself. Good stuff overall. Really though I think of all the people I’ll mention, they are the WWE’s most successful dance gimmick. It could be the outfits, could be the men themselves, but in the end they will always be remembered.

Oh, yeah. A column about dancing would be nothing without….

Extreme Exposé and Kelly’s Exposé

This little group gave us the amazing Layla and Kelly Kelly. They never really made any sense to me, though, and here’s why. 

It’s ECW. Not RAW, not Smackdown. It’s one of the reasons I don’t blame hardcore ECW fans for bitching about how watered down the legacy of ECW has become. A dancing group on RAW or Smackdown, hell, even the now dead Heat, would make sense. But on ECW it just looked silly. I’ve heard the argument once that because ECW is so filled with testosterone, it needed a little estrogen to mix things up. Sure, perhaps that’s a valid thought, but dancing chicks? Couldn’t they just wrestle?

If that wasn’t enough, they then decided that Kelly Kelly needed her own dance segment. *sigh* Alright, fine, but again, why on ECW?

As to the actual dancing, they weren’t that bad… though they weren’t that awesome, either. Actually, I think I much prefer the older version of this group. That’s right, can’t have a column about dancing in wrestling without….

Nitro Girls

In all honesty I remember very little of WCW because I was a WWF kind of girl. I do remember the Nitro Girls though. Eric knew what his audience wanted, pretty girls in skimpy outfits shaking their goodies for men during commercial breaks. Ain’t nothing better to entertain you while you wait for TNT to tell you everyone what movie they were playing all weekend.

They even gave us a nipple slip way before Janet Jackson made it cool to do. That, my friends, was the original Nipplegate. Not only did they give us boobies, they gave us Stacy “The Legs” Keibler, Sharmell, and the amazing Kimberly Page (gatta love DDP).

This next one is for a former LoP columnist we all know and love. Degenerate, thank me later. Ladies and gentleman….

Shawn Michaels Striptease

Man does this man love to dance. And he’s not absolutely horrible. Now if anyone is a moonlighting as a stripper, it’s HBK. I’ve always been a huge fan of the outfits HBK wears to the ring and when writing this column, I never realized just how not out of place the man would be in a club surrounded by ladies making it rain on the him. The outfits are made to be shimmy and shaken out of. Vests are good for this purpose. I guess it’s better than seeing a fatty in a thong shaking it like the rent is due tonight (shout out to Big Dick Johnson).

Enjoy this clip, I know someone who will:

HBK, the dancer.

I think this video best represents the kind of dancer Michaels is. A dancer for the ladies. Plus I love me some Gym Class Heroes. Of course now that HBK is a man of morals and conviction we get less of the dirty dancing but that’s what Youtube is for my friends, to remember the good times.

Of course, one can also never forget this amazing, amazing man….

Vince McMahon

Oh yes, the man that has brought dancing to your wrestling programming for years has gone so far as to contribute to the revolution. I’m not even talking about that stick up his arse walk of his, though that thing really is quite a dance in and of itself. Try doing it in a club sometime. You may look silly, but you’ll get some attention, and some attention is better than none at all, my friends.

But no, I don’t mean the strut, I mean this:

Vince McMahon’s Stand Back Performance

Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t even attempt to ignore this gem. The man gave us everything we could ever ask for in a performance: Back up dancers in shiny dresses with ruffles (I think I owned one similar when I was… Oh, I don’t know, 8 years old in my aunt’s wedding.) and big hair, a snazzy outfit that resembled something pulled from the reject bin of the Saturday Night Fever wardrobe closet, and big moves. Anyone ever try to tell you that Vince hasn’t given us anything entertaining? Show them this. In all honesty, the best thing about this to me is how balls out (no pun intended) Vince is when performing. You don’t see Bill Gates doing this crap. Or even the Donald. Nope, only Vinnie Mac. 

Actually, now that I think about it, he kinda looks like he’s doing a jazzier version of the strut. 

If I’m to be honest, though, none of the men and women seen thus far can even begin to compare with this next man. My man. I’ve seen this guy live, and I instantly knew that he was amazing. No, amazing is not even the world. Brilliant. Yep, that’s the one. Many of you may not know him, so I have the amazing pleasure of teaching you all about:

BxB Hulk

Now, before you judge a book by the picture on the cover, just let me tell you about this guy.

It’s pronounced BB Hulk, and don’t bother asking why the “x” is in there because I don’t know (I’m a wrestling columnist, not a encyclopedia). He wrestles for Japan’s Dragon Gate promotion, though I had the amazing pleasure of seeing him live courtesy of Ring of Honor. He’s an angel in white, just look at him. Not only can the man wrestle, but as you soon shall see, the man can dance.

