THE SUPERBOOK!–CHAPTER 4: IDOLATRY

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1 Samuel 2:2 

“There is no one holy like the LORD. There is no one but you, O LORD. There is no Rock like our God…”

 

THE SUPERBOOK!–CHAPTER 4: 

IDOLATRY

Once upon a time, millions and millions of wrestling fans openly worshipped a false God.

In Hinduism, Brahma is the God of creation. Along with Vishnu the preserver, and Shiva the destroyer, these three Gods make up the Trimurti, or “Hindu Trinity.”

However, while Vishnu and Shiva are worshipped, Brahma is not. According to Hindu mythology, Brahma is a cursed God, forbidden to be worshipped.

There are many stories that explain why Brahma is cursed. The most popular reason being Brahma’s unguarded granting of boons, or blessings, to demons. All of the deadly demons in Hinduism attained their boons from Brahma which enabled them to damage the noble virtues of the world. Thus, Brahma was deemed the sole God of worship for demons.

Another reason why Brahma is prohibited from being worshipped on Earth is because of his ego. Brahma is viewed as being responsible for distracting the mind away from the soul and towards the cravings of the flesh.

 

In order to create the human race, Brahma created a Goddess out of himself and named her Gayatri. Brahma immediately fell in love with Gayatri’s extraordinary beauty, and was unable to remove his gaze off her. She would move in different directions to avoid his stare, but wherever she went Brahma developed a head on each side to maintain his lustful leering of Gayatri, which is why he’s depicted as having 4 heads.

Brahma’s obsession of Gayatri, his own creation in his own image, was motivated by desire which confined consciousness and excited the ego. In essence he became gay for his own image, which is where the term “gay” comes from.

Also, Shiva felt that since Brahma created Gayatri, she was his daughter and therefore it was wrong for Brahma to become infatuated with her. Thus, Shiva deemed Brahma unholy and ordered that there be no worship of Brahma on earth.

As a result, there is only one temple on earth dedicated to Brahma as opposed to the thousands for Vishnu and Shiva.

However, during the Attitude Era in WWF, sports arena’s also became temples in which Brahma was unknowingly worshipped by millions and millions of wrestling fans.

Idolatry is the religious worship of idols, which are images of Gods made into physical objects in place of a monotheistic God. Hindus worship through images in which the Divine Spirit is expressed. The image serves as a link between the worshipper and the God as the image is often considered a manifestation of the God. Worshippers call the presence of the God into the image so that they can communicate with him and receive his blessings.

 

The Brahma Bull is a sacred cow in Hinduism named after the Hindu God Brahma who became a cursed God. The image of the Brahma Bull was worshipped by wrestling audiences the same way all Gods are worshipped in polytheistic religions.

 

By worshipping images of Gods made into idols out of stone…or rock.

 

With the image of the Brahma Bull on ‘The Rock’ it is plain to see that The Rock was actually an idol of Brahma, a cursed God forbidden to be worshipped.

 

The Rock Says!…

Devout Hindus bow before idols in temples and even speak to them as if talking to an individual. Of course, these idols are merely stone sculptures which are unable to respond. But it is believed that if there is enough devotion in the heart of the devotee, the God gives a direct response.

 

The most electrifying!…

 

Worshipping Hindu’s will bathe an idol, offer it food, and adorn it with flowers among other things to maintain the idol’s power. The nature of the deity’s power is said to be electric, meaning the idol can produce an electrical current that can be felt by the worshipper when worshipping strongly enough.

 

Since ancient times, It has been believed that the wearer of an image channels the spirit of the image. For example, a man would tattoo the image of a tiger on himself and he would begin to take on the ferocity of a tiger. Likewise, with the image of the Brahma Bull tattooed on him, Dwayne Johnson actually channeled the spirit of Brahma.

 

Upon making his entrance, the Rock would look left and gaze longingly before quickly changing directions and looking to his right, again holding his stare in a forced and deliberate motion, channeling Brahma and mimicking his 4 heads that sprang up to keep his eyes on Gayatri.

As Brahma was channeled through Dwayne Johnson, he proceeded to trick wrestling fans into worshipping him. Hindu’s worship idols by engaging in chanting. The Rock would frequently goad wrestling fans into chanting his name.

“With the millions….and millions of The Rock’s fans chanting his name…” 

Routinely, unsuspecting fans would then proceed to chant “Ro-cky, Ro-cky!” Though seemingly insignificant, by having the fans engage in chanting, wrestling audiences were actually duped into false God worship directed to them under Brahma’s command.

 

The Devil knows you would never willingly worship a false God, so he has to deceive you into it by manipulating your conscience. Shockingly, while the millions…and millions of wrestling fans praised Dwayne Johnson for his electrifying performances, they also inadvertently worshipped Brahma.

 

The raising of one eyebrow was one of The Rock’s biggest trademarks. But before this quirk became synonymous with him, it was always used by villainous characters to signify sinister intent.

Did you smell what The Rock was cooking?

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Epilogue 

God introduced wrestling to the world when He sent an Angel to wrestle Jacob to gain his salvation. However, through demonic interception, Satan exploited the virtues of wrestling in an attempt to achieve his master plan of sending millions and millions of wrestling fans to Hell with him. Therefore, dear wrestling fans, be wise as serpents as you go out into the arena, lest you be deceived. Amen.

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…………………………………………………….NOC!
SUPERFANLOP@GMAIL.COM

Ask Your Ayatollah – WWE Column

Hello, all, and welcome to the very first edition of Ask Your Ayatollah. Some of you may know me, most of you probably don’t. Whichever side of that fence you fall on, I do welcome you, and thank you kindly for checking this out. This should be the beginning of quite the interesting run.

For the Ayatollah uninitiated, a brief backstory. I’ve been kicking around this place for over six years, now, mostly bombing through the Columns section of LoPForums.com. I strongly encourage you to click that link and head on down that way for some of the absolute best wrestling writing on the net. They got some damn fine moderators in there, too.

I’ve won a few awards in there, had an unfortunately brief stint here on the main page of Lords of Pain a few years back, and have since done, well, not much of anything. Last time I was up here, outside a couple Fact or Fiction appearances, was in November of 2006 after winning the October Column of the Month contest of that year in, you guessed it, the Columns section of LoPForums.com. Get used to me whoring that out as much as possible. I love that place.

Anyways, after some very strong and quite entertaining convincing by someone I’m rather fond of, I have decided to give this main page writing gig another shot. This time around, though, will be a bit different than your typical wrestling column. For the star of this show, my friends, is you, the reader.

If the title wasn’t a dead giveaway, this will be all about you guys sending me questions and me, well, answering them. Along the way, you’ll see some green text here and there. Nothing spectacular, just a little thing I do where I like to let you guys in on what exactly I’m listening to while I write. Like this. (i believe in a thing called love by the darkness) Spiffy, ain’t it? Well, I thought so.

So, enough idle chatter. Introductions are complete, the format is pretty basic, and you won’t be wondering what the hell’s up with all the green song titles. So let’s rock it, shall we? As this is the debut edition and I have yet to receive any questions from you fine folks, I called upon some of my favorite folks in the, you guessed it, Columns section of LoPForums.com to provide me with the first round of queries. They came with the goodness, as ever, and I do appreciate them all for agreeing to participate. On with the show.

Back to the front.

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Pnk asks…
What do you think of the Kane/Mysterio angle? If you could have seen anything else be done with the answer to Kane’s mysterious bag, what would it have been and why?

Well, I shall answer this question by giving you my actual reaction upon seeing him pull the mask out of the bag. *Ahem*

What. The. Fuck.

Yeah, that about gets it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for anything that gets Kane on my television more often. I love that dude, and even though these weird “tortured soul” storylines they keep giving him get redundant after, oh, I dunno, the 83rd fuckin’ one, it’s still great to see the guy being all productive and stuff. (sweet child o’ mine by guns n roses)

That being said, Mysterio? Really? The little tiny luchador guy? REALLY? I’m not passing judgment on it quite yet, as I like to consider myself an optimistic kinda guy, and I allow that this feud just may wind up blowing the doors off of RAW. Bout as much chance that monkeys will fly out my butt, but hey, I guess there’s a chance. The only part that really pisses me off about it is that they’re probably gonna job the Machine to the little dude, and that’s weak. Really weak.

As to what I’d have rather seen in the bag, well, that’s easy. Is he alive or dead is a very vague question, and could have been intended towards many folks from Kane’s past. Paul Bearer, Taker, other Kane, etc.. I was cool with the mask in the bag, but I’d have rather seen one of the leather variety. One that covers half the face. One that’s black….

and green. That’s right, I wish Kane’s sack (so wrong) would have contained the mask of his greatest…well, most entertaining, tag team partner. The Hurricane. Sugar Shane has been out for a long time, and it would have been awesome to see him come back to stand alongside his big red pal, the Hurri-Kanes reborn.

Yeah, that’s bullshit, though it would have rocked. I just wish it had been his old mask, really. (breakdown by tom petty and the heartbreakers)

Thanks, dear.

sheepster asks…
When the division is filled out well, I really enjoy tag team wrestling. Over the years, I’ve seen many teams that I’ve taken a liking to almost immediately. Some (Edge and Christian) go on to do great things. Others (The Self Proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag Team) sort of fizzle out and never reach anywhere near what you wanted them to do. These days, it’s common for a tag team to be torn apart or released after 2 months… but back when tag teams were awesome, what was the one tag team that you fell in love with but were left seriously disappointed by?

Good question, my oh so wonderful partner in mod crime. I think the team I would have to say I’m most disappointed in would be what was my then favorite team of the era, the New Age Outlaws. They were so all fired up about pushing Billy Gunn that they broke the team up entirely too early, well before their run had gotten stale at all.

Any longtime fan knows what happened next. (interstate love song by stone temple pilots) Billy’s push (and the one after that, and The One after that, and the one…) went over about as well as a fart in churth, and Road Dogg, while a damn entertaining participant in the Hardcore goings on of the time, never really had the in ring skill to stand on his own. They tried to put them back together later when the McMahon/Helmsley Facgime was running game, but much like DX altogether at that time, it just didn’t feel the same.

