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WWE Monday Night Raw Results 9/29/08

WWE RAW
September 29, 2008
Minneapolis, MN

The opening pyro hit and we’re ready to go. Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler welcomed us to the show and we’re ready to go. They put over the network television debut of Wrestlemania XXIV on MyNetwork TV.

Batista’s music hit and he came out to the ring.

Batista v. Santino Marella

Santino popped up on the ring and put over the honk-o-meter for us all to view. He then whipped out a brain barometer. He said the avg. human has six trillion brain cells. Santino has 10 trillion. Batista on the other hand, only has 12. Batista’s laughing because honestly, this is pretty hilarious. He’s leaving Batista in worse shape than the US economy.

Batista clocked Santino with a huge lariat before nailing him with multiple shoulder thrusts in the corner. He followed it up with a big whip followed by a clothesline before nailing a spine buster. One big Batista Bomb later, that’s all she wrote.

Winner: Batista via pin fall

After the match, Beth got on the ring apron and was talking trash to Batista. As he smiled at her, JBL showed up from behind and leveled Batista with a clothesline from hell. Batista’s selling it like he’s a dead deer. Twitch and all.

Todd Grisham is in the back with Shawn Michaels. He said HBK would team with a mystery partner. HBK said ten years ago when he trained Cade he knew he was good but what happened last week wouldn’t ever happen again. HBK put over the ladder match at No Mercy before Grisham asked him who his partner would be. HBK said it wouldn’t be Batista… he teased it being Hogan and Austin and even Bret Hart. He said he needed to find a partner who actually liked him.

****Commercial****

JTG v. The Miz

JTG and Miz traded go behinds before Miz backed JTG up into the corner. JTG reversed a whip before being dropped onto the apron. After a flip for t he heck of it, JTG hit a shoulder block and a rolling snap mare for a one count.

JTG grabbed a side headlock and hit a diving upper cut before getting hung up on the top rope. Miz slammed him into the corner before hitting his running knee. Miz stomped away on JTG on the ground and dropped a leg drop across the throat for a two count.

Miz slapped on a cravat. JTG fought out and caught a roll up but Miz kicked out and went back on the advantage with a lariat. We’re back in the cravat before JTG blocked a lariat and a kick before JTG hit a springboard leg drop. JTG hit a wheel kick before hitting a second rope senton for a two count.

He gathered Miz before eating a punch to the grill. JTG dodged an upper cut and flat backed Miz with a punch. He was distracted by the shenanigans from Shaad and Morrison on the outside just long enough for Miz to hit the kick, knee, neck breaker ‘reality check’ combo for the win.

Winner: The Miz via pin fall

Jamie Noble is approaching Jillian about something. She sang, then Dolph Ziggler showed up. He’s got a mean hand shake.

****Commercial****

King William Regal and Leyla are watching from a throne on the stage.

Paul Burchill & Katie Lea v. Jamie Noble & Mickie James

Burchill and Noble started things off. Burchill put a big beat down on Noble with punches and knees. Noble fought back briefly only to be nailed into the corner. Katie Lea looked for the cover but only got a two count. Katie tagged Noble with some kicks on the ground until Noble pushed her into Mickie. Mickie tags in and puts a few forearms in her face before hitting a snap mare.

Burchill tripped up Mickie allowing Katie to get back in the match. Katie grabbed Mickie and has her in a modified under-hook chicken wing. The crowd rallied Mickie who fought back with some punches and hit a neck breaker.

Noble hopped around looking for a tag on the outside of the ring. Both women struggled to the corner. Noble got the hot tag and began uncorking some awesome stuff including a missile drop kick for a two count that was interrupted by Katie Lea. Mickie cut Katie off but Burchill was able to hit a shot to the gut to get back into things. Noble countered a neck breaker attempt with an awesome northern lights suplex into a cross arm breaker. Burchill taps and it’s over.

Winners: Jamie Noble & Mickie James via submission

After the match Noble and James taunted King Regal and Leyla who were observing from the stage.

****Commercial****

The Priceless crew is in the bowels of the arena looking for Kane it looks like. They said he was a second generation superstar because his dad was Paul Bearer or something. He aid if they maybe acted as a unit out there, they should be ok. Dibiase said he wanted to make sure they were on the same page. Kane turned to him and said he doesn’t take orders from anyone. He said he was going to massacre Rey Mysterio tonight whether they were on the same page or not. He told them to stay out of his way.