BxB Hulk’s Entrance

Gatta hand it to the guy, that entrance music of his is amazing and totally right for getting you into the mood for some dance magic. That’s what his dancing is people. Magic. In Japan he even gets a couple Japanese ladies to be his back up dancers. Sometimes the dance routines are intricate as hell, other times they are kind of simple. Doesn’t matter though because in the end, the guy wins you over. When I saw him live, a whole bunch of streamers had gotten stuck to his leg. He didn’t notice and went to the turnbuckle to do a backflip off the top rope. As he flipped, a huge grouping of the streamers followed him in the sky. Prettiest thing in wrestling I’d ever seen.

Really, BxB Hulk is more than an amazing dancer. He’s an amazing wrestler. Guy is a beast and if you want to see good wrestling, watch the man. You won’t regret it. I promise.

Hell everyone should be watching more Ring of Honor and Dragon Gate, less TNA. Just saying….

If this had really been a contest, BxB Hulk would have won it all. Hands down. He IS Wrestling’s Best Dancer.

BOOYAH!

I’m done for today. Sorry this wasn’t quite a wrestling column of sorts but one I got a kick writing. I’d like to thank my editor who helped me get this all in working order. Yall would have no idea how many times I erased this thing and restarted. I think I got what I wanted done and now it’s out for you to enjoy.

You know where to find me friends. PnksThnksFeedback@gmail.com Also remember there is a feedback area in the LoP Forums. Sign up and join in on the fun. You’ll never want to leave… or maybe you will? If you want more columns than what the MP has to offer, head over to the LoP Columns Forum. My favorite place on earth. After my super secret fort.

Okay you guys, I’m back on schedule. No more breaks for me. A month was long enough. Next time I may even have a special guest.

Until then, I’ll see you when I see you folks.

Much love,
Pnk <3

PnksThnksFeedback@gmail.com

Hustle Is Posting Right Now: Volume 16 (“Where The Managers At?” Edition)

 

 

Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc

“I ain’t crazy, I say shit that’s crazy to crazy people to make em
believe I’m crazy, so they can relate to me..”

Well said, Mr Mathers. That sounds about right. What’s poppin, ladies and gentlemen? Your party host is back, welcoming you to yet another edition of the column that’s sicker than your average.. the column that’s been nice since niggaz was watching movies on Beta.. yes, indeed, welcome back to “Hustle Is Posting Right Now”. That, of
course, makes me Hustle, and it’s nice to see everyone back again. Before I even continue on with this intro, allow me to take this time to thank all the people that have sent me feedback about my previous column. It was much better received than I expected it to be, but as usual, that may be due to me being my own toughest critic than anything else. It’s just good to know that, for one reason or another, some people out there seem to like me. Ha. I still apologize for the column not being up to par, and especially for the lack of colored fonts and graphics. I had to get that damn thing posted ASAP and didn’t have
time to mess with picture searching or things of that nature. Alright, I just had to get that out of the way before anything else was accomplished in this edition of HIPRN. After a few months of being live and direct from Orlando, Florida (and it’s various suburbs), I’m now back in the place where it all began.. Honolulu, Hawaii. Ya boy was getting homesick, so I needed to return home for a while to take in the sights, the food, and the people. My flight landed last night, at about 8pm, Hawaii time, and after a night of partying, politicking, and even some Madden 09 playing, I sit here at 6am, ready to give you another column. Now I think its time to get it crackin like crab legs. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less
dew eet!!!

When I was a kid, there were a lot of things that drew me into the world of pro wrestling. I was a fan of the larger-than-life characters. I was a fan of the music (if you were a fan from my age range and you DIDN’T sing along to “Real American” every time you heard it, then you were from Mars and were a crazy martian man that I didn’t want to be around). I was a fan of the storylines and how they
intertwined so well. The list could go on and on, to be honest. Thing is, though.. those things are still very prevalent in pro wrestling today. The characters are still larger-than-life (although there’s much less of a focus on “characters” these days, and instead there’s more of a focus on “real people”), the music is still good in its own
way, and the storylines are obviously still there. However, one of my favorite things about wrestling from when I was a kid is now dying off before our very eyes, and some folks will say it has already died.

Managers.

Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. James E Cornette. Paul Bearer (aka Percy Pringle). Mr Fuji. Sherri Martel. Miss Elizabeth. Sunny. That list can also go on and on. Managers were an extremely important part of the wrestling industry, whether it was merely to build heat (of the face
or heel variety) for their wrestlers, or maybe to do the speaking for someone who may not have had the ability to do it for themselves, for one reason or another. Go back and watch old tapes of wrestling from the 80s and early-90s, and you’ll rarely see a match on any particular card that didn’t have a manager involved in it. They were all over the place, and sometimes it was more entertaining to watch a face manager and a heel manager go after each other during a match than the match itself.