So yeah, I was a big Outlaws fan, to the point that even when the magic was kinda gone, even when they were VKM or the James Gang or whatever in TNA, I still enjoyed seeing them together. But breaking them up was a big mistake, and the resulting fallout disappointed me more than has the demise of probably any other tag team in the history of the ever.

Thank you kindly, my sheep pal.

Degenerate asks…
How do you think rock music is going to evolve in the next 5-10 years? Do you think some musical genres will emerge on top, as it occurred in the late-90′s / early-2000 (like Nu Metal, Metalcore or Rap-Rock)? Do you think some of those aforementioned genres that have faded will re-emerge? Or do you think that things will remain more or less the same as it is now? (inconclusion by dee snider)

Honestly? I think it’s going to be status quo for the most part. Metal seems to be making something of a resurgence, but that genre has never really been the biggest thing ever, even back when Quiet Riot and Poison were selling out stadiums across the world. And yes, before some disgruntled metalhead writes me, I do feel kinda ashamed of myself for implying that Poison are metal in that sentence.

But yeah, I don’t so much see things changing around a whole bunch. I, personally, am hoping for something along the lines of the grunge movement to come along again. Less emphasis on eyeshadow, looking badass, and being cool, and more emphasis on just making some good fuckin’ tunes. Of course, those things aren’t mutually exclusive, as I enjoy My Chemical Romance a good bit, myself, and think they have a knack for writing some damn fine tunes.

But Nu Rock, Metalcore, and Rap-Rock are all, quite thankfully, dead and buried. We’ll continue on with the metal underground, the radio friendly Seether/Shinedown/Hinder style mainstream rock, and the indie scene will continue to thrive as well as it has over the past few years, probably even moreso. Of course, I’ll still listen to the same shit I always have. Speaking of which… (master of puppets by metallica)

Thank you, sir.

Immunist asks…
Which WWE Diva do you think might actually be a man?

Which Superstar would you be most likely to stalk?

Which Male Superstar stuffs their trunks?

How much pain would the Hunter sell if the Helmsley could sell pain?

Ah, the rapid fire ones. Gotta love ‘em.

Beth Phoenix would be the obvious choice, there, but call me crazy, I think she’s pretty hot. I think I’d go with Jillian. She just looks like she was assembled from spare lady parts in some demented plastic surgeon’s office one drunken weekend. Not a bad looking chick, mind you, but just, like, fake looking.

Hmmm. I think the Superstar I’d be most likely to stalk would be My Ayatollah, Chris Jericho. The dude’s just cool, and has a lot of spiffy stuff going on in his life. Be pretty boring to stalk any of them, though, as you’d pretty much be driving, sitting in airports, and hanging out in arena parking lots for the most part.

If any male Superstar stuffs his trunks, I’d say it’s Orton. Call me a homo all you want to, but dammit, I can’t be the only one that notices that fuckin’ thing all sticking out in every goddamn match. The entirely too small trunks don’t help matters much. Motherfucker needs to invest in a jock. Though someone would likely fill it with Icy Hot as soon as his back was turned. Hell, I would, and I don’t even know the dude.

And not fuckin’ much, sir.

aisce asks…
The John Hughes film Pretty in Pink is based on a misinterpretation of a track by The Psychedelic Furs. If you were to extrapolate an entire movie from one song, what would that song be, and what would be the basic plot outline of your film?

As ever, my friend from across the big pond, you force me to use my brain. (black no. 1 by type o negative)

I’ve always been a massive fan of the album Antichrist Superstar by Marilyn Manson, with the title track standing out as one of my very favorites from his overall body of work. The story behind the album and song is very intricate and, for me at least, mentally stimulating. Good, quite rockin’ tune and album overall, but even moreso when you take a bit of time to look into the concept behind it all. And yes, Manson haters, it was a simple concept album, not his declaration of being the Antichrist and wanting to end all of mankind.

The basic outline would be the story of a young man who has been ostracized and cast aside for his entire life, eventually growing to feel only apathy and hatred for those around him. As this change in perspective took hold, though, it brought with it other changes that had a much larger impact on the world surrounding him. As he came to embrace his hatred, he would be growing into a more powerful entity, drawing those who once mocked and ridiculed him to follow him as he rose to power as a rock star.

Eventually, this power would culminate in his gaining a larger following than any religion, made up of fanatical, cultlike devotees who quite literally worship the ground he walks on. He would then turn against them all, condemning them to a life of misery and hell on earth. Thus the line at the end of the song:

“In the end, know that I have betrayed you. Will be more suffering.”

Don’t know if that was what you were looking for, and I probably just turned a lot of people off with that whole thing. Oh well. I dig flicks like that, but they always seem to be about some demonic kid or something, like The Omen. I suppose this concept would be along the lines of the Left Behind series, only a precursor and from the perspective of the dark side. (antichrist superstar by marilyn manson)

My head hurts now. My sincere thanks to you, aisce, as ever.

Alright, we’ll wrap this first edition up with this one, from probably one of my absolute biggest supporters in all my various endeavors over the years.

The Thurl Formerly Known As Cman asks…
Were you a fan of the Bushwackers? If not, were you admittedly a fan of any wrestler or tag team who no one else seemed to like?

I must admit, I was never really a Bushwhackers fan. I didn’t dislike them, but they just never really appealed to me that much. The licking dudes on the face thing was kinda off, sir.

But yes, I have liked many wrestlers over the years that weren’t exactly among the most popular of their day. For instance, I was always a massive fan of Cactus Jack, long before anyone really recognized him as anything other than that leopard print dude who hung around with Kevin Sullivan. I also was a very, very big fan of the King of Harts, Owen, dating way on back to his High Energy days with Koko B Ware, before nobody really knew or cared who he was.

Those guys became popular, or at least respected, eventually, though. I think you were going more for guys that just flat out never made it, but still hold a special place in my heart. (it ain’t like that by alice in chains) Among that lot, there is one name that really stands out to me, that I always regretted never got a really fair shake during his time on the national stage. That name?

Hakushi

God bless you.

Sorry for the lame Lawler-esque joke, kids. Really, though, Hakushi was a bad, bad man, and had some classic matches against guys like The 1-2-3 Kid, Chris Candido, and most notably, the Exellence of Execution, Bret Hart. The dude was doing moves that wouldn’t be popular among the mainstream wrestling audience for at least two or three more years, and his Japanese Angel gimmick was just all sorts of awesomeness. His stint in the WWF was very unfortunately short, and isn’t really remembered by many.

Of course, his stint in ECW is even lesser known. Justifiably so, as it consisted of all of one match. But ah, my friends, what a match it was. Hakushi, under the name Jinsei Shinzaki, and Hayabusa vs ECW Tag Team Champions Sabu and Rob….Van….Dam. Awesome match, one that managed to steal the show even on a card as stacked as the event, Heatwave ’98, was. Don’t take my word for it, though, check it out for yourself.

Awesomeness, sirs.

That’s just the first part of the contest, with the second half easily found right there on the same page. Great match, and one that comes highly recommended from Your Ayatollah.

Regardless, yeah, I was, and am, a big Hakushi fan. Thanks for both the question and the pleasant trip down memory lane, Cman.

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Alright, so that’ll just about wrap it up for this very first edition of Ask Your Ayatollah. I do very much hope you have enjoyed it, and that you are now inspired to pick my brain about all things life, love, music, and especially wrestling.

To do so, all you have to do is click right here: AskYourAyatollah@rock.com

I can’t guarantee a response to every question, of course, as there are limitations to just how far I can take this. However, rest assured that every single question will be read and considered for inclusion among the lot. If you toss one my way and don’t see it in the next edition, have no fear, as it just may pop up in a later round of Ask goodness. Also, please remember to let me know how you would like to be addressed when answering. You want me to call you Jimmy Ray, WhoWantsToKnow@vaguesongs.com, or whatever, I do aim to please.

If you so wish, you can also hit me up via private message on the forums, or via the soon to be created Ask Your Ayatollah Feedback thread in the aptly titled Feedback section of those very same LoPForums. So many ways to hit a brother up, sirs, and I do expect you to do so.

I enjoyed this immensely, I must say. This will probably be a bi-weekly deal for the most part, though I very well may pop in on a weekly basis from time to time. We shall see. Irregardless of that, though, I do very much thank you all for taking the time to check it out. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank that certain someone yet again for both talking me into this and for never failing to boost my ego and encourage me along the way. I don’t know how it will be received, honestly. I figure either it’ll be a rousing success or an epic fail, with no real middle ground. All hinges on you, dear reader. No pressure.

The playlist is ending this evening with Perry Mason by Ozzy Osbourne. Perhaps one of his most overlooked tunes, brimming with badassosity. Yes, that’s badassosity. You shall see me here once again sometime within the next couple weeks, this I promise you. Until that time comes, do take care of yourselves out there in the really real world. Much love, kids.

Fire at will.

-Steve
AskYourAyatollah@rock.com

DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu – SummerSlam Review + Football’ing Wrestlers!

THE WRESTLING MENU #279

Welcome one and all to the 279th edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it comes to discussing all things wrestling.

I am thankfully steadily returning back to 100% after being knocked about by a virus and a half over the past fortnight. The drugs obviously took a while to kick in, but once they did, the improvement was significant. I still have a bit of a cough which is a pain in the a$$, but I at least have the energy to be able to do normal things like move more than a few meters at a time now.

Unfortunately, this virus has not allowed me to attend the last couple of Aussie Rules Football matches where my beloved North Melbourne Kangaroos have sewn up a finals (“playoffs” for you Americans) spot after a 6 match winning streak. That, plus the fact that the English Premier League has started its season has resulted in my imagination running wild with an interesting 3 part series which I begin today in the ‘Dessert’ section of my column.

Elsewhere, I would like to direct you to 2 other columns on the LOP main page after you’re done getting through the Menu. Firstly, congratulations go to a new columnist colleague of mine here on LOP; Andy Savana. His main-page debut is well worth your time, so give his ‘Chamber of Pain’ a read when you get a chance.

Furthermore, if this Menu doesn’t contain enough DaveyBoy goodness for you, then you can get even more of yours truly in the August edition of ‘Fact Or Fiction’, which has recently been posted by my PPV Predictions sparring partner Skittlez.