Lance Cade has some new music. And a hell of a cow lick. He put over his win over Shawn Michaels last week. Truth be told, in the last 3 months, he learned more from Chris Jericho than he learned from HBK in 10 years. He said his proof of that was last year. Jericho was a better teacher, influence and better person… period. He said as far as tonight goes, he could care less who his partner is going to be. He was either going to lose to him like last week or lose like he’s going to this Sunday. He said when No Mercy was over, it’d be Chris Jericho who was still World Heavyweight Champion.

****Commercial****

Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne, CM Punk & Kofi Kingston v. Cody Rhodes, Manu, Ted Dibiase & Kane

Manu started with Bourne and Bourne’s using Mysterio as an axebefore being catapulted over the top rope. The tag champs are over the top rope and getting hit with planchas. Mysterio’s on Kane with a senton… everyone’s flying…. commercial break go!

****Commercial****

We came back to Cody controlling Evan Bourne in the middle of the ring with a chicken wing..Manu tagged in and his pony tail is off so you know it’s business. He drops Bourne on his head for a two count before punching him in the face for a little while. While Bourne was able to get a tag, Rhodes cut off Punk rather quickly and tied him up into knots on the mat.

After the leg lock sequence, Kane tagged in and just began stomping on Kane because that’s what he does. He choked Punk in the corner while looking at Mysterio the whole time. The heels are clicking on all cylinders as Ted Dibiase tagged in and let Kane upper cut Punk in the back of the dome before working that leg again. Punk was worked to the corner and tried to fight out but got cut off. Rhodes tagged in and after a double team suplex, got a two count.

Rhodes stayed on the leg stomping and tearing away at it before tagging in Dibiase who came sailing off the top rope with an axe handle. Manu wants him some and tags in and drops a knee on the, uh, knee…. Manu put on a twisting leg lock on Punk who tried to get a roll up but Manu managed to quickly escape and envelop him with a big forearm. Rhodes is in and he and Cody slug it out a bit before Kane’s coming in.

Rhodes held the leg down so Kane could stomp on it and Kane, yet again, is jaw jacking with Mysterio. The lapse in attention cost him as the former world champ was able to hit an enzeguiri and almost get to the corner except Kane PULVARIZED Mysterio with a big boot. Rhodes tagged in and missed an elbow drop allowing Kofi Kingston to come in and clean house on the heels.

Kofi hit a big boom boom leg drop for a two count but Manu broke it up. Bourne took out Manu while Kane tagged in and looked for a choke slam on Kofi. Rey saved the day with a drop kick before taking Dibiase over the top rope with a head scissors. Kingston leapt at Kane in the corner who caught him in a HUGE FREAKING HUGE clothesline for the win.

Winners: Kane, Manu, Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase via pin fall

Rey looks a little shocked. Kane’s just laughing.

****Commercial****

Raw GM Mike Adamle is in the ring. He said Kane made a request and since he won, he’d honor it. He said if Kane won this Sunday, Rey Mysterio would remove his mask in the middle of the ring. Then Randy Orton’s music hit.

Adamle asked him if he could help him. Orton wanted to know if he had his cell phone on him. He was assuming he had to call Shane McMahon and make sure it was ok. Wants to know if he shines his shoes and picks up his dry cleaning. Orton didn’t appreciate his decision not to re-suspend CM Punk last week and he needs to do it right now. If he wasn’t happy, Mike wouldn’t be, either. Mike may run things on Raw, but when he was healthy, he would own Raw. When he was back he’d need Orton on his side more than he needed Shane McMahon. JBL’s music hit and he came out.

He’s in a bad mood because he lost money on the stock market tonight. He said he was JBL and his wife is powerful… uh, yeah. He said he’d defeat Batista next week and would be the world champion shortly. He said next week, Orton would be talking about the past. He called Orton a one armed gimp living in the past. He wanted Adamle to make sure bozo the one armed clown never got a shot at the title. Batista’s music hit and he pops up behind him and JBL knows what’s coming. Batista hit a big spear and looked down a JBL with the mic. He said he knew JBL had a bad week, but at No Mercy, it’d get a lot worse.

Santino is in the back giving his number out on the phone. Beth is there and glaring at him wondering who he was talking to. Some sick kid named Frankie he promised to win his match for tonight. He told her to forget about Frankie as it was her time tonight. She doesn’t think it’s a good idea right now. She couldn’t have him screwing it up for her this week. He said there was a reason she didn’t have a Fabulous Moolah-meter… said it must be a female problem…

****Commercial****

Candice Michelle & Kelly Kelly v. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall

Candice opened up with some big strikes to start things off before tagging in Kelly who grabbed an arm wringer and tagged Candice right back in for a axe handle off the top rope. Beth overpowered Candice though and tagged in Jillian who immediately went after her with strikes to the face. Candice fought out of the corner and hit a side Russian leg sweep for a quick one count.