These days, however, managers aren’t even really managers anymore. They’re merely “valets” and/or useless pieces of T&A. Its sad to sit back and think about that. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with a nice set of tits or a great ass, but most of the women doing the managerial jobs these days have no managerial skills whatsoever and are nothing BUT nice sets of tits and great asses. Hell, sometimes
they aren’t even bringing that to the table. For example, let’s use Cherry of WWE fame. What the hell was she bringing to wrestling when she managed Deuce & Domino? She’s not all that great looking (well, in comparison to the rest of the women that are currently in the company, anyway), she doesn’t have one of the better bodies of the WWE women, she isn’t helping with anybody on the mic, etc. She’s just.. useless. The most recent example of an
actual honest-to-goodness manager in WWE before the current time was probably.. hmm.. Daivari, and now he’s not even doing that anymore, and is instead wrestling as part of the TNA roster now. Well, I guess you could count Matt Striker as a manager, of sorts. Actually, what
the hell would he be considered? He doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything for long enough to claim a particular title of any type, whether it be hosting his own show, managing, wrestling, or just appearing in random backstage segments.

I want to take this time to take a look at managers through the years and to discuss some of my favorites. I’ll be taking a long look at the “past”, “present”, and “future” of pro wrestling managers, and as you’ll quickly take notice of, the “past” section is full of names, and the other sections.. not so much. I was kinda hoping that the sections like “present” and “future” would have better representation than they did, but it was extremely difficult to sit here and place names into those categories, which says it all about the current state
of pro wrestling managers. They’re an endangered species. Kinda like black men who prefer to date black women. Yikes. Where the hell did that come from? I apologize for that. Its the truth, but I still apologize for throwing it out there for no real reason.

The Past 

Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
The single greatest manager I’ve ever seen, and he gets that same exact compliment from people who’ve been around for longer than I have, so that’s gotta count for something. As a kid, even when I was cheering the faces and booing the heels, I just couldn’t help but enjoy Bobby’s work. He was funny. He was willing to do whatever it took to help his wrestlers win their matches. He was a great mouthpiece for wrestlers such as Haku, The Barbarian, and Andre The Giant, among others. He was, simply put, everything that a pro wrestling manager is supposed to be. One of the really sad things in recent pro wrestling history is Bobby’s bout with throat cancer, and
how it has robbed him of the ability to still go out and perform in the business that he’s excelled at for decades. He was even a great commentator, as his work during the 1992 Royal Rumble match proves. Seriously, if you haven’t seen that match, do yourself a favor and check it out, whether its on Ric Flair’s first DVD set, in the Royal
Rumble Anthology set, or even on YouTube or DailyMotion. It’s worth your time, trust me. Enjoy the work of “The Weasel”. Then again, its damn near next to impossible NOT to enjoy Heenan’s work. You younger wrestling fans really don’t have any idea on what you’ve missed out on.

James E. “Jim” Cornette
One of the better promo men in the history of the
business. When I say that, I mean overall, and not just in the managerial world. This good ol’ country boy from Kentucky has a commanding (read: loud) voice, and even though he’s one of the quickest talkers you’ll hear, he rarely slips up on his own words, which is amazing. With his trusty tennis racket in hand, “Corny” was always ready to help his wrestlers out to get them wins, and although
I wasn’t “supposed” to, I liked him, anyway. Don’t get me wrong.. I enjoyed seeing a face get their hands on him, if for no other reason than the comedic selling that he’d do whenever he was beaten up, but it isn’t like I wanted him to be beaten up and then to disappear forever. I was perfectly fine seeing the Rock-N-Roll Express beat him up one week, only to see him back on TV the next week, running his mouth as only he could. His only real downfall may be that he’s a bit too “old school” and has a difficult time reaching the “new school” wrestling audiences from time to time. Not that he can’t or won’t
adapt, but its just that he loves the past so much and seems to be genuinely disappointed that a lot of that isn’t what seems to work these days. He’s still a great wrestling mind, however, and one that genuinely loves the wrestling business.

Paul Bearer (aka Percy Pringle III)
Although I’ve heard nothing but good things about it, I never really got much of a chance to watch the Percy Pringle character. Instead, my first experience with this guy was his debut as Paul Bearer in the very beginning of 1991. I was hooked almost instantly. The high-pitched voice was a good selling point for me, but those expressive faces that he always made is what really put it over the top for me. I genuinely feel that if it wasn’t for Paul Bearer, we wouldn’t be sitting here, talking about The Undertaker in mid-2008, or at least not in the current tense. He was that important to the character. For damn near 15 years, Paul Bearer and The Undertaker worked together in one way, shape, or form. Either Bearer was Taker’s manager, or he was managing those who Taker was feuding with, whether it was Kane, Mankind, Vader, The Executioner, etc. You just don’t see longevity like that anymore, people. His name has appeared in news and rumors again recently due to Kane’s “Is he alive or dead?” storyline on Raw. For those who don’t know, or if you just
forgot, Bearer is Kane’s storyline father who was “killed” during the Great American Bash pay-per-view a few years
back (although, due to complaints, announcers had to say, on-air, that Bearer was just seriously injured, and not dead, as it appeared). On Bearer’s personal website, he danced around answering the questions about if he’s the person that Kane wass talking about, which, of course, sets the rumor mill off. As we’ve now found out, it wasn’t Paul Bearer that Kane was referencing, but it was still fun to think about it. Even if he’s not set to make any
sort of a return, Paul Bearer still goes down in wrestling history as one of the greatest managers of all-time.