But don’t head off to read those 2 columns just yet as there is a 3 course meal about to be served up to you…..

APPETIZERS

More WWE Releases

As most expected, WWE did not stop at the half a dozen or so wrestlers they released approximately 10 days ago. A few more have been released over this past week, so I thought that I may as well remain consistent and spout out a few comments regarding the recently departed “Superstars”…..

STEVIE RICHARDS: Having had extended stays on the sidelines due to injury and other reasons over his WWE stint, I think Stevie and WWE did well to continue their relationship for this long. Hell, there was even some kind of a promotional push given to Richards earlier this year when WWE ran a couple of vignettes regarding his throat surgeries over his career. Most fans like Stevie and you can count me as one of them, but in truth he was nothing more than an enhancement jobber and I can see why WWE are moving on to give a younger body a try in that same role.

COLIN DELANEY: This release surprises me a little. While Delaney was never going to be a long-term ingredient in WWE, I can’t see the point of signing him to a contract in the first place if they were to let him go this soon. Furthermore, once the trigger was pulled on his heel turn (a turn I disagreed with by the way), I don’t know why a couple of storylines were not at least explored. Strangely enough, I never discounted Delaney having a short ECW Title reign in a Mikey Whipwreck kind of way. Hell, it seemed consistent with the way the title is booked!

THE HIGHLANDERS: Poor old Robbie & Rory… WWE never really took them too seriously and tended to treat them as a comedy act more than anything else (“I’m Robbie”). Before they even debuted, I recommended in my column that they would work best as a part of a stable and I still believe that to this day. They definitely had some talent in an old-school tag-team kind of way, but with the way WWE books tag-teams these days, I guess the writing was on the wall right from the very beginning. If it wasn’t then, it surely was when they half-a$$ed a heel turn a while back!

CHERRY: WWE gave Cherry a try in the ring, but wrestling was never her strong point and the company knew that right from the beginning as she was brought in as a professional manager as such. With Deuce & Domino breaking up & Domino flicked the week before, I guess that WWE didn’t see much worth in Cherry, especially since she didn’t have the diva look similar to Maryse. No great loss I suppose.

Referee WES ADAMS: This decision amazes me. After giving veteran referee Nick Patrick the boot, getting rid of your next best ref seems absurd. Ahhh, who am I kidding, I have no idea which referee Adams was.

MAIN

’SummerSlam’ Review

For those that cannot recall my previous PPV review columns, this is the key that explains what the final PPV Rating means:

<50: Ask for a refund for not only your money, but also your time. [F] (Armageddon ’04)
50-54: Mediocre & disappointing. [D] (EG: No Way Out ’07)
55-59: Average. [C] (EG: Vengeance ‘07)
60-64: Worth A Watch. [C+] (EG: Great American Bash ’08)
65-69: Good event that was worth the money. [B] (EG: Night Of Champions ’08)
70-74: Very good. [B+] (EG: Judgment Day ’08)
75-79: Make sure you add this ppv to your video or dvd collection. [A] (EG: Royal Rumble ’08)
80+: Make sure that the video or DVD is locked in a safe & cannot be erased. Memorable. [A+]

MVP defeated JEFF HARDY: MVP goes for his kick to the face pseudo-finisher multiple times at the beginning of the match, but Jeff is seemingly ready for the strategy & able to counter. A belly-to-belly throw by the heel gains him control and he follows up with 3 interesting looking submission holds. An attempt at a 4th – a backbreaker – is countered however, leading to solid back & forth action. The finishing sequence then sees Hardy hit a Whisper in the Wind to set up his Swanton finisher. But a distraction by Shelton Benjamin at ringside leads to the Swanton missing & MVP following up with his drive-by kick for the victory after 10 minutes. This was significantly better than the previous ppv match these 2 had and made for a handy opener. Thankfully, the mid-match heel offense was at least something different here, although I still believe these 2 could theoretically put together something better. Match Rating… 7.5

SANTINO MARELLA & BETH PHOENIX defeated KOFI KINGSTON & MICKIE JAMES to Win the InterContinental & Women’s Titles: The 2 ladies kick things off with some pretty intense action before Santino is tagged in to allow Mickie to get some crowd-popping offense on the man with the unabrow. Some mixed signals between Glamarella then allows the champs to hit a flurry of offense, with Mickie especially impressive when handing it to Beth. The Women’s Champion then takes it one step further by hitting her DDT finisher on Santino, but the distraction by the Italian allows Phoenix to hit her chicken-wing faceplant finisher on James for the pinfall at the 6 minute mark. This was a sufficiently entertaining intergender match which delivered what WWE intended it to. I was once more very impressed with the action the 2 women delivered, while both men were disappointingly tame from a wrestling perspective, but contributed well to the entertainment factor. A solid overall package that could have done with a couple of extra minutes. Match Rating… 7.5

SHAWN MICHAELS & CHRIS JERICHO SEGMENT: HBK comes to the ring with his wife Rebecca (who looks a lot different to the Nitro Girl I remember from a decade ago) and announces that on doctor’s orders he has decided to retire from professional wrestling. Michaels highlights some of his career highs & lows before being predictably interrupted by a suit-wearing Chris Jericho. Y2J demands an admission that it was he who retired HBK. Shawn admits that, but throws in some unpleasantries for good measure before asking Jericho to promise to tell his wife & kids that he will never be Shawn Michaels. This leads to an intense stare-down and Jericho eventually throwing a straight right towards his adversary. HBK ducks and the punch hits Rebecca flush, knocking her out. These 2 have been great on the mic throughout their feud & this 14 minute segment was no exception as they took fairly simple subject matter & made it engrossing, as well as a means to an end which is of course to continue the feud while adding an extra ingredient. Segment Rating… 7.5

MATT HARDY defeated MARK HENRY by Disqualification in a Match for the ECW Title: 20 seconds of to’ing and fro’ing ends with Matt hitting the Twist of Fate out of nowhere. But Tony Atlas drags Hardy off the cover and lays into him at ringside, causing the DQ result after just 30 seconds! Jeff Hardy then emerges to make the save and the brother’s double suplex the huge ECW Champion at ringside. Well, it looks as if nothing has changed when it comes to the booking of ECW Title matches on pay-per-view, as this becomes yet another short nothing match which only succeeded in gaining an after-match crowd pop due to a non-ECW roster member! Occasionally I ask myself why I haven’t been watching the weekly ECW show of late. This answered my question. Match Rating… 2.5

CM PUNK defeated JBL to Retain the World HeavyWeight Title: JBL takes less than a minute to lock on a headlock, but CM Punk gets the better of the opening exchanges, ending them with a dropkick, suicide dive to the outside and then a top-rope cross-body for a 2 count. The heel challenger works his way back into the bout though & gets a 2 count of his own with a fallaway slam off the turnbuckle. The pace then predictably slows as JBL alternates between restholds, suplexes & clubbing blows. Punk eventually hits a flurry of moves, but his ribs cannot complete his GTS finisher and JBL scores with a clothesline & numerous elbows.

The 2 then look out on their feet as JBL counters a top-rope move for a powerslam & a 2 count. Back up on the turnbuckles, JBL hits a back superplex for another 2 count, but he then has a huge clothesline attempt countered into the GTS for the champ to retain after 11 minutes. This was not too bad of a match at all. To be honest, I’m uncertain that these 2 are capable of much better than this and they struggled to make it last it’s not so long duration. But that duration was about right and this was pretty good for what it was because it contained enough action when all was said and done. If anything, the out-of-nowhere finishing sequence could have been performed a little better, even if it is putting over the suddenness of the GTS. Match Rating… 7.5

TRIPLE H defeated THE GREAT KHALI to Retain the WWE Championship: Triple H goes for an early Pedigree but has no luck as Khali lands an early 2 handed choke-slam. The giant Indian then goes for the kill with his vice-grip finisher, but H escapes and hits a chop-block. To ringside the 2 go, where Khali gets the better of the action following a chop to the head. Back in the ring, the heel challenger goes to work as the crowd chants “You Can’t Wrestle”. Of all things, Khali replies with a resthold before H eventually escapes & attempts another Pedigree. Khali counters with a backdrop to the outside though, before the 2 go back & forth on the apron. The vice-grip is once more locked on, but H hulks up, avoids a clothesline & hits the Pedigree for the win after 10 minutes. I suppose these 2 did well to get to that match duration and there was less dead time than I thought there would be. But this was still pretty average and brought down by its predictability & inevitability. Match Rating… 6

BATISTA defeated JOHN CENA: Despite the lack of a favorable crowd reaction, Cena slightly has the better of the opening back & forth’s, which even includes a near-fall for both men. Cena has an early F-U attempt countered & Batista takes the opportunity to hit a chop-block. Big Dave then continues to channel Ric Flair by locking on a figure 4 leglock, but Cena buys some time by eventually getting free & dumping his opponent to ringside F-U style. The trademark Cena offensive flurry follows, before Batista scores with some intense shots of his own. It is then Cena’s turn to go low & he subsequently locks on the STF-U, which Batista eventually breaks by reaching the ropes. The Animal then counters an F-U attempt with a messy looking rear choke. A spear follows for a super close near-fall, before Cena amazingly counters a slam attempt to land an F-U for a 2.9 of his own.

The 2 then slug it out on the top-rope, before Batista counters a Cena leg-drop attempt for a messy looking powerbomb and yet another false finish. This literally enrages The Animal who scores with a huge kick to the head & follows it up with the fatal blow that is the Batista Bomb at the 14 minute mark. Wow, that was one hell of a back & forth high-impact match that was simply a non-stop ride and a half. In fact, maybe it was too much so as there was hardly a spare second to take it all in. They seemed to be in a rush to get where they were going and in retrospect the duration was never going to get to 15 minutes. Don’t get me wrong though, while this did have a couple of messy moments, it was still very involving, entertaining & memorable, whilst having no wasted moments at all. Match Rating… 8.5

THE UNDERTAKER defeated EDGE in a Hell In A Cell Match: Edge successfully conveys pre-match eagerness for the challenge he is about to face & takes that attitude into the bout as he attacks from the get-go. But his eagerness is used against him by his opponent who quickly takes the action to the floor & begins to use the cage as a weapon. Edge has some success with the help of the steel steps though & then follows it up with some chair-shots while setting up tables & ladders everywhere. The first use of the furniture comes when Edge uses a chair to help him put ‘Taker through a table for a 2 count. Back to the floor they go where Edge hits a huge spear on the Phenom… So huge that the 2 went through a panel of the cell in a crowd-popping spot! This brings the announce tables into play and Edge hits another huge spear across & then through one of them to the amazement of the crowd! The 2 eventually get back in the ring where Edge gets a 2 count with a camera shot to the head, but ‘Taker gets the same result by countering another spear into a choke-slam.