Candice went for a head scissors but was planted with a face buster before Jillian stepped on her face. Beth tagged in and delivered a kick to the mid section before nailing a pair of back breakers for a two count. Jillian tagged in and slammed Candice’s face off the mat a few times before slapping on a rear chin lock. Jillian grabbed a surf board before Jillian slammed her head into the canvas yet again.

She whipped Candice to the corner only to eat some knees on the hand spring elbow attempt. Candice hit a heel kick and made the hot tag to Kelly who hit some forearms on Beth. She hit a nice head scissors move before flipping out of a caught kick only to get clocked with a clothesline for a cover attempt that was broken up by Candice.

Jillian dragged Candice out of the ring. Kelly went for a roll up but Beth rolled with the momentum and hit her tiger clutch face buster for the win.

Winners: Jillian Hall & Beth Phoenix via pin fall

****Commercial****

Deuce v. The Great Charlie

Runjin Singh is even here…

Haas is having another identity crisis. He cuts the promo of the year. Singh says ‘behold his awesome power’. Some more non sense and Singh says ‘when prepared correctly, curry is both nutritious and delicious’.

He wants Deuce to hit the ropes and he chopped him in the head. Deuce hit a kick to the gut only for Haas to kill him with a head butt. He went for the Charlie bomb, but Deuce hit a drop kick. Deuce hit a kick to the gut and a face buster before he got a big boot in the grill. Haas fired up and went to the top rope and hit a flying lariat for the win. The whig is back on and he’s screaming some more.

Winner: Charlie Haas via pin fall

Now the real Khali is here and Haas looks scared or really excited. Singh is making the introduction. The Great Charlie and the Great Khali. They’re ‘aaaah-ing’ each other. Khali is struggling not to laugh and instead chops Haas in the head and aaaaaahhhhhs us all.

****Commercial****

World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho came down to the ring with Lance Cade and said he was insulted when people began wishing him luck in his match. He was better than HBK. Jericho showed everyone how he was going to smash Michaels face with the ladder as Cade demonstrated it all for us. He declared he’d beat him unconscious and he’d slam the ladder on his neck. He said he was the best in the world and when you were that good, you didn’t need luck.

****Commercial****

Chris Jericho & Lance Cade v. Shawn Michaels & Triple H

Triple H quickly flattened Jericho only to go for the high knee and get caught nearly in the Walls of Jericho. Lance Cade got the tag and exploded into the ring at Triple H with strikes but was quickly cut down with right hands.

HBK tagged in and he nailed Cade with a clothesline before tackling Chris Jericho and chasing him around the ring side area. Cade caught him with a big boot on his way into the ring before tagging in the champion who quickly hammered away on HBK’s head. Jericho nailed some shoulder thrusts in the corner before tagging in Lance Cade who hit a shot to the gut.

Jericho tagged right back in and hit a snap mare and cinched in a modified sleeper hold as the crowd attempted to rally Michaels. Michaels broke the hold and hit a flying forearm and the two are left flailing on the mat. HBK made it to the corner and here comes the WWE Champion.

Triple H hit the high knee and the face buster before dispatching of Chris Jericho on the ring apron. He hit a big clothesline and then dumped Cade to the mat with a big spine buster. Triple H went for the pedigree but instead got nailed with a Code Breaker. Cade hit a huge lariat on Michaels as he and Cade hammered away on Michaels in the mat. The Ref calls for the bell and it’s a DQ.

Winners: Triple H & Shawn Michaels via DQ

The two continued the assault before getting a ladder out. Jericho was in the ring with the ladder and then noticed Triple H with the sledge hammer. Jericho took off and Cade got nailed. Michaels lined Cade up and nailed him with sweet chin music before Triple H capped it off with a pedigree.

HBK and Jericho stared each other down before Michaels scaled the ladder and delivered the big flying body splash onto Jericho.

Report by Hunter Golden and WrestleView.com

What You Didn’t See On Raw, Dark Match Result From Minneapolis, Minnesota

Just got back from RAW in Minneapolis. Overall, it was a solid show.

Lots of “Woooooooo”’s going back and forth in the crowd before the show.

Dolph Ziggler beat D’lo Brown via pinfall in a dark match before RAW went live.

The crowd was pretty quiet during all the matches, save for the main event.

Shawn Michaels got a HUGE pop when he came out, and the crowd popped even louder when DX’s music hit.