Tammy “Sunny” Sytch
One of the last great female managers in wrestling that was more than just a pretty face. Many of you reading this that were watching the WWF at the time will agree with this next statement.. for the few short years that she portrayed the Sunny character, Tammy Sytch may have very well been the single best looking woman in the entire history of the business. That’s not even any type of
exaggeration or hyperbole, either. When she was a heel, she was such a convincing bitch (although from various people’s opinions, that wasn’t an act), and yet, she still got cheered for what she did because she was so unbelievably hot. That’s typical guy shit, if you ask me.. if a woman is beautiful, we always seem to look past all of her negative traits, no matter what they are. Her work with The Bodydonnas (Rest In Peace, Chris Candido), The Smoking Gunns, and The Godwinns was fun, seeing her go from team to team, managing whichever team was holding the tag team gold. After various personal problems that she has had to deal with through the years, she’s made a bit of a return to the pro wrestling scene as a part-time member of the Ring Of Honor roster, but her best work was, of course, in the WWF in the 90s. That simply can’t be denied, and I’m sure that even Tammy herself could agree with that.

Mr Fuji
It’s easy to overlook Mr Fuji on the list of the greatest managers in wrestling history, just like it was easy to overlook him as any sort of a threat in the matches he managed in. He was a smaller, unassuming looking man, but those who paid attention saw that he was one of the most dastardly heel managers of all-time. Not afraid to get involved in the action with a well-timed flag pole shot to the back of some hapless face wrestler, or even his trusty handful of salt that blinded more men over the years than love has, he was in the category of managers that you weren’t supposed to root for, but you
had a hard time not just doing it, anyway. BANZAI!!

“The Doctor Of Style”, Slick
One of my absolute favorites when I was growing up, “The Doctor Of Style” helped me to know that it’s alright to sing aloud, regardless of whether you’re a good singer or not. Pardon me.. *ahem*.. turn ooooouuuuut the liiiiights.. the partyyyyy’s oooooverrrrr! That was fun. From his flashy clothes to the singing to one of the greatest entrance themes (and video) of all-time with “Jive Soul Bro”, Slick was just entertaining any time he was on my TV screen. As a kid, how could I ask for much more than that? Hell, how could I ask for much more than that NOW? It was so good to see Slick make an appearance at
WrestleMania 23, especially because he still looks great and looks like he could still handle his managerial business today if he wanted to. However, he’s a man of God now and has found peace in his life outside of the ring, and I could never hate on a guy for that.

Paul E. Dangerously (on the right, alongside someone on the left who was never heard from again)
Better known to today’s fans as Paul Heyman of ECW
fame, this man played the sleazy conman really well. Come to think of it, a lot of folks that know him on a personal level would probably tell you he wasn’t playing any role when he did that, but that’s a different story altogether, I suppose. I was a fan of his work in WCW, leading his “Dangerous Alliance” to numerous title victories, ranging from tag team gold to the United States Title. With his “Zack Morris” cell phone, he played his part to perfection, and heaven only knows how many different phones he had to go through after bashing them over the heads of various wrestlers through the years. Upon leaving WCW, he went on to use his hatred for the company to form the original Extreme Championship Wrestling as a vehicle to be everything in wrestling that he felt WCW wasn’t, and the rest, as the kids like to say these days, is history.

“The Mouth Of The South” Jimmy Hart
With his colorful airbrushed jackets and
megaphone-projected voice, you always knew when “The Mouth Of The South” was around. One of the better motivators in managerial history, Jimmy could always be heard shouting encouragement to his charges, whether he was a heel or a face. He played both roles well, and seemed to legitimately be having the time of his life every single time he was on TV or pay-per-view. That’s another thing that seems to be missing from wrestling today.. not everyone seems to be enjoying themselves when they’re out there performing in front of the fans. They’re supposed to be out there living a dream, but not everyone seems to be acting as such, which is also a true shame. Maybe they
should watch old tapes of Jimmy Hart?

Sherri Martel
She was known by many names. Names like “Sister”
Sherri, “Sensational” Sherri, “Scary” Sherri, “Sensuous” Sherri, and even “The Queen”, but through all the various nicknames, one thing she was always known as was a great manager. One of the toughest women wrestlers of any era, her transition into managing was smooth and effortless. She managed a seemingly endless line of wrestlers through the years, and no matter who they were.. race, personality, face/heel orientation, etc.. she fit right in alongside every one of them. Her version of Shawn Michaels’ “Sexy Boy” entrance music is still a classic. She left us too soon, though. It was fun to see her inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame before she passed away, however, just to see how much fun she was having and how happy she seemed to be. Rest In Peace.