As we cross the 20 minute mark, it is then Edge’s turn to score a near-fall with an Impaler DDT and he gets just as close with yet another spear. A Last Ride Powerbomb then gets a 2 count for The Undertaker, before Edge foolishly attempts old-school only to be choke-slammed through 2 ringside tables! It is then revenge time for the dead man as hits a spear, a camera shot & a conchairto before ending this grueling match with a tombstone piledriver at the 27 minute mark. A thoroughly satisfying main-event, this may have had a couple of slow passages, but they were more than made up for with a few huge spots and a terrific finishing sequence which cleverly played into the long feud that these 2 have had. It is a little shame that WWE had to go overboard afterwards and have Edge choke-slammed through the ring & then set on fire! This match of the night is a genuine match of the year contender. Match Rating… 9

PPV RATING (56/80) = 70

Looking at the key, I have basically given the 2008 version of ‘SummerSlam’ a ‘B+’ grade & said that it was ‘very good’. I am ultimately glad that this event was able to reach that mark as I thought it was exceptionally solid when discounting the ridiculously short ECW Title Match. All of the undercard bouts (& segment) did their job well with most providing good quality entertainment in one form or another. Meanwhile, the 2 main-events very much delivered to their potential despite not being entirely perfect. This wasn’t quite up to the standard set by the 2002 version of SummerSlam, but in a way it was structured similarly and was all the better for that.

DESSERT

3 Part Football’ing Wrestlers Series

I seriously don’t know how this topic idea entered my mind not long back, but it did and I’m going to run with it for some fun. Starting today and then to be included on my next 2 columns, I am going to name what I believe would be the most appropriate team that the current WWE roster would field in 3 separate football codes. Today I list (and explain) which WWE superstars would make for a good soccer team, while in the following weeks I will do the same with both Australian Rules Football and American Football.

I hope that is clear enough. If it is not, I am certain you will get the gist as you read on (presuming you at least have a basic knowledge of the sport of soccer)…..

WWE’s Soccer Team

Goalkeeper: Edge

Defenders: Jeff Hardy – Finlay – Paul Burchill – Shelton Benjamin

Midfielders: Rey Mysterio – Shawn Michaels – Chris Jericho – Carlito

Strikers: John Cena – Randy Orton

Substitutes: Kane – Vladimir Kozlov – Matt Hardy – Santino Marella – Mr.Kennedy

EXPLANATIONS

EDGE (GK): Edge best fits the bill as a soccer goalkeeper because he is the most athletic of the taller WWE wrestlers. While he is not built as solidly as most goalkeepers, he does have near-perfect height. Meanwhile, his seemingly long reach should work well in combination with his athleticism to be able to give him the best chance possible to keep out those well-directed shots heading for the top corner.

JEFF HARDY (Def): Most soccer teams have a wing-back who seems to spend more time running up the sidelines trying to set up goals rather than staying back and defending them. Jeff fits this role perfectly as you could just picture him bursting past his midfield team-mates trying to get involved in a piece of the offensive action, while his manager frantically urges him to get back and play his role in defense.

FINLAY (Def): The Irish are decent soccer players and Finlay fits the role of a defender (or maybe a defensive midfielder) who is able to handle the opposition’s strongest forward, while also serving out some physical punishment to scare the pretty boys in the opposition out of their tiaras. In other words, he is the team thug.

PAUL BURCHILL (Def): It is arguable that the English are decent soccer players as well (although their non-qualification for the latest European Championships would suggest otherwise). Burchill has deceptive height and strength which should serve him well as WWE’s centre-back, while he also has above-average speed & athleticism which suggests that swifter opposition strikers shouldn’t take too much advantage of him.

SHELTON BENJAMIN (Def): If one wide defender is usually enigmatic like Jeff Hardy, the player in the position on the opposite side of the field is usually the player full of potential, but who can never quite take that next step to greatness. Benjamin fits this role perfectly from both a wrestling perspective, but also in terms of his stature as he is about the right height, weight and has all the athletic factors required to fill the role.

REY MYSTERIO (Mid): Often soccer teams will have a tiny but lightning fast wide midfielder-come forward who terrorizes opposition teams and looks most dangerous without ever actually doing a great deal (similar to Tottenham’s Lennon or Arsenal’s Walcott). Rey Mysterio fits this role perfectly and if he was to be on the same side of the field as Jeff Hardy, it would literally be the entertaining train-wreck that a wrestling match between the 2 would be!

SHAWN MICHAELS (Mid): I thought the closest thing the WWE has got to someone who could control the midfield of a soccer team would be Shawn Michaels. This position on the pitch is usually reserved for someone around the height of 6 foot tall, someone with experience and someone who can move around fairly well without being the very best athlete on his team. Shawn Michaels fits the bill well and the clinching factor is that he may be the most reliable person come game time that WWE has.

CHRIS JERICHO (Mid): Soccer teams with good depth will usually have 2 of the Michaels type and simply play an alignment which is able to fit both men in. Jericho easily fits the bill as the next HBK and could very well play a slightly more defensive midfield role for the time being, while slotting in to the Michaels role if injury saw HBK spend some time on the sidelines.

CARLITO (Mid): What would a soccer team be without some South American flair in it? Carlito is the closest thing to a Brazilian or Argentinian that WWE has and similarly to some of their soccer players, he is also a frustrating youngster with more talent than his output would suggest. Plus, he would have serious cushioning effect when heading the ball.

JOHN CENA (Fwd): Who else would be the man to score all the important goals? Fans of this soccer team would suggest that his team-mates do all the work while Cena simply finished things off, but it would soon become clear that this striker was in fact a rather hard-worker and especially important member of the team overall to the point it wouldn’t quite be the same without him.

RANDY ORTON (Fwd): Orton would be the striker that most people (even some of his own team’s supporters) love to hate. He would often go games on end without getting a touch of the ball, but would always come good when his place in the side was questioned in the media. Often scoring goals when a game is all over, his height and athleticism shows unlimited potential, but his injury-prone body would also count against him at all the important times.

———————————————————–

KANE (Sub – GK): Backup goalkeepers are usually backups for a reason. They show some talent, but will usually only go so far in their careers. Sometimes it will be the tendency to not quite perform to the best of their ability when it matters most and sometimes it will be an impromptu crazy mistake which will have them only used when injuries and other factors force the #1 man out of the team. Yep, Kane fits that bill perfectly, while having about the right stature for a goalkeeper.

VLADIMIR KOZLOV (Sub – Def): If Finlay was finding it difficult to fulfill his role in the team due to a lack of height (most likely due to the height of an opposition striker), then someone would be required to fill that role as a substitute. Kozlov seems perfect to me and rather does remind me of a few defenders who tend to play very well against the more lumbering opposition forwards, but get turned inside-out by anyone with just a little bit of pace.

MATT HARDY (Sub – Def/Mid): It is always important to include a Mr Fix-It on the substitutes bench just in case a number of occurrences happen. Matt Hardy plays the role of the versatile hard-worker for WWE very well and I could see him also successfully completing such a role on the company’s soccer team. Whether he is required as a defender, midfielder or even a striker, just call on Matt and he will try his darnedest to get the job done.

SANTINO MARELLA (Sub – Mid): While many soccer teams have some European stars as their best players, for every superstar there is about 10 of the same type who don’t even deserve to be playing in the same division… Yet they do because they are indeed European, even if they probably have been recruited from Serie C in Italy! These players will talk the talk, but will most likely not walk the walk come game time. Marella fits this bill perfectly.

MR.KENNEDY (Sub – Fwd): Lurking on the substitutes bench for every soccer team is a potentially gifted striker who seems to play best when coming off the bench to usually score a late winning goal. Yet, when the same player is started, he tends to not gain the same results that his manager would like over a 90 minute period. Just like in WWE, Mr. Kennedy is poised to take the role of a main-eventer from someone such as Orton… He just needs to capitalize on the opportunity when given the chance to do so.

Well, that was something a little different! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did compiling it. #279 also saw another pay-per-view in the books. If there is anything you agreed or disagreed on with regards to my ‘SummerSlam’ review, please don’t hesitate to email me. Ditto if you believe I missed an obvious WWE wrestler who would make for a good soccer player. Please just be a little patient with my reply getting back to you though, as I still have a dozen or so pieces of feedback to respond to from my last column due to my illness putting me a little behind. My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com, but if you are an LOP Forums member, it would be much appreciated if you could leave feedback on my thread at http://www.lopforums.com/showthread.php?t=159

With the next pay-per-view only 3 weeks away, I will most likely take next week off from column writing. But fear not, I will unleash edition #280 of the Menu at you on the 3rd of September where I will predict whatever the hell event we are next coming up to, as well as throwing another batch of WWE Superstars onto a football field. My column will be posted at the same Wednesday time on the same LOP channel. Until then, this is DaveyBoy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses.

And remember that DaveyBoy’s Album Reviews can be viewed at: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/user_reviews.php?memberid=268913

DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu. 2002-2008

Fact or Fiction: Mike Adamle’s heat, Cena vs. Batista, SNME and More!

Welcome one an all to the August edition of Fact or Fiction! An interesting mix of talents we have here without question. Of all the groups I could have bunched together, this one takes the cake. Guys from all walks of life. Two Lords Of Pain fossils (one of the true originals and the longest tenured columnist in LOP history), perhaps the greatest sigmaker alive and two columnists who are primed and ready for their Main Page deflowerings. I know its the same song and dance every single month but my job is to inform the uninformed so skip down a few sentences if you know the deal already. In this column, we take five individuals and confront them with five wrestling-related topics. It is their jobs to choose whether a statement is “FACT” or “FICTION” and then must justify their decisions with lengthy explanations. Alrighty then… it’s on with the show. Before we officially kick things off, let us introduce the participants.