Not a lot of people expected Triple H to be there, nor did I until I read the LoP report before leaving for the show. It was quite the treat to see DX live.

After the Miz/JTG match, Todd Grisham came out and had the cameras search for good signs. Sadly, the best one shown said “Shut up Jillian”.

After the Divas tag match, Jerry “The King” Lawler came out and hosted the Kiss Cam segment.

I’m a huge Jericho fan, but unfortunately I was the only one in my section and as such, I got some weird looks from all the kids sitting around me.

After RAW ended, DX did their usual routine, complete with HHH asking some guy in the front row what time it was, then saying “for the millions not watching at home”. When he went to say “llllet’s get ready to suck it”, he held the L sound for a long time, then said it’s been way too long since he’d done it. The time keeper handed him a water bottle, H took a swig and then spit it all over the guy, and said “sorry, it’s a habit”. They did the “suck it” bit, then greeted fans all around ringside.

Biggest pops:
1. DX
2. HBK
3. Batista
4. Mickie James
5. Cryme Time

Biggest heat:
1. JBL
2. Jericho
3. Lance Cade
4. Mike Adamle (lots of “what” chants)
5. Santino

August Column of the Month - The MadRanter by MadChuck

Every month in the Columns section of LoPForums.com, we hold a contest to determine the best writer of said month, with the winner receiving the opportunity to have one of their columns posted here on the Lords of Pain main page. The winner for the month of August managed to pull off something that only two people have done before him, and that’s win back to back awards. Thus, I’m very proud to give you MadChuck, and his CotM winning column, The MadRanter. Enjoy.

Welcome to the MadRanter, I’m your host MadChuck. Before anything else I want to start this thing out on a serious note. Wrestler Sonny Siaki from TNA has announced his retirement because he has to donate his kidney to his brother Bernard. Without this kidney transplant Sonny’s brother would die. I think that this is an amazing act of bravery, love and sacrifice because without one of his kidneys Sonny will have to retire from wrestling, his lifetime bread winner and something which he obviously loves. Kidney transplants costs a lot of money and the bills for medical check up and care afterwards will cost a lot too. So please, if you are financially able, please show some love and human kindness and visit: www.savebernardsiaki.org. Where you will be able to donate and help out the Siaki family.

Thank you to everyone who sent me emails last month with feedback to my column last month. Thank you. But for TNA or JR fans who just said Fuck you in your emails and then block my return mail and not give me a chance to rebuff or at least find out what upset you the most. I give you two mega Middle Fingers assholes. I fought and I crawled in the Columns Forums in the month of August again, just to have a chance to fucking get back on the main page this month to cuss you motherless motherfuckers out. Who the fuck do you think you are? Fucking sons of arrogant thankless assholes. I rile my brains and sit in front of a fucking PC for hours and hours trying to entertain you and that’s the fucking thanks I get. Fuck You and your families.

I don’t mind that you have different opinions from mine. But don’t just say “Fuck you, TNA is great.” And than block my return mail. That shows that you have a brain fit for a fucking monkey. Shit maybe you do have the brains of a fucking monkey. Because no one with a decent IQ would have been able to sit thru or enjoy the fucking return of the King of the Mountain Jeff Jarrett.

King of the Mole Hill

What a lame ass return, there is nothing heart felt about it. He did not have any electricity during any of his runs and he certainly did not provide any spark in his return as the “founder” of TNA. His return is equivalent to the return of DLO Brown in my eyes. The difference is he got to cut a long ass promo. Jeff says that he founded TNA to give a chance to the young wrestlers who deserved a run in the limelight. Well who the fuck did he really push other than himself. You fucking TNA diehards could mention AJ Styles but how long was he a Champion in TNA, does anyone still remember when it was? What of your precious AJ now? He is just Kurt Angle’s Bitch. He certainly isn’t headlining anything. Samoa Joe and Abyss are the only two that could be labeled a star in the world of wrestling and d that’s about it. Otherwise it’s Kurt Angle, Booker T, Christian and Sting carrying TNA, funny that they all made their name in the WWE. Where are your fucking homegrown TNA talents Jeff? Only two or three homegrown talents from 8 illustrious years of TNA’s existence? It means that either you or the writing staff are doing a terrible job pushing young talent or no one in TNA other than Samoa Joe, AJ Styles and Abyss are capable of being stars. What a pathetic statement you made about building TNA to push young stars who deserve it. I’ll tell you the reason Jeff Jarrett wanted to create TNA, Jeff wants to create TNA to make money and to put himself over. Period. Now TNA can’t be making much money that’s for sure so he failed on that count. As for getting over; Jeff is an upper mid carder at best, he could call himself the King of the Mountain or the King of the Mole Hill but the fact is he cannot draw, and that is the goddamn motherfucking truth.