Miss Elizabeth
It was almost impossible not to like Miss Elizabeth. She was known for doing so much by doing so little. She didn’t have to come out and cut 20-minute promos for anybody, nor did she have to get physically involved in matches time and time again. She was merely
there for motivation and inspiration, and for “Macho Man” Randy Savage, she was all that and more. When the “Mega Powers” of Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage broke up, it was because of her. When The Undertaker first turned face, it was because of her. She just drew people into storylines on an emotional level. One of my favorite Elizabeth moments is an easy one.. Savage, down on one knee, saying,
in his own unique style of speaking, “Lizabett, wiiilll youuu marry meeee?”, followed by a long pause and Elizabeth’s response of “Ooooooh yeahhhhh” and the crowd going crazy. Also, think back to the event that led to the marriage proposal in the first place.. Savage had turned heel and aligned himself with Sherri Martel, and had just lost a “career-ending match” to the Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania 7.. after the match, Sherri turned on Savage, attacking him as he was still down in the ring.. until Elizabeth made her return, fighting with Sherri and then reuniting with Savage to a HUGE face pop. The woman simply knew how to tug on the old proverbial heartstrings. She’s
another one, however, that has left us too soon, although I’d rather not get into the discussion about what did and didn’t go in during the last few hours of her life. It’s not for me to make speculations. Rest In Peace.

Theodore R. Long
Before he was thuggin and buggin on Smackdown.. way
before he was holla’ing at people.. he was “Peanuthead”. For reasons that I haven’t quite been able to figure out, Doom was one of my favorite tag teams in wrestling in the early 90s. Managing Doom, Theodore had a bit of the style and the “swagger” that Slick had before him, which may have been one of the main reasons I liked Teddy. Before Doom, however, were the Skyscrapers, who I was a HUGE fan of. “Dangerous” Dan Spivey, “Psycho” Sid Vicious, and “Mean” Mark Callous (whatever happened to him, anyway?) were just great to watch, and they all made Teddy look like he was 4 feet tall, which I always found funny. Maybe it was because I was so short at the time. Who knows? I’ve always had a strange sense of humor, and sometimes I find things funny that nobody else does. I’ve learned to accept that part of my personality.

“General” Skandor Akbar
From the old Global Wrestling Federation territory out of Dallas that used to air on ESPN, Skandor Akbar was another dastardly heel manager that was fun for me to root for as a kid. He threw fireballs at people, ferchrissakes! Do you have any idea how cool that is for a kid to see? As soon as I saw him throw his first fireball, I was a fan for good. I remember rooting against big-time GWF face Eric Embry because he was going against Akbar and his
Devastation Inc stable. Even as a youngster, I had no problems with going against the grain, a trait in which I’m proud to have retained through the years.

Bill Alfonso
Honestly, I couldn’t stand him blowing that damn whistle constantly through matches, but other than that, I was definitely a fan of the crazy bastard. Watching him jump around at ringside as if he was on some sort of drugs (hmmm..) was entertaining. I always thought he did a good job managing in ECW, whether he was alongside Taz (fuck the double “Z”), Rob Van Dam, or Sabu. Although I didn’t
exactly think his heel turn at the first Barely Legal PPV made a whole lot of sense, but hey, that’s minor (get it? Barely Legal.. minor.. ahh, shut up) details. Of course, I can’t mention “Fonzie” in ECW without mentioning his bloodbath of a match with Beulah McGillicutty, where he legitimately required a blood transfusion afterwards due to
the blood loss he had. The story is that the match was ECW’s offer for Fonzie to keep his job after they had found out he was working a deal with WCW behind the scenes for Eric Bischoff to raid some of ECW’s talent for an ECW “takeover” of Nitro. I’d say he did his job to prove
he wanted to stick around.

Gorgeous George
Alright, so its not the end of the world if there’s the occasional good looking female manager with no real wrestling skills.

The Present 

“Sweet N Sour” Larry Sweeney
The man known as “Sweet & Sour” is almost a throwback of sorts. He’s cocky, he’s loud, he’s a pest.. he’s great. He seems to have a bit of Ric Flair’s mannerisms mixed in with his own personality, which is fun to sit and watch. Playing the role of a “Super Agent” (similar to the role that Paul E Dangerously/Paul Heyman
has played in all of his own managerial roles), Sweeney is all about making that green, and his work in Ring Of Honor in recent months has just been spectacular. Oh, and that laugh.. my goodness, that laugh.. its a thing of absolute greatness, in my opinion. Honestly, he seems like he’d be a good fit on the WWE roster somewhere down the line, and
as an added bonus, he’s a trained wrestler, as well, so he can contribute in multiple ways.

