Hustle Is Posting Right Now: Volume 18 (“Lost In Translation” Edition)

Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc

“I’m the meanest.. and I mean this.. I don’t mean this to sound fiendish, but I’m a genius..”

L-L-L-L-L-L-Lupe The Killa with the intro line this time out. I may not be a genius, but I’m trying my gosh darnedest to give my readers something different to read, or at least an old idea with a different twist to it. There’s nothing wrong with review columns, preview columns, and things of that nature. Nothing whatsoever. However, there are already people here on the main page of Lords Of Pain that do columns like that (and do it well), and I don’t want to step on their toes. Anyway, you’ve clicked the link, so you should already know it, but for those of you who aren’t quite hip to the game yet, this is “Hustle Is Posting Right Now” that you’re reading. That, of course, would make me the man who has got these niggaz mad cause I’m shinin like a light be.. the man who has an attitude like “fuck it” cause muthafuckaz love it.. the man with the flow that’s opposite of handsome, it’s ugly.. I am Hustle, and I am in the building once again. Shout-out to Will Smith, but damn, the summer (summer, summer) time has just been flying by. I vividly remember 2007 winding down, and now I’m sitting here as 2008 is starting to do the same. We’re way past the halfway point in the year, and now it seems like the days are going by even quicker than usual. You know, before 2009 starts to wind down and I’m still here typing this intro, let’s get it crackin like Humpty Dumpty after he had his great fall. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!

“Kotori!”

“Kotori!”

They’re calling my name. I don’t know how to respond quite yet.

“Kotori!”

“Kotori!”

I had only been in Tokyo for a little under 24 hours, but my promotional tour was already well underway. When I was told that they were trying to get a new era of wrestling over in this country, I really didn’t think they were so serious about it. Here I was, though.. having my very own press conference. Sure, it isn’t a very big press conference, but it’s a lot more than I ever dealt with when I wrestled in America. Hell, it’s more than I ever dealt with when I was wrestling in Mexico, and at the time, I thought I was being treated like some sort of a big rock star there. I wasn’t sure of how to react to all of the attention, and a part of me even wondered if I’d be able to get through it all in the coming months. I mean, I’m not shy, by any definition of the word, but being outgoing is one thing, and having people constantly showering you in attention and complimenting you is another thing. I never was good at receiving compliments from people. Ever.

“Kotori!”

I looked over at the translator that was assigned to me, Mr Fukumoto, and nodded, allowing him to start taking questions. He peered out into the crowd, settling on someone at random, pointing at him politely. The man stood up quickly and started speaking in Japanese. When he was finished, it was translated into English for me by Mr Fukumoto.

“How are you enjoying your stay in Japan so far?”

A simple question. I was hoping for something simple, at least to start the press conference off. It’s better than being asked about quantum physics, I guess. It would’ve been a bad start to my time in the country if I had been left to look like a complete idiot in a roomful of media members of various types.

“Although I haven’t been here very long, I’ve been very impressed with Tokyo, and with Japan, as a whole. This is my first time here, but it doesn’t take long to see the beauty and the wonderful scenery, and the people have been very nice to me so far. I have absolutely no complaints.”

Mr Fukumoto translated my answer back to the reporters. I had just met the guy an hour earlier, so I didn’t know anything about him. He could’ve been telling them that I said to eat shit and die a slow, painful death. It was almost like a game to wait for him to finish translating, and then see the looks on everyone’s faces. They smiled this time. Alright, we’re off to a good start. Another question came.

“How did your journey bring you to wrestle in Japan?”

You know, I think I could deal with press conferences like this. Short, simple, to-the-point questions. Good.

“Before I answer that, I must say that I completely enjoyed my time wrestling in America, as well as in Mexico. I left on good terms, and I’m welcome back any time I would like to go. I had read some things on the internet that were untrue, and I wanted to clear that up. Now, as for why I’m in Japan and what brought me here, that’s an easy one. I treat wrestling with the respect that it deserves. It’s my art. It’s my life. I felt that Japan was the right place to be for someone who has that outlook. The wrestling fans in this country are known across the world for the respect they give the wrestlers and to the business itself. The wrestlers here in this country are known for their approach to their craft, as well as for the dedication they possess in working to perfect that craft. It’s almost as if I was born to wrestle here.”

A lot of approving looks when Mr Fukumoto finished translating. That works for me. Time began to move a bit quicker as the press conference went on, and all the “usual” questions were asked.. ones that ranged from “What do you wish to accomplish before you leave Japan?” to “Have you thought about using some of your wrestling fame to transition into doing television or movies?”, and just about everything in between. After posing for what seemed like 15,000 pictures, I was quickly ushered out of the conference room and into the lobby of the hotel that I was staying at. Did I mention that I hadn’t even been in Tokyo for 24 hours yet? Yeah? Well, did I also mention that I hadn’t even seen my hotel room yet? Yup. When I had arrived at the hotel, I had already been scheduled for a magazine photo shoot, which meant the bellboy got to take my luggage and take it to my new home for the next two-and a-half months, at which point I’d be moving into a cottage near the outskirts of town when it was finished being constructed. From the point of me handing off my bags, it was a non-stop barrage of different interviews, photo shoots, appearances, and then, of course, the press conference. It was hectic, to say the least. I hadn’t experienced anything like that in my entire life.

With my schedule finally at its end for the day, I was given a makeshift itinerary for the next day before being “allowed” to go up to my room and finally get some rest. From all of the reviews I read, this was one of the better hotels located in the heart of downtown Tokyo, which was really saying something. My room was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. The room was also much larger than it probably should’ve been, considering that I was the only one staying there. It could’ve accomodated a family of four quite easily, and it probably could’ve handled their family dog, as well. Everything was top-of-the-line, from the electronics to the bedding. I looked over the itinerary for the next day, and I sighed at the realization that my second day in Japan was going to be an even busier day than my first one was. I didn’t quite understand why I needed to take part in so many different photo shoots. How many people needed my picture, anyway? I had an interesting stay ahead of me, and if nothing else, I’d be able to fill up my MySpace photo albums when everything was all said and done, so I had that to look forward to.

———-

“Aaaaand, in this corner.. from San Francisco, California.. Elllll Coliiiiibriiiii!”

My final match before leaving to Japan. The crowd knew it, and they brought streamers to throw in the ring during my introduction. As hard as I tried to fight it, I couldn’t help but get emotional as I made my way towards the ring, slapping hands with the fans in the front row. My opponent that night was Kelly Martinez. Kelly and I knew each other well, and we’ve both gone on record as saying that we were each other’s toughest opponent. We’d had countless matches against each other. I was a face, Kelly was a heel. I was a heel, Kelly was a face. It didn’t matter, as we’d went at it, one way or another. We stared across the ring at each other before meeting in the middle, face-to-face. There were some flashbulbs going off, but for the most part, there was just a silent buzz that filled the