Jeff Jarett is privileged, back in his teens he was already driving a Mercedes Benz. He didn’t have to prove anything to get anywhere; his daddy is a wrestling promoter and owner of a construction company. I ain’t making this shit up. Go look it up TNA marks.

His return promo was dull and dead. And you know what the funniest part of it all was? After he goes into all this talk about the young blood and everything. He brings in 40+ year old Mick Foley to fight Kurt Angle at Bound for Glory. Fucking pathetic. The segment was so forced. Just look at the way Mick said: “Wow this place is something” Shit. Everyone knows that the TNA set can’t possibly compare with WWE’s. Shit Mick didn’t even look authentic when he did his Bang Bang.

Brooke Knows Shit

It’s a shame that my first claim to shame never made it to the light of day because of the LOP reboot. Before the reboot I was known for my non stop assault on the talent less piece of shit called Bobby Ashley but I’m not going to let my second infamous LOP Forum column go unread. My claim to fame the reason why I was on the main page last month is now printed here in it’s entirety enjoy:

Brooke Hogan Should Be Brutally Raped:

The singer - the daughter of Linda Bollea and her ex-husband Hulk Hogan, real name Terry Bollea - has no desire to pursue a career in politics because she can’t control her raging hormones or PMS (premenstrual syndrome).

Brooke also thinks it would have been “crazy” if Hillary Clinton - who lost out to Barack Obama in the race to be named the Democrat presidential nominee - had become the first ever female US President.
She said on her new reality TV show Brooke Knows Best: “You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kind of crazy that a woman is running because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff.

“Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, because I would be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, you know?”

This is the latest shit that Brooke Hogan has to offer the fucking world. Let me tell you what Brooke. Shut your fucking mouth you fucking privileged bitch. This latest comment proves that you know nothing of this world. I am absolutely sick people.

I mean I am sick of fucking princess slut’s like Brooke who think that they are so smart. Fuck you, you 5 dollar whore. If not for your fucking father, you’d be lucky to get a job at McDonalds. Do you know what you are you fucking bitch. You are one those privileged little bitches who think that you know all that there is to know in life already.

The only fucking reason bitch, that people give a shit about you is because of your dad and his lust for you. You fucking skanky whore. I pray for the day that you get end up being fucked in the ass by big black guys with monster dicks for a bag of coke. You will amount to a hill of shit. You no talent Paris Hilton wanna be.

Fuck you, you suck so much, you give Paris Hilton a bad name. You have the fucking audacity to put on your fucking my space when your brother got thrown in jail that you are pissed that the truth was not presented in court. What is the fucking truth that you know bitch, that you can’t sing for shit. That without your Dad, you’d probably end up being a no name porn slut coke doing junky whore.

Shit I hate you so much that I pray that your brother gets ass raped. Yes that’s what I’m gonna do now. “Oh dear baby Jesus in heaven, hallo be thy name. I pray that Nick Hogan gets raped in the ass.” You may wonder why I do not wish for Whore Hogan to get raped in the ass herself. It’s simple, the dumb bitch would enjoy it.

Take a serious look at her people, tell me how different she looks from other wannabe’s in Hollywood. She is a dime a dozen. Blonde, chubby looking chick with no talent. I hate fucking whores who think they know it all. I pray that her show gets canceled. Than lets see where she ends up. I pray that her fucking bitch father rapes her in bed. Brooke Hogan deserves to be fucked by dogs and horses only, until her fucking cunt bleeds.

I pray that Brooke gets into wrestling. I hope that she tries to do a maneuver from the top rope and end up falling onto the fucking ring post pussy first. I want to see her fucking pussy bleed. Brooke Hogan deserves to never know what pleasures a women should be able to feel. She deserves to never know what an orgasm is. She deserves to have her pussy eaten out by the Boogeyman like he did with Jillian Halls thing on her face. What a fucked up little bitch she has become.

I’m not a huge fan of Clinton’s but for this cunt face to even dare speak about politics when all that she knows is boys and tampons. Fuck you smelly hole. I hope you get raped by Bobby Lashley and Mark Henry at the same time.

In fact this is how it’s going to go down. Bobby Lashley would fucking eat your pussy out while you scream with pleasure, because despite the fact that you are being fucking raped, you do like the sensation, however the horror really begins when Mark Henry comes in and fucks you missionary style, the shear weights of his body ought to crack your fucking cheap white trash whore ribs.