“The Sinister Minister” Jim Mitchell
Although I’d seen him in WCW as James Vandenberg, it wasn’t until his work as “The Sinister Minister” in the original ECW that I realized what a talent this man was. He has one of the better “looks” in managerial history, from his hair to his arched eyebrows to the red suits that he wears. He looks like what you’d expect Satan to look like if he were a wrestling manager. He’s also, easily, one of the better talkers in the business today, from his tone to his clear pronunciation, even to his cackling laugh that fits his character so well. If I were Vince McMahon, I’d be taking a SERIOUS look at bringing Mitchell in to manage Kane. To say they’d match up well right now would be an understatement of large proportions.

“J-Train” Julius Smokes
“J-Train” is a manager of a different type. He doesn’t so much as talk at ringside and during promos.. he performs what he calls “ghetto chants”. For those who don’t exactly consider themselves part of the “urban lifestyle”, Smokes probably isn’t for you. For one, you probably won’t understand a lot of what he’s saying. Two, he’s probably too loud and obnoxious for you. Four, he’ll probably offend you with lines like “kill this bitch ass wigger” or “spread some cheese on this cracker”. It may just be that I “relate” to him more than most managers, but I’ve always been entertained by J-Train and his antics, although I can obviously see why he’d be too much for some people.

Hornswoggle
I guess he counts in this discussion. For a while, liking him was a bit of a “guilty pleasure” of mine. That is, until I realized that a lot of other non-children were fans of his, as well. Whether it’s to manage Finlay, or in the long storyline involving him being Vince McMahon’s “son”, he’s always been enjoyable to watch. He
plays his role well, and he’s helping the younger fanbase become involved in watching the show, so Vince can’t be complaining, I’m sure. That said, I’d still rather watch Finlay as a singles competitor, with “Horny” as his manager, than having the both of them wrestle as a tag team, but its not the biggest loss in the world, I
suppose.

Tony Atlas
Although I’m sure he’s more of a temporary thing, and not a long-term player, I do like his pairing with Mark Henry, even though I don’t like Mark Henry. Of course, they have their “strongman” pasts in common, but an added bonus, for me, at least, is that this gives Atlas a job and a steady paycheck, which is something that his story has been lacking in recent years. He’s had well-documented financial problems in recent years, so this is a bit of a “feel-good” story, as well. Also, the guy looks to still be in tremendous shape, and could probably take down a large percentage of the WWE roster in a real fight. Not that it really has anything to do with him managing Mark Henry. I just wanted to throw it out there.

The Future 

???
Honestly, I don’t really know what the future holds for the legit manager that isn’t just some bimbo with no actual wrestling talent of any kind. As I’ve heard from multiple sources, the managers of tomorrow may not exist because of the lack of heroes they have to look up to in the managers of today. People like Jim Cornette and Percy Pringle had Bobby Heenan to look up to, as well as guys like “Classy” Freddie Blassie, Arnold Skaaland, The Grand Wizard, Captain Lou Albano, as well as many others. People like Larry Sweeney and Jim Mitchell had Jim Cornette and Percy Pringle as THEIR heroes and idols to watch, as well as the Heenans of the world. Its a real sad thing to think about when you envision wrestling in the future without any managers. It becomes more important in this day and age, as it seems that more and more wrestlers are making it to the “big leagues” without any real, honest-to-goodness charisma or mic skills. We’ll use Shelton Benjamin as an example here. He’s got the “look”, the great athleticism, the legit amateur background, and a really flashy moveset.. but he’s awkward and seems uncomfortable on the mic. This is where a manager would come in handy. If Shelton had someone (and not his “Mama”) that could draw heat for him, speak for him from time to time, and just help guide his career, he’d be able to accomplish so
much more than he has on his own. The bottom line in all of this mess is that, while I haven’t completely given up hope for the future of pro wrestling managers, that hope fades more and more with each passing year. It’s like losing bits and pieces of my childhood, in a way. The memories that you always wish you could have to keep forever,.and they’re just slipping away. Sad.

Thank you to the following for helping me create ideas for this column..

- Ring Of Honor’s “Straight Shootin” DVD (Volume 2) w/Percy Pringle
- “Straight Shootin” with Jim Mitchell
- “Straight Shootin” with Jim Cornette & Percy Pringle
- D.O.I. Wrestling’s shoot interview DVD with Julius Smokes (featuring Homicide)
- Joe Crack, for handing me the column idea I already had in my head, and for helping me with the ideas in the beginning

Thank you to the following for getting me through this column..