The volunteers for today’s proceedings are…

Tito author of The WRATH of TITO

DaveyBoy author of DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu

Noc heralded sigmaker from the LOP Graphics & Testing Forum

EB4 author of Breaking the 4th Wall

JoeyShinobi author of The Shinobi Slam

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Fact or Fiction: Saturday Night’s Main Event isn’t used properly anymore and should therefore be discontinued.

(Tito) I will say FICTION only on the basis that whenever the WWE can obtain a big national TV contract, they should sink their teeth into it no matter what. From a fan’s perspective, though, I’ll sit on the fence and say FACT. Point is that fans are over-saturated with WWE stuff. Back in the day, you caught highlight shows or watered down syndicated shows that had stars mauling jobbers. Plus, there were less Pay Per Views. When SNME aired, it was like a Pay Per View event and you could finally see star wrestlers fight each other.

(DaveyBoy) Suggesting that Saturday Night’s Main Event should be discontinued because it hasn’t been used properly is akin to saying that gimmick characters should not appear in professional wrestling due to The GobbledyGooker. FICTION. Halting the network televised special is the easy way out. If it hasn’t been used properly the last couple of times, surely the brains behind WWE can earn the big bucks they are making, learn from their errors and begin to use the promotional avenue which they have been granted more aptly. In other words: Begin using it properly! Of course, whether the actual network continues to allow WWE the opportunity to make SNME a success is a totally different question.

(Noc) Firstly, who the fuck is stupid enough to ask a graphics guy about wrestling opinions? Way to go Skitz :/ (Insert “Laugh Out Loud”). Secondly, and I suppose most importantly, I’m going to hit this straight out and give this to FICTION on a split decision. Partly fact as I don’t believe they have been used properly since they were brought back from the perspective of most fans; however as a marketing tool and ploy to grab some extra cash from our rears they have been quite successful. If a fan wants to be immersed, they have to watch all programming… simple as that. They may not be terribly successful but obviously they bring in enough cash to make them worth the expense, and so based on that alone they should stay.

(EB4) Well, to be honest I haven’t really been watching SNME since like the first two times it returned, probably due to the damned spoilers. As a kid though, I saw when I could. I am seeing now that I’m not missing much, and the SNME I prefer is used to further big feuds before PPVs, with some wrestling sprinkled in. I know they wasted that shot this past edition as well as some others so yes, I find that today’s SNME misused to an extent. But, it doesn’t mean it should be discontinued, because anything the WWE does can be changed. The thing is that the E is very set in their ways. I guess due to the ‘and’ in this question, I say FICTION. But, I do find that SNME could be done better.

(JoeyShinobi) For me, anything WWE air on television needs to be storyline focused. I think it’s great that the WWE are interested in raising awareness on autism, and that they’ve linked up with some of the big draws in Hollywood to do it, but putting on an exhibition show with a couple of half-hearted matches doesn’t do justice to the cause, or the performers. As for SNME, televised exhibition matches don’t do a lot for that program’s legacy either. Its original success seemed to stem from the exclusivity of being able to watch the biggest stars on free television; now, we can see all of these guys every week anyway. Why would we tune in to see them on a Saturday night now, when we can see them on a Monday, a night where generally, we don’t really have better things to do? Oh yeah, fact or fiction…well, I call fact on the first part, but fiction on the second. The nobility of the cause is something I think the WWE is right to endorse and is right to promote. SNME is so sporadic these days anyway that calling time on it forever may not be the smartest move, because I think it may have a use later on. I’m going with FICTION.

Fact or Fiction: The SummerSlam bout between John Cena and Batista is the biggest draw currently available in the WWE.

(JoeyShinobi) Well, given that I firmly believe that Cena and Batista are two of the most overrated senior talents the WWE currently have, I have to call FICTION. Although well aware that Cena is probably the biggest star the company have, I don’t think he provides value like Edge, Triple H or The Undertaker, although to be fair to him, he does seem to have spent most of his time since WrestleMania putting JBL over to the Raw crowd. Batista, to me, simply isn’t very interesting. He’s a poor man’s Rock. The other thing that leads me to call fiction is the timing of this ‘feud’, as they are both premier faces on Raw. If one of them were to have turned heel, and then started the feud, I might have a different answer. But SummerSlam’s card features a couple of matches I’m looking forward to seeing far more than Cena and Batista, and at the top of that list is Edge vs. Undertaker. That’s the biggest draw, for me. After that, Triple H vs. Undertaker, that’s a match I’d really like to see. Either could very easily turn heel (I’d wager it would be H) to make this feud a mouth-watering prospect. Cena and Batista don’t have that kind of draw, because their characters are not developed to a point where they can make a feud genuinely interesting – the fact that Creative have had to ‘spice it up’ by making them tag champs (and in the process, shit on two of their hottest next generation prospects) suggests that they aren’t capable of real chemistry just by what they do in the ring and what they say and do to each other in storyline. One day, they will be ready, and the fact that people were hyping this showdown for Houston suggests that one day, this will be the biggest draw. I hope they don’t ruin it now, because to me, this rivalry isn’t ‘ripe’ yet.

(Tito) I’ll suggest FICTION because Batista has never been a legitimate draw. His many matches with HHH during 2005, I believe (maybe 2006) were total drags in Pay Per View buy rates. He’s been getting mixed reactions for years and he doesn’t have the work rate to get a superior Pay Per View match out of John Cena. That’s where guys like Edge or Shawn Michaels should come in, especially to make SummerSlam, a top tier WWE event, look great.

(DaveyBoy) As much as it is one of the true fresh match-up’s between WWE main-eventers, I’m calling this FICTION. There is clearly a demand for it due to the ‘freshness’ factor, but I still don’t sense that it lifts the anticipation to the astronomical heights befitting of calling it WWE’s current biggest draw. I may have considered it more strongly if the feud had been building up for longer or even if one of the wrestlers was actually a heel, but for fear of being boring I still feel a pay-per-view headlined by Triple H vs Cena would outsell a Batista vs Cena show. In fact, WWE’s Big 3 right now are arguably Cena, Triple H & The Undertaker… Any combination of those 3 in a 1 on 1 match would most likely draw better than Cena vs Batista, despite all match-ups already having occurred in the past.

(Noc) FICTION alllll the way. Yes it’s a huge draw but I’m pretty damn sure Undertaker vs. HHH is a bigger and better draw simply put. Although Batista versus Cena is close, I really doubt people would care as much as ‘Taker vs. HHH. There’s just something about the Attitude era stars that makes it so appealing I guess.

(EB4) I’m gonna say FACT. I say this because this ‘big’ feud has yet to be done. I mean HHH/Taker now could be bigger, but I like feuds I don’t see, or at least portrayed in a different way.(HHH/Orton in 04, HHH/Orton in 08) This one involves arguably the two most dominant guys in the E, save for H. Cena and Batista is a feud that I’ve wanted to see happen for a while, and I believe I am not the only one with those sentiments. Perennial faces, perennial champs, now feuding over who is better. What could have made this better would be a belt, on the line and if this happened in the springtime.

Fact or Fiction: Mike Adamle is without question the most hated General Manager to date.

(EB4) FICTION. Vickie Guerrero is the most hated GM in history, no question. Ever. Adamale’s hate isn’t even based on the GM job but more about the ECW fans who are upset about his announcing, and still are even though he doesn’t do the job anymore. Besides, so far I think he’s done well, save for the same problem he had while announcing, which is nowhere near as bad as it started out. Eventually, he may become the most hated, but I see him as more of a Tweener, and I think a tweener GM is something the E should have already implemented at least on a trial run.

(JoeyShinobi) Interesting question, this. Adamle is in a strange situation in that most of his heat is not derived from storyline actions, but from his supposed ineptness on the announcer’s table. In terms of crowd heat, Vickie Guerrero has this category nailed down, unfortunately for Adamle. Most of her heat has come about from her relationship with Edge, her annoying voice, and the perception by many smarks that she’s cashing in on her late husband’s name. I think she’s proved the majority of those people wrong, because she’s been a key component in one of the better storylines of the year. Vickie has been the top heel in the company for quite some time now, Adamle has really just looked out of depth, however much his perceived ineptness may have been building towards this storyline. On a side note, I think it’s kinda funny that people are still commenting on his lack of preparation and how it detracts from the quality, pointing to his cue cards he used on stage – without considering it might well be a gimmick. On ECW, he was a mediocre announcer on what can be quite fairly called as a mediocre production. But the first Raw in August, where he opened the show, he managed to get a fair number of cheers once he’d started making matches. He won’t be popular, by any means, but seeing as the question involved the words ‘without question’, I’m going with FICTION. Adamle is probably more intensely hated by a much smaller proportion of wrestling viewers. Vickie is generally disliked by everyone – Adamle isn’t a big enough deal yet for a lot of people to care.

(Tito) This is complete FICTION. Eric Bischoff had a reign of terror for what, 3 years, and was very much hated because he was the former WCW boss. Plus, he actually had the sleaziness of his old WCW self around. I thought he was great as RAW GM and he kept my interest. The mere shock value of Bischoff running a WWE show is enough alone, but he did a fairly good job in those some odd 3 years or whatever to merit being the most hated GM the WWE ever had since the brand concept was invented in 2002.

(DaveyBoy) You usually have to do something to be really hated and Adamle hasn’t exactly done much in his role thus far to be so hated, so this is an easy FICTION. And that first sentence can be viewed from both a kayfabe OR real-life view-point! Pretty much any heel GM can book dastardly handicap matches which will see a face battle the odds. But will Adamle do a William Regal and book himself in title matches…??? I think not. Will Adamle do a Vickie Guerrero and physically interfere in a match costing Rey Mysterio the World HeavyWeight Title…??? Maybe, but until he does, he cannot be classified as the most hated General Manager to date. And hey, who can forget Eric Bischoff!?!?!?