The greatest insult would come later as a bound and gagged Hulk Hogan is wheeled in by Bobby Lashley to witness your punishment, albeit with no pants on. As Hogan watches the two black Adonis take their turns on you, you will look on in horror as you watch Hulk’s usually shriveled up penis throbbing with excitement.

When the two black beasts are done with you, they give you a choice, either fuck your old man, or they will slit his throat. You of course being the bitch that you are refuses to save you old man’s life, but the two black beasts force open your legs as Hulk gleefully fucks you like till he comes in your smelly pussy. If there is a god you should then be impregnated with Hulk’s Incestuous seed.
That is the punishment that you deserve Brooke Hogan. Your show ought to be called, Brooke Knows Shit.

It’s been almost two months since this column came out and Brooke has managed to shut her trap for a bit. But stupidity could just not be hidden. Brooke was asked recently who Sarah Palin was, and Brooke to her eternal credit did not know who she was. Brooke was also recently asked who Dick Cheney was and yeah you guessed it. She didn’t know this as well, and this is the daughter of the supposed Real American Hulk Hogan.

Wrestling Finishers in Real Life Fights.

I’m into thinking about fantasy stuff a lot, and lately I have started to think just what would happen if I where to be in a real life fight. Could I take what I have watched in wrestling all these years and put it to actual use? Could I pull out a wrestling finisher and win a fight? Obviously stuff like Hulk Hogan’s Leg Drop is useless. Where am I going to find some ropes for me to shoot off in real life? I decided to rate against obvious stuff like low blows and chops. I’m purely rating wrestling finishers here. By the way unless you are fighting 10 year olds or retards, run if you are outnumbered!!!

Spear (Edge, Rhyno) – I’m a huge fan of Edge and his quick Spear, but I’m sorry, this move in a real fight, would hardly be a move that could end anything. It could get you in a good position to be on top of the guy when you both fall where you can than proceed to rain down with fists of fury, but other than that this move can’t be a finisher in real life.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Effective as a milk dud.

The Stunner (Steve Austin) – This move would hurt both you and your foe. Done on a concrete floor, and I think it’s and immediate trip to the hospital for hip replacement surgery. The effect of the move on your opponent (if you could get a good grip on his neck in your arms) would be very effective though, I mean hey imagine what it’d be like if someone pulled full force on your neck. Come to think of it this move could be fatal. But because of the potential damage to your hips or possible jail time for manslaughter, I’ll definitely refrain from using this move unless it’s do or die.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Possible Fatality.

Tombstone Piledriver (Undertaker) – This move is near impossible to do unless you are fighting a 10 year old or the guy that you are hoisting up is already near dead. But this move could be fatal or could cause a lifetime of neck and spinal problems.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Almost impossible to perform.

The Superkick (HBK, Shelton Benjamin, Jim Morrison) – In real life this move could knock someone out. But I’d recommend that you have a lot of training before you even attempt to do this one, this is essentially a karate side kick. Do lots of stretching at home and go practice on Palm Trees for at least a month before you even attempt to use this move in real life. It’s an impressive move to use, but if you miss or fall, you’ll end up looking like a joke.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Effective but needs training. Not recommended for lazy people.

The Sharpshooter (Bret Hart, Sting, HBK) – This one comes highly recommended folks, just snap this on someone if real life, and I guarantee you the guy will tap out or apologize to you in seconds. You’ll need to work on your arm strength to fight of the leg kick or struggles from the poor dude, but if you can lock it, you are home. Be careful though, you could snap someone’s back in half with this move.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Highly recommended.

The Crippler Crossface (Benoit): A shit move. It looks great in the ring, but I’m sorry this is a pure wrestling performance move. Benoit’s legs is suppose to act as an arm lock on the guy while his pulls the guys neck, but it’s easy to see that the arms of the guy it’s being put on is actually free to maneuver. It’s just the guy choosing sell the move.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Useless

The GTS (CM PUNK) – Another shit move, this move looks ridiculous in the ring and you’d look like a complete jackass for attempting this one real life. CM PUNK is a fucking loser and so is his finisher.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Useless

The RKO (Randy Orton) – First of all let’s be honest here. This is basically a Stunner but with Randy doing a high jump and landing on his back while Austin takes it on his ass and hips. I think the results from this move would be equally as effective as the Stunner but without the pain on the hips like the Stunner.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Possible Fatality.