- Broadway Ristorante chicken wings
- Dr Pepper
- The music of John Legend
- The sound of rain against my window
- Kim Kardashain (and Kim Kardashian’s Ass”, which is enough for me)

Writer’s Note: Before I get some complaints or questions about it,
just allow me to say that those I have listed in this column in the
“Past” section were my favorites growing up. If you don’t see one of
YOUR favorites listed there, its either because they were a bit before
my time, or I just wasn’t as big a fan of theirs as you happen to be.
That’s fine. I’m sure a lot of you won’t be big fans of some of those
I have listed here. Nothing wrong with that at all. I’m still right,
though, and you’re still wrong. Remember that. Ha. Also, I tried to
shy away from some of the female managers who were either also
wrestlers, or those who went on to become wrestlers, which is why
names such as Melina, Lacey, and Chyna aren’t involved in any of these
lists, because Melina damn sure would’ve made a list somewhere, if for
no other reason than that entrance of hers. Again, just to clarify
things a bit before people start asking me questions.

That wraps up yet another edition of HIPRN, folks. I enjoyed writing
this one a lot, taking myself on a nice trip down memory lane, and I
hope that you guys enjoyed reading it and maybe even taking that same
trip. Damn.. 20 columns is just around the corner. That’s just crazy
to me. I remember starting off my column writing not all that long
ago, and now I’m bigger than the city lights down in Times Square
(yeah, yeah-yeah). I went from a rookie in the game, and now I’ve
earned my stripes like I play for the Bengals. I’d better start making
plans for some special columns with V20 and V25 coming up in the
not-too-distant future. We’ll see how things go, I guess. For now, you
all know the biznezz.. I’ll be back here in.. one week. Yes, folks, you read that correctly. I’ve been neglecting you all so much recently that I’ve decided to make my next several columns weekly editions instead of them falling every other week or so. One way or another, keep it locked here.. same Hustle time, Same Hustle page. Until then, I’m gone like a freshly manicured lawn, nah’mean? From The Best Place On Earth, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa.

“Life can change ya directions, even when you ain’t planned it.. all
you can do is handle it.. worst thing you can do is panic.. use it to
your advantage.. avoid insanity.. manage to conquer every obstacle..
make impossible possible.. even when winning’s illogical, losing’s
still far from optional..”

Hustle
HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com

WWE News – Rebecca Michaels angle, new talent on ECW, Cena

Credit: PWInsider.com

- WWE’s version of events for the Jericho-Michaels storyline is that Rebecca Michaels “may” have suffered a fractured jaw when Jericho nailed her at SummerSlam.

- Nickelodeon’s Australian Kids’ Choice Awards 2008 will be co-hosted by John Cena on 10/11.

- For those who watched ECW yesterday, the debuting Gavin Spears is WWE developmental talent Shawn Spears. He was one half of the OVW Tag Team Champions along with Cody Rhodes and briefly feuded with him following a heel turn.

WWE Unforgiven *SPOILER*, Ashley denies strip club appearance

Credit: PWInsider.com

- Former WWE Diva Ashley Massaro recently updated her MySpace blog denying a recently advertised appearance at a strip club in Long Island:

“So, first things first. Hey a-holes that said I was appearing at a strip club last week. Dead wrong. I was no where nmear nor will I ever be, doing a SIGNING and or appearance in a strip club, UI actually found it quite funny while I was at home updating my myspace. All of these so called news sites saying I would be there. Apparently tmz even wanted to talk about it. So crazy! So, for anybody that actually went there to see me and didn;t, I apologize for the lack of responsibility on many peoples parts. If I had known about this sooner I could have tried to fix it before anyone went there to see me. But alas I was alerted to it probably the same time as you guys. So anyone who went to that place to see me. Sorry you got duped, I’ll be sure to make another app. soon in NY to make up for that.”

- Highlight the text below if you wish to know about a spoiler for WWE’s Unforgiven PPV:

Another scramble match will take place at the PPV with Triple H defending his WWE

Webmaster Of Beth Phoenix’s Official Site Blasts Beth In Long Statement

The official website of WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix, www.BethPhoenixGlamazon.com, was believed to have been hacked. The site displayed a TNA logo (which has since been removed), but it was actually the doing of the webmaster in a cry for attention from Beth and/or WWE. The webmaster of the site has since sent out a statement regarding the site being “hacked,” as it really wasn’t. Basically, the webmaster is upset that Beth has pretty much ignored him in helping him update the official site, and feels that she’s broken some promises as well. He is also upset that WWE is using a logo he created for the site in Beth’s TitanTron without his permission. He plans on pursuing legal action against WWE over use of the logo as both Beth and the organization have ignored all of his e-mails.

Here is the webmaster’s statement:

I would like to issue this statement in regards to the Official Website of Beth Phoenix being “hacked”

There is some sites reporting that someone hacked the website, and placed the TNA logo there, other sites are reporting that it was just a disgruntled webmaster… tis is what happened

I was the webmaster for Beth’s Official website for its entire 9 month run, and at this point I’d like to explain what has gone on. Disgruntled is only the beginning….