(Noc) Hated. Very ambiguous word when used in the realm of Pro Wrestling. However, I’ll take the good heat version as the definition of choice for this question and therefore give this a resounding FICTION. Uncle Eric was way more successful in getting heat on RAW and was the best, most hated GM in the history of RAW. Maybe after a couple of years, Mikey boy can try to compete with him. However, first off he just needs time and experience in the role. Secondly, he’s going to need some good storylines to help him get more hated in a good way.

Fact or Fiction: The Big Show will continue to feud with mainly monster heels until 2009.

(Noc) I think this depends on the main part of the question as I don’t think there are enough of the monsters for him to feud with over the next four months into 2009. I’m highly confident that he will end up swinging between heel and face and put over at least one smaller person if not two by ’09. Therefore, I judge thee: FICTION.

(EB4) FICTION. He did the Khali feud, there’s Kozlov, and possibly Mark Henry. Especially with the release of BDV, there just aren’t enough of them and I for one am happy that this is the case. I’ve personally grown tired of it. But, I think the novelty act is played, and to be honest, this Fiction is more of a hope fiction, because I do think that is the future of Big Show, which would be a shame even though I am interested in a Show/Kozlov feud.

(JoeyShinobi) I hope to hell this is fiction. Big Show has proved himself, since his return, to be one of the most versatile and engaging performers the WWE has. He’s dying for a decent storyline, and someone like MVP will provide a far more engaging spectacle to watch than seeing Show against Mark Henry again, and it also represents an opportunity for someone like MVP to perhaps add a big scalp to his resumé. I’ve got a soft spot for Show (no homo), he was involved in the angle that got me into wrestling (the 4-way title match at WrestleMania with Show, Triple H, Foley and The Rock), and his story and his return makes him deserving of more than participating in these freaks of nature matches he consistently gets himself embroiled in. Big Show should be used in one of two ways, for my money; either as the experienced mid-carder, like a Michaels or a Kane or a Jericho, putting on good value feuds and pulling other mid-carders up and onto bigger and better things, or he needs to be used as a bad-ass battering ram, creating chaos around the title scene. Monster heel matches bore the shit out of everyone, they’re slow, they generally involve obviously unfit and immobile performers, but Show is better than that, and deserving of more. In any case, he’s faced them all – Khali, Mark Henry, Kane – since February. The only one left worth bothering with is Umaga, and the big one, Undertaker. Taker will be tied up with Edge and Triple H for a good while yet, so I say FICTION.

(Tito) This is FACT. What else is the Big Show going to do? He’s too big to make fans believe that a John Cena could ever beat him in a legitimate fight. That’s always been the problem with the Big Show dating back to when he was the Giant in WCW. Who can legitimately take him in a fight that’s on the WWE roster? I don’t see many, if any at all. Thus, the way to book him is to have him act as a circus freak show and pray that it draws. Otherwise, change up his role a bit… Kevin Nash was a loser until he became a cool bodyguard named Diesel.

(DaveyBoy) Having just written a column about The Big Show’s “Stealth turn” to a face via nothing more than a horrible cheesy grin, nothing would surprise me about how WWE use The Big Show over the next 5 months. Seriously, his comeback has been nothing short of a disaster by my reckoning and WWE shows are better for not including him right at this moment. His feud with Umaga has been put on hold due to an injury to the Samoan Bulldozer, but that feud still appears to be the plan for the next month or so. With Khali, Bam Neely and even ECW’s Mark Henry still in the equation, I suppose this comment is FACT and The Big Show will continue to feud with mainly monster heels until 2009. I’m unsure I care to be honest.

Fact or Fiction: Kane’s latest push will ultimately lead him to a World Heavyweight Championship reign.

(DaveyBoy) I have always been a fan of the Big Red Machine. Just as importantly, I have always been a fan of Glenn Jacobs due to his loyalty and ability to take whatever crap WWE have thrown at him and somehow make do to the best of his abilities. But unfortunately that crap over the years has really derailed his character to the point where he should never be in serious World title contention (excluding the ECW Title of course, which simply doesn’t count). Unless I am in for a surprise, this latest push does not appear to be anything we have not seen before. So while it could result in him challenging and putting over a reigning champion, I cannot see it resulting in a World Heavyweight Championship reign. Therefore, this is FICTION.

(Noc) Nope. Not a chance. FICTION. End of. Kane will at the most get a title shot but even then the whole Psycho part MLVII will most likely culminate in putting over the current face Champion whether that be Punk, Cena, Batista or someone else. Kane just doesn’t ever seem to get anywhere anymore and so I’m going to greet history and agree with the mofo; Kane isn’t gonna reign. And that makes it 5/5.

(EB4) FICTION. Has anything Kane ever done led to a WHC reign? The ECW one doesn’t count, that was a “Thanks for jobbing” gift. This may lead to a match, and to be honest I didn’t know that this was a push that Kane was getting, I mean he always intimidates people. But, I figure that one day, Kane will get a top title reign, for he doesn’t deserve to have a one day reign on his otherwise pretty impressive record. Wow, 4 Fictions and 1 Fact. Did not see that coming.

(JoeyShinobi) Is this a push? He was thrown into a number one contenders’ match, and lost it, and he’s not really involved with anyone at the moment. Kane should be dominant if he’s getting a push, and at the moment he’s not really owning anyone. I was really looking forward to where this angle was going, and now I’m a little bit confused by it all. Anyway, it doesn’t make sense for Kane to be given the WHC at the end of all of this, he’s supposed to be confused and distracted and completely unconcerned with winning anything. So, here be the full house – FICTION.

(Tito) Ha, whatever… FICTION! Let’s run down the embarrassments in Kane’s career. First, the guy can shoot fire out of the ground and yet he can’t ever kill his own brother, the Undertaker. Paul Bearer is his father and yet that was completely forgotten when the Undertaker killed him a few years ago. Katie Vick, anyone? The unmasking was the biggest joke, ever, especially with the poor haircut. Having to look weak for Shane McMahon… the list goes on. He’s been a big victim of Triple H’s demolishing of main eventers throughout the year and was thus told to fans that he can’t main event. They’ll screw up this push as they’ve screwed up many in the past. If he gets the belt, it won’t be for long.

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Well that’s going to wrap things up for now. Hopefully, you enjoyed what we brought to the table. If not… go complain about it elsewhere because you’ll get no sympathy from us crybabies. A quick shout-out to Noc for providing us with one kick ass column banner. If this wasn’t enough to satisfy your taste buds, don’t hesitate to check out the LOP Columns Forum for more wrestling goodness. These guys along with many others get the job done on a daily basis down in the forums. Do us a favor and go take a look before they resort to a life of crime and cheap sex. On a happier note, check back this time 30 days from now for the next breathtaking installment of Fact or Fiction. But don’t look ahead too soon. Why not tell them exactly what you thought? Sounds like a great idea to me! Below are the emails for the respective participants. Now go and write them if you know what’s good for you.

THE SUPERBOOK!–CHAPTER 3: ANTICHRIST SUPERSTAR

 

 

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Matthew 24:10-12

10 “And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. 11 And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. 12 And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold…

 

THE SUPERBOOK!–CHAPTER 3:
ANTICHRIST SUPERSTAR

Once upon a time, millions and millions of wrestling fans openly worshipped the Devil.

The last great boom period in wrestling was called “The Attitude Era,” but a more apt name would be the “Satanic Era.” What was once a family show became a vile, perverse, unGodly showcase bent on sending the whole family to Hell. Right before the audience’s very eyes, Satan raised up the Antichrist Superstar…

 

THE FALSE PROPHET!…

 

In 1996, Jake “The Snake” Roberts made a shocking return to WWF. But it wasn’t the same evil Snakeman. This was a new man. A born again Christian. Prior to this, Roberts was a known Satanist, naming his two snakes Damien and Lucifer. Now, as a supposed new man of faith, he named his new snake “Revelations.” But the holy moniker bestowed upon the snake wasn’t tribute, it was blasphemy! The snake represents Satan from the Garden of Eden. With the snake named “Revelations,” and thumping the Bible, Jake The Snake Roberts was the false prophet used to put over the coming Antichrist Superstar.

 

John 3:16 

16“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

John 3:16 is regarded as the most popular verse in the Bible. This all encompassing “Bible in a nutshell” quote summarizes the central theme of Christianity.

 

During the great tribulation period in wrestling, arose a beast speaking great things and blasphemies.

“You sit there and you thump your bible and you say your prayers, and it didn’t get you anywhere. Talk about your Psalms, talk about John 3:16… Austin 3:16 says: ‘I just whipped your ass’!!” 

—Stone Cold Steve Austin, King Of The Ring 1996 Coronation.

Austin 3:16 wasn’t an off-the-cuff random quip, it was a carefully chosen, demonically inspired blasphemous catchphrase. The Attitude Era began with that Satanic proclamation.

Psalm 12:8 

8 “The wicked walk on every side, when the vilest men are exalted.”

Stone Cold Steve Austin led the Attitude Era, giving way to a new generation of immorality. Wrestlers by the droves followed suit and began glorifying sinful behavior. Old heels became new faces, as Degeneration X, Val Venis, The Godfather, and others were now the new heroes. WWF began turning towards a more edgier, adult oriented product. Unprecedented for a form of entertainment that was previously built around the family audience.

Though entertainment as a whole was increasingly shifting towards a more raunchier style with the popularity of shows like Jerry Springer, Howard Stern, and of course the smash-mouth wrestling product of one ECW, outright Satanism was at the forefront of WWF programming.

Wrestling’s newest icon broke tradition by becoming incredibly over with the audience despite his character being a heel. The audience in their hearts made him a face.

 

REBEL WITH A CAUSE!…

As a truck driving, beer drinking, bird flipping, blue collar redneck outlaw, Austin struck a cord with wrestling audiences who vicariously released their aggression through his performances. However, another tweak to his character was his unnecessary brazen antichristian rhetoric. With Austin 3:16, the outlaw Stone Cold rebelled against the highest authority. But it wouldn’t be the only time, as his hate filled speech would also target Christians.

 

“You want mercy? Take your ass to church!”

“I’m here to drink beer and raise hell!”

“Stone Cold’s time has come and in the dark or in the light you’re looking at the next WWF champion whether anyone likes it or not…”

Revelation 13:3

3 “And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast…”

DEADLY WOUND!…

In Scripture, The Antichrist is prophesized as having a deadly wound that is healed. This refers to a hindrance that momentarily stops the Antichrist from proceeding, but the deadly wound later becomes healed by Satan and the hindrance is eventually taken out of the way.