The FU (John Cena) – This is such a dumb ass move I don’t know how people could have ever popped for it in the first place. It’s a fucking fireman carry. It can be used easily in a real fight by big strong guys, but would it end a real street fight? No. The recipient of this move may suffer some low back pain. This move’s effects will triple though if the recipient of this move were to be thrown down a cliff or something.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: The effect could be shocking to an opponent’s low back, but definitely not a move that would make someone scared of you and want to quit the fight.

Splashes (Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero, High Flyers in Mexico and Japan) this move would have huge effects if you were to perform it on someone who was already out cold. But unless you knocked a guy’s lights out with the help of some foreign object. There is no way in hell anyone would be slow enough for you to find something to climb on and jump off.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: None, Pure Fantasy move.

The Mandible Claw (Mick Foley, Cactus Jack, Mankind) – Believe it or not this is a real legit move even in the real world. The trick is to apply pressure with your thumbs under an opponents jaw and at the same time apply pressure with your middle and wedding ring finger on your opponents tongue as deep as possible in the back of a person’s throat. The effects of this move could cause your opponent to gag and vomit thus making them totally unable to defend themselves, or in worse cases it could cause a seizure. And no the sock is not mandatory. Though you might find teeth marks on your fingers. Ugghh.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: A very effective move that could cause your opponent to vomit on your hands.

The Pedigree ( HHH ) – This move is very effective, just imagine the shears impact of your face hitting the floor first. This move would end any fight instantly. Of course you are gonna have to beat the guy up a bit first and set him up a bit. But it will be awesome to see this move in a real life fight.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: Highly effective, instant blood and possible KO.

Ankle Lock (Angle / Shamrock ) – If I was to be in an actual fight. This is the move that I’m going to look for whenever I get the chance. I played around with this move with my friends and it hurts like hell. The best lock is when you actually use your legs to clamp on to your opponents thigh too. No one can get out of this. Depending on the level of the hatred for your opponent you could use this time to talk some sense into him/her when him/her has no choice but to listen, or you could just break the person’s ankle and slowly walk away like Cool Hand Luke.

Real Life Fight Ending Effectiveness: My most highly rated finisher, bloodless, you will be pain free. And you can make your opponent whine like a bitch.

Thanks for reading, I hope you guys and gals enjoyed the column. Once again I hope that some of you could take the chance to visit www.savebernardsiaki.org and help out out the Siaki family. We are wrestling fans, if we don’t help out no one will. That’s it for now at the moment from me. You won’t see anything from me up here next month because I didn’t have the time that I wanted to battle it out for column of the month in September. So if you wanna look me up go and check out the LOP Forums.

All feedback is appreciated and please send them to dilnaylomo@yahoo.co.uk

WWE Confident In RAW Rating, TNA Had Chance To Sign Vladimir Kozlov

- WWE officials are confident about this week’s RAW rating. Competition was high last week when the Monday Night Football game drew a high 13.3 rating. This week’s game drew an 8.9 rating, and the third season premiere of “Heroes” was down 25% compared to second season premier.

- TNA had the first opportunity to sign Vladimir Kozlov. Jerry Jarrett stated in a recent interview that Dixie Carter didn’t want to bring him in, as she didn’t want to invest in a wrestler who couldn’t produce immediately. As previously reported Kozlov is in line for a huge push and is expected to become a major player in WWE by the end of the year.

Credit: ProWrestling.net

Final RAW Rating, Stephanie McMahon Note, Kevin Nash Interview

- This week’s WWE RAW received a 3.1 rating, which is up from last week’s disappointing 2.6 rating. The first hour drew a 3.01 rating, and the second hour drew a 3.09 rating.

- Stephanie McMahon turns 32 today.

- In Your Head radio show will interview Kevin Nash tonight at 8PM EST. He’s expected to talk about his relationship with TNA, as he was reported to have agreed on a new deal last week with TNA, however, his profile has been removed.

Credit: ProWrestling.net

Jim Ross Comments On Steve Austin, ECW 2-Hour Show, RAW Rating

Source: JRsBarBQ.com

Jim Ross updated the Q&A section of his blog and answered questions about Steve Austin wrestling one last time, ECW expanding, and the low RAW rating. Below are the highlights:

On Steve Austin working one more match: “Steve could do well with many guys including HBK, John Cena, Edge, and Chris Jericho. No one would like to see Austin in one final match any more than me, but I really think that ship has sailed. If it doesn’t happen at WM25 then I don’t think it ever will.”

On whether ECW will become a two-hour show and take an edgier approach: “My guess is no to both questions. ECW’s talent roster is essentially young and w/o depth. Being PG attracts more potentially lucrative advertisers. Going PG makes sense to me.”