I approached Beth Phoenix in regards to an Official website when she was still working down in OVW before being called back up to the WWE main roster last year. I believe we launched the site sometime around April, 2007, with the full support and input of Beth herself. We spoke about how the site should be and Beth sent on some cool ideas for some video promos that I ended up making as teaser trailers for the countdown to the opening of the site.

I had told Beth that I would look after all the registration and hosting costs of the site, because I am a pro-wrestling fan, I wasn’t bothered about spending some money each year to become the webmaster for Beth’s official website and stay in contact with her.

She wasn’t the easiest to stay in touch with, even when she was still down in OVW, but I still continued on with the site. Then some of the Beth Phoenix fansites, which may I say do an excellent job, started to get some exclusive news that I felt should’ve been reported first and exclusively on Beth’s official site. I asked why we couldn’t do it through our site, and was promised by her husband, Joey, that he would now handle reporting all news etc. to me (At this point Beth had been called back up to the main WWE roster).

We done some cool stuff with Joey, his tag-team partner Robin Knightwing, and Beth’s best friend, Kevin Grace, like PPV predictions etc etc. And I am grateful for their help at the time when Beth was busy on the road.

Unfortunately, once again, I was informed of new exclusive news being reported by a Beth fansite and I had had enough at this point. I was promised by Beth that she would send me on some stuff for doing the website for her for free, which I never received, when I asked about this stuff that never arrived, I received a Christmas card/photo signed by Beth, Joey & Knightwing. I was also promised that when Beth was in Belfast on tour with WWE (I live in Ireland), that she would in the least give me a phone call to say hi and thank me for doing the website, which, again, I never received that call.

I had asked Joey to send me on some photos and news that we could use as exclusives on the site, which I was promised to get, but never did, so at that point I decided to tell Joey to inform Beth the site was done, I was tired getting used while Beth’s official site was getting more and more popular. We had some words through email and basically I didn’t like that way I was spoken to, I was told that someone my age (I’m 2 years younger than Beth by the way) should be glad to be able to run her official website and be friends with and I quote “the WWE Women’s Champion” – this was completely the end for me, sounded like winning a title went straight to someone’s ego!

I would like to point out that when I did originally close the website (in January, 2008), I publicly thanked Beth, Joey, Robin, Kevin and a number of OVW people who helped out during the course of the site on the actual website. You think this is where the story ends…. but NO!!

I was informed by a friend sometime around the end of January that when WWE switched to the new HD set on Raw that a logo I had created specifically for Beth’s official website was being used on her TitanTron entrance.

Upon checking this out for myself I found out that WWE had stolen the logo and been using it since their very first HD broadcast in January, 2008. To say I was annoyed was a bit of an understatement!

I immediately contacted both Beth and Joey to find out if she had given WWE permission to use the logo, or if they had simply stolen it off the website. I got no reply from either. I then sent the WWE’s legal department a letter informing them of my problem with their usage of my logo, to which I also got no reply. I once again contacted Beth & Joey and pleaded with them to inform me of who gave WWE permission to use my logo, and if I didn’t get a reply I would be pursuing legal action against whoever I needed to take action against, to which, surprise surprise! I got no reply.

I have consulted with a number of people, including some pro-wrestlers, and was told to pursue my legal action against WWE over the use of my logo without permission, which I am currently following up.

I would just like to say that it is very annoying and just plain disheartening that after 9 months of non-stop hard work, not to mention the amount of money spent on web hosting, registration, purchasing past DVD’s featuring Beth to use on the website, that I was so blatantly used and screwed over by someone. At this point neither Beth nor Joey will answer my emails, and I was told in person at signings etc that Beth is one of the nicest people you could ever meet, well I’m here to tell you that she is nothing but a total user, and the general assumption of wrestlers is that they use you until they get what they want and then drop you like you never existed.

I cannot and will not watch any of Beth’s stuff on tv anymore, and until this matter is resolved and I receive an apology of sorts I will continue to tell people of what Beth Phoenix is really like.

Regarding this whole site being “hacked” issue with the TNA logo… everyone is about 2 months off regarding this… I did place the TNA logo on the website around June, 2008, in an attempt to get Beth’s/WWE’s attention over this matter, whether it worked or not is another discussion. I apologize to TNA if there is any issue regarding this.

I’d like to thank everyone who spent the time to visit Beth’s website when it was active, I’d also like to point out that Beth Unlimited (www.beth-phoenix.org) is the best Beth Phoenix fansite around at the moment, they do a great job over there, and beat me to the punch on news a number of times!!

I’d like to hear what some people think regarding the incidents above, please feel free to contact me at : webmaster@bethphoenixglamazon.com

Thanks (I’ve also attached photos of the logo mentioned above being used on WWE tv)

You can see images featuring the logo at this link.

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