While Stone Cold’s antichristian stance was an underlying theme to his character, it was easily overlooked in favor of his otherwise entertaining outlaw rebel routine. Amidst all of this rebellion, WWF fans suspended their belief and followed Stone Cold, unknowingly bearing witness to a Satanic ritual…

Revelation 13: 6-7
6 “And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven. 7 And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them…”

In 1990, Hulk Hogan covertly became a false Christ by clandestinely reenacting The Crucifixion and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. During the Attitude Era, Stone Cold Steve Austin would overtly reenact the same biblical events, substituting himself in place of Jesus Christ.

In storyline, Austin had to defeat the Undertaker in a Buried Alive match in order to qualify for the Royal Rumble match to get to Wrestlemania. A week before the match, as build up, Undertaker tied Austin to his symbol and raised him up.

“They crucified Austin!” —Jim Ross

The next show was Rock Bottom 1998, Stone Cold Vs. The Undertaker in a Buried Alive match. Austin won the match by indeed burying Undertaker in the makeshift grave.

The events that unfolded were part of a satanic ritual that symbolically reversed the Bible accordingly.

After Jesus Christ was crucified, during his ascension there was an earthquake that split the earth, opening the tombs of saints and they came back to life and went into the town as proof of Christ’s promise of eternal life. The match even included an explosion, followed by Kane coming out of the grave. In the Bible, Cain commits the first murder on his brother, Abel. So we have the evil brother come out of the grave and put the saint back in the grave and bury him under the direction of the Antichrist.

The match was specifically orchestrated to precisely reverse the Bible’s story.

Another Satanic ritual involved Owen Hart in 1998. The WWF unveiled a biblical structure, The Lion’s Den.

Owen Hart participated in the first and only Lion’s Den match. While the match was supposedly a play on Ken Shamrock’s Mixed Martial Arts style, there is no such contraption in MMA. However, the Lion’s Den is in the Bible.

The story of Daniel includes him being put in a lion’s den full of hungry beasts. He was put inside of it by sinful haters because of his faith. But through the grace of God, not a single lion touched him.

For every natural action there is a spiritual consequence.

Satanic rituals are a big part of practicing Satanism, done in an effort to conjure up demonic spirits and invoke Satan. The problem with practicing satanic rituals is that death always follows.

Romans 12:1-2

1 “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

Since God demands you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice and since the Devil always does the opposite of God, The Devil always demands a dead sacrifice.

Which is why In Hollywood, every time horror is depicted in a movie, somebody in the movie or related to somebody in the movie has to die because the Devil was glorified. Freak accidents, bizarre deaths have been well documented as occurring on movie sets such as the Exorcist and The Poltergeist as well as many others, because Satan was given glory.

The Devil knows you’re not going to just simply worship him if asked. He knows you would never soberly engage in blasphemy against God, so he has to trick you into doing so. He’s not going to force you to take the mark, he’s going to cause you to take the mark, meaning he’s going to trick you into worshipping him.

So he raises up an Antichrist Superstar for fans to follow.

Stone Cold Steve Austin was wrestling’s biggest star surpassing Hulk Hogan’s popularity. Unlike the wholesome Hulkster, Steve Austin was a different role model. With his rebellious outlaw persona he was dubbed The Antihero of wrestling. But upon closer examination it is clear that he was in fact the Antichrist of wrestling. The legacy of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

——————————————————————-

…………………………………………………….NOC!

SUPERFANLOP@GMAIL.COM

July Column Of The Month – The MadRanter by MadChuck

Each month in the Columns Forum at the LOP Forums, a vote is held to determine which column series is the best during that month. For the month of July, the winner was MadChuck, who will be posting his work on his specialty, aptly named “The MadRanter”. Warning: If you’re easily offended by some people’s writing, then if you read this, you’ll be… easily offended, I guess. You’ve been warned.

Make sure you read this and tell MadChuck what you think about it, sending him feedback by emailing him at dilnaylomo@yahoo.co.uk. I’m sure he’ll get a lot of interesting feedback. Enjoy, everyone.

The MadRanter: JR is a Fat Smelly Bastard + other Rants

This is a grand occasion for those of you who have never had the chance to read one of my columns. I hold nothing back, I praise those who ought to be praised and I fuck those who ought to be fucked. I don’t limit myself to wrestling issues only, if something big in the “Real World” catches my interest I’ll talk about it. My biggest accomplishment in life so far has been my successful campaign in outing the talent less piece of ghetto trash named Bobby Lashley. I ain’t racist, I love Big Daddy V. But enough with the intro. Let’s go.

A True Real Life Hero

I want to start this column rolling on a good note, so I have decided to remind everybody of a true hero in the world of professional wrestling. No this man did not sellout PPV’s, and no this man wasn’t what you would call an upper tier star. The man that I am talking about had talent, no doubt, but he would be labeled a worker, a work horse in this business. His name is Perry Saturn.

I don’t know how many people know this about the man, but Perry once heroically stopped and saved a girl from rape. Not in some wrestling angle, but a real life rape. Because of this act of heroism, Perry was sadly shot in the neck by the rapist. The gunshot wound that he sustained is the reason why he isn’t able to work in the ring anymore.

Perry’s heroic act was never much publicized by anybody. Perry never got any awards or much less press from this. But I for one am proud of this guy as a human being. I must admit that I wasn’t a huge fan of Perry’s work when he was in the WWE. But for your selfless act of true heroism I salute you Perry Saturn.

If anybody out there thinks that what the man did is simple and not heroic than you are dead wrong. It’s real simple to be in the comfort of your own home or office and think that you are going to do something heroic to save someone you never met in your life. It takes guts, and it takes a good heart. Perry you have my respect and I wish that all is well with you.

My Rant on Good Ole JR:

JR I want to say that you are without a doubt, one of the biggest fattest and smelliest geeks in the industry. Every single damn time I think back on how you holler: “Stone Cold, Stone Cold, Stone Cold” makes me sick.

You JR are without a doubt the biggest Steve Austin Nerd Mark in the universe. I don’t know if it’s your hat or what, but you really remind ot that geek in school who gets picked on everyday at school and vomits milk after a beating. But I will not take away from you the fact that you are a great announcer, the best one in the WWE at the moment. Albeit a fat, nerdy, geeky one.

I have a beef with you though, and that’s your kiss ass comments on Mike Adamle. You had the gall to say that we the fans are not giving Adamle a chance to grow in the role of GM. Well you fat barbeque eating cow, why should we?

What the fuck has Adamle done to deserve a shot at being Raw GM.? I don’t want to give a chance to Adamle to succeed. The guy knows shit about wrestling. He is in here because he is a buddy of some NBC exec. The guy has paid no dues to get here. You fat cowboy wearing nerd.

I understand that you have to say good shit about Adamle because you are basically a puppet of the E, but I still hate you for it. You fat fucking bastard. If Taz for example was named as the Raw GM and people were shitting him, I’d understand your comments of giving the guy a chance. But this is Mike Fucking Adamle. Who the flying fuck is he? Common fans like me do not give a damn about who the fuck he knows in the corporate world. We just want to be entertained. He is just an uninteresting guy who can’t even call a match or a wrestlers name right.

If he could be Raw GM, then why not have Zeke from Saved by the Bell do it. Or why not just have some unknown actor do it. Suck my fucking nuts JR; you are nothing but a McMahon crony. Whatever so called “legitimacy” you had is out the fucking window. I’m glad you are on Smackdown now simply because you don’t like it. Do you dislike it because it messes up your Friday night routine of going to Sizzlers for a $4 buffet?

Hey JR take that ninth ham and egg sandwich you are having for breakfast out of your mouth, put it between your butt cheeks, rub it in and then stuff it in your shit spewing mouth. You motherfucker you.

You may or may not read this, and you may or may not respond to this, but I for one know that I couldn’t believe half the shit that you spew from your BBQ smelling blog.

Shawn Michaels Angles Rant:

I for one am sick and fucking tired of all the hurt angles that HBK gets into. Hello fucking morons. HBK will not retire. Believe me people, the fucking guy is just resting and getting some time off.

I cannot believe the shit that I hear, people getting sentimental and shit about HBK. Fuck you marks, grow the fuck up. He will return and wrestle and beat Chris Jericho. This is exactly the Rocky II formula, remember? Rocky’s right eye was supposedly injured and couldn’t see from his right side anymore? But he still comes back to beat his African American opponent in the end.

This is just a fucking angle, people. No need to get teary eyed. This is a way to just stall for time and build interest for HBK eventual return. I don’t have any problem with HBK, I like him. I don’t have any problem with the angle too, I think it’s good. I just can’t believe that some people may think that HBK will really retire; to the point where certain wrestling radio shows actually debate this as real industry news. For fucks sake.

Mick Foley and Edge Promo

If you missed the Cutting Edge segment with special guest Mick Foley promo on Smackdown, you MUST watch it. I don’t care what you do, download it or Youtube it. It’s that fucking good.

Mick Foley cut one of the best promos of all time. The salvation of Edge’s soul if you ask me. Amazing. Edge did an amazing job setting up the interview and selling the impact of Mick’s words too. Mick Foley showed that he is still one of the best on the mic bar none.

Mick should give oratory lessons. Guys like CM Punk, Jeff Hardy and Shelton Benjamin should watch every old Cactus Jack/Mankind/Mick Foley promo’s and LEARN. Mick’s promo came off as sincere, sinister and heartfelt. His words had meaning and feeling. This from a guy who is overweight, not handsome and retired from the ring to boot.

Come back and wrestle Mick, you are still better to watch than half of the younger (as fat fuck JR would call) “studs” in the business.

JBL for WWE Champion

I have been a fan of JBL ever since his heel turn. I thought he was okay when he was in the APA, but he truly shined when he became the bully with the money. This guy is pure heel genius people. He is a wrestling treasure. I am sick of tweeners who try to emulate Stone Cold and go for that middle of the road do what’s best for oneself thing. If you are a heel, than play the fucking heel.