On the Sept. 15 Raw rating: “Well a 13.7 cable rating is stout for Cowboys-Eagles but it all comes back that if any program contains what the audience wants to see they will watch it. No excuses from me.”

CM Punk Reveals Future Plans, Final Smackdown Rating

- Last week’s WWE Smackdown received a 2.3 rating, which is down from the 2.5 rating it received the previous work.

- There’s a video on WWE.com where CM Punk vows to get revenge against Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase. He said he would not stop until he has taken their tag titles. Click here to view the video.

Credit: PWInsider.com

Eric Bischoff Comments On Starting Wrestling Promotion

Chris Cash of WrestleZone.com spoke with Eric Bischoff about the rumors of starting a new wrestling promotion. Bischoff confirmed that he, Jason Hervey, and Hulk Hogan are speaking with CMT and several other companies/networks about creating a wrestling promotion.

He said it’s untrue that the promotion would be focused around Hulk Hogan and Bill Goldberg, and added that Goldberg was nice enough to help with the celebrity show, but he’s not in the plans to join his company. Bischoff is not interested in starting a wrestling promotion that would fall into the “WWE lite” category. He said at least a dozen people have contacted him about starting a new company, but unless there’s an innovative approach and a significant amount of money to start it up, he doesn’t want to do it.

“Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling” is simply the first step in many steps toward the possibility of a more traditional wrestling company sometime in the future. The idea is to attract both a wrestling audience and a “reality television” audience without offending one or the other.” Bischoff said.

WWE News: 3-Hour RAW In November, ECW Time Change, MVP Wants The Rock

– The next three hour Monday Night Raw special will be on Monday November 3rd. The show will take place from Tampa, Florida and will begin one hour earlier. (Source: Devin Cutting)

– Starting next Tuesday (September 30th), ECW on Sci Fi will be permanent moving one hour earlier to 9PM Eastern.

– SmackDown superstar MVP did a Q&A with USA Today to promote WWE’s move to MyNetworkTV next week. When asked what WWE superstar from the past or present that he’d like to wrestle, he said The Rock. He also said that while in prison several years ago, he learned to “believe in yourself because, prison is full of despair and hopelessness and its easy to give up on life.”

Randy Orton Rips A SD Star, Doesn’t Think Rhodes & DiBiase Are Champion Material

During Randy Orton’s media blitz of the U.K. last month, Power Slam conducted an interview with him. During the interview, Orton’s asked if he thinks any WWE newcomers can beat his record of youngest ever holder of a major WWE singles title.

Orton brings up a few names, including Kenny Dykstra. Orton goes off tangent to bring up an incident between the two during a tour in Australia and says that he “never liked him at all.”

He also brings up Cody Rhodes, as well as Ted DiBiase, and apparently doesn’t know DiBiase’s age as he’ll be turning 26 years old in November. Orton doesn’t think either wrestler is heavyweight champion material. Orton said, “I don’t know if the business is going to be ready for a Cody Rhodes as champ. I love him, I think he’s really great, he’s got his own little niche, but I don’t see him or Teddy being the heavyweight champion.”

Here is what Orton said:

When you captured the World title aged 24 at SummerSlam 2004, you became the youngest ever holder of a major WWF/WWE singles title. Do you think any of the newcomers will beat your record?

“That’s a good question. I’m trying to think of the age of everybody. Cody and Teddy are young, right? Kenny Dykstra (who’s 22) I knocked him out in Australia, actually one time. He was drinking and thought that he would f–k with me, and I warned him and slapped him so hard in the temple that I knocked him out. I never liked him at all. And everyone always told him, “You’re the next Randy Orton.” And you know what? F–k that. Make your own name. What does that mean anyway? I slapped the s–t out of Kenny Dykstra. And I don’t even know where he is right now. But age-wise, Cody’s 23. That’s a long way to go (in less than a year).

I got very lucky. I was wrestling Edge a lot back then. And I was over as a heel and getting a chance because I was wrestling Edge…. They thought I was over, so they thought, ‘Let’s give this kid a run.’ Plus, Brock Lesnar had been the youngest champ and they didn’t like Lesnar (who had left the company in March 2004), so I had a lot of luck in getting that spot.

I don’t know if the business is going to be ready for a Cody Rhodes as champ. I love him, I think he’s really great, he’s got his own little niche, but I don’t see him or Teddy being the heavyweight champion. I don’t know who else is of that age. D.H. Smith (who is 22)? I don’t know. Hopefully, no one because, to be honest, I don’t want anyone to break my record and I don’t think there’s any potential right now for anyone to (do so), either.”

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