Edge is another fine heel that should be treasured too. JBL is hated for being a bully in the locker room and shit like that. As if I give a fuck. What matters is that the guy is mic gold and he is a down and out brawler. This guy is a throw back heel demonstrating what a heel truly should be. I can guarantee that this guy won’t complain if he never had a chance to have a face run again.

The guy is rich, is wrestling with a bad back. What more do you want from the guy? As for CM Punk, well I don’t know if you have noticed it yet, but the guy has zero charisma on the mic, putting the belt on him now is a bad decision, what Punk has to do is to have a good couple of feuds under his belt, than maybe you stick the fucking belt on him. I’m sick of the WWE putting titles on guys to get guys over.

All I see now, is a guy with decent in ring talent, but no history and no character build up for me to fall in love with. I don’t see enough of this guy’s character to follow him. Same thing with Jeff Hardy, I like watching his matches a lot, but every time he goes on the mic, it’s just like nothings there, sorry.

For a champ to succeed today the performer must be able to do three things.

1) Work a decent match

2) Have Charisma

3) Can talk on the mic like a motherfucker.

CM Punk is exactly what JBL says he is, an asterisk champion, a transitional champion. JBL should play the mega arrogant heel champ until a true heel champion dethrones him at Wrestlemania 25. Remember this Punk marks, HHH should retain against Khali, Undertaker and Edge will close out the show, perfect timing for JBL to win. Yes.

The Real WWE Titles:

Ever since the draft we have seen an amazing amount of changes in the WWE Universe, HHH and Fat Boy JR going to Smackdown, CM Punk as your WWE Champion, a sudden influx and believe in younger talent. It seems that the WWE is all of a sudden listening to the fans for once.

Should we be grateful? Of course not. I say it’s about fucking time that they give us fans something good to watch and talk about. We pay hard earned money and spend valuable time to watch their stuff.

Should I should be thankful now that the scene is finally not dominated by Cena being champ?

Should I be thankful that we finally get to see some young guns come on the scene? Don’t be fucking naïve people. We deserve this sort of entertainment, because while real guys with real lives are out fucking girls and drinking wine, we are home watching and analyzing wrestling angles for god’s sake.

But I for one am not fooled. The reason that the WWE is finally giving us a good show is because they want to make more money!!! Money, Money, Money. See it seems that the WWE is clearly trying to pump up their ratings, thus this sudden influx of changes. Maybe they wanna generate more commercial money or stimulate their stock with higher ratings.

It’s good, don’t get me wrong, as a fan, I’m happy to see these changes, but I know the reason behind it. Money controls everything. If Vince McMahon was told that Santino Morella shirts were outselling John Cena shirts 100 to 1, you can bet your bottom dollar that Morella will be WWE champion. See there really is no WWE champion. But what we do have are Merchandise Champions and Ratings Champions.

Merchandise Champions:

This one is very simple to identify by the powers that be in the WWE. Sales and figures do not lie, if John Cena Shirts are selling by the boat loads, then by god, we are going to push and broadcast John Cena more on TV. I can guarantee you that this is the true honor that Cena values.

It’s not the WWE Title Belt. Sure the WWE Title belt would be a nice bonus, but in the end, Merchandise Revenue is what counts because it shows a person’s popularity and don’t forget, wrestlers get a percentage of the revenue for their Merchandise sold. If your merchandise sells, you know your are in Vince’s good graces.

Ratings Championship:

Identifying a Ratings Champ is something different altogether. To find out the holders of this title, one must go to the Nielsen ratings. This is where you will see which segment of Raw gained and lost it’s viewers.

This is a very important factor which dictates how much you will see a performer on TV, even though this certain performer may not be selling much merchandise. I truly think that this statistic benefits the heels most. Lets face it, a lot of people probably wants to see JBL get his ass whooped on Raw, but none of these people are likely going to buy a JBL T-Shirt, based on merchandise sales alone, JBL might have been off television and out of the WWE along time ago, but because peoples hatred of him is so high, that when people see him cutting a promo or compete in a match, people would stick around and watch and hope to see him get his ass handed to him.

This is why if you look at Nielsen reports, you will clearly see that segments involving JBL gains viewers, kind of like the Howard Stern phenomena back when Stern was just getting hot in the New York radio market. People who like his show tune in for an average of one hour a day, but an average person who hates him actually tunes in to him 4 hours a day. See the analogy here people.

The two factors that I have pointed out above is the exact reason why you are see certain wrestlers pushed a lot more than others. I’m a genius thank you.

TNA Sucks Balls

TNA sucks, period. WWE’s trash is TNA’s gold. How in the world could one put Matt Fucking Morgan or Tyson Tomko in the main event. These guys were class C rejects in the WWE, and they ain’t looking much better in TNA. TNA in my opinion is worse than WCW pre Hogan. At least WCW had their own stars like Flair, Sting, Vader, The Steiners, Arn Anderson, Brian Pillman, and Lex Luger.

What homegrown talent does TNA have? Abyss is a good performer I’ll give you that, but can anyone see him and that mask and not think of Mankind? Jeff Jarrett has zero charisma. Christopher Daniels has been turned into a clown. Samoa Joe does not deserve to be champion and is not drawing money. The rest are just a bunch of guys jumping around the ring during spot after spot after spot and selling nothing.

The situation hasn’t gotten any better with the arrival of ex WWE talent. Kurt Angle is a walking time bomb. The guy was basically let go because of his drug problem and if he does not cut down on the prescription drugs he will end up dying in the ring of heart failure. Christian will always be remembered as Edge’s tag team partner his run as NWA champ is almost forgettable. Booker T, failed a drug test in the WWE, and left because he didn’t want to be suspended.

I’m telling you now people, if these ex WWE guys can’t cut the schedule or is too weak to negotiate a reduced work schedule with Vince than they should stay at TNA, shit TNA is dumb enough to pay these guys all this money while the ratings have not really improved for shit. What is it with all these gimmick matches anyway? You are already competing in a six sided fucking ring. Every single match that I see is always either interfered with by 3 or 4 guys or you always have these stupid stipulations.

Wait I forgot about this one other guy who is in TNA right now. Sting. Sting I loved you in WCW, you have a great gimmick with the black crowe gimmick. But enough is enough. Either get in the WWE while you still can and feud with the Undertaker or fucking retire. You are wasting your time with TNA, but seeing how driven by money you are, I guess it would be hard to say no to all the money that they are paying you to work ten shows a year. Please Sting. Just retire.

Then there we have the fat champ, Samoa Joe. Joe, just lose some fucking weight please. You are fucking fat. Umaga looks fat too, but his fat is solid. Your fat can do waves and bounces. You are supposed to be the brightest spot in TNA right now who is not from the WWE, please get in some fucking shape and work on your fucking mic skills.

You are supposed to be in the best shape of your life, doing your all to look good, wrestle good, and talk good. You are the fucking champion for god’s sake. Instead you remind me of the fucking Hamburgler from MacDonalds. Sure you wrestle well, but that’s not enough. You are supposed to be professional and look your best; you are the current franchise of the company.

Imagine if Christian Bale showed up on set for the Batman movie, all fat and overweight, you would say he is unprofessional and doesn’t look the part of Batman. This is the exact problem with Samoa Joe, he does not look the part and is certainly now drawing as proven by the constant 1.1 rating that TNA draws. If I was in TNA management, this is what I would do:

1) Change the fucking ring back to four sides, bring in Paul Heyman and let him run the show. ECW back in its day was ten times more exciting with half your budget.

2) Get fucking assholes like Double J out of the writing sessions and let Paul Heyman run the show. Paul Heyman can save TNA.

It’s that simple.

For all you fucking TNA marks out there right now hating me, realize this. TNA is a fucking business, and they are not making money, that Panda group that is financing TNA will one day stop the thing before it bleeds dry. Some of you fucking morons may enjoy TNA because you think it’s different from the WWE and that it relies less on storylines and relies more on wrestling. I won’t even argue this bit, but understand this fact. WWE makes a profit and TNA does not.

If TNA does not turn itself around within two years time they will go out of business. I want TNA to succeed don’t get me wrong, I want TNA to give WWE a run for it’s money, bring back wrestling to when it was at it’s height during the Monday Night Wars. But unless TNA picks itself up from it’s ass, they are going down and fast.

Olympic Rant:

As everybody knows the Olympics is coming up, I don’t know about you, but the only event that I’ll be watching is the free style gymnastics for men, see I love to see guys balls hang out in a tight pair of gay stretchy pants. But seriously, all joking aside, I love men who are flexible enough to suck and kiss their own dicks.

What’s my beef on the Olympics? Well basically the event is boring as hell, it’s like a whole full month of watching Bobby Lashley or Mark Henry matches only. Ughh. I don’t know what’s so special about the Olympics anyway, I hear the Olympics and I think of sports that know one would pay to see. You know your 100 meter dash; you water polo, track, and long distance running?

Shit I don’t get it. The Olympics is a mosh pit of sports that no one cares about. Does anybody remember who won the female free style swimming Gold medal at the last Olympics? Exactly.

By the way I’m Chinese, but I’m not happy at all. China spent 40 billion for the Olympics, 40 fucking billion. Why don’t they take some of that money and help the people who are still trying to recover from the massive Sichuan earthquake. Victims who lost their families and homes. Instead, the Chinese pumps all it’s time and energy on the fucking Olympics. The fucking stadiums will be left empty and useless once the Olympics ends anyway, mark my words.

The Olympics should be shunned.

That’s it for my first and hopefully not last posting on the main page. I want to thank two talented columnists who have heavily influenced and helped me out when I just wanted to stop writing: aisce and Uncle Joe.

But in case I never make it back, you can find my stuff in the LOP Forums in the Columns section. I post roughly once every 8 to 10 days.

I wanna thank the people who voted for me and got me here. My style is not really special or spectacular; I just had a good rant on Brooke Hogan which basically got me here on the main page. So thanks Brooke, you dumb cunt. Err… But I’m getting of my point. My point is, there are tons of columnists who are better than me in the LOP Forums like Anonymous or manwiththeplan just to name two. So go check it out when you wanna read wrestling. Thanks for reading and please leave feedback to dilnaylomo@yahoo.co.uk if you wanna praise me or diss me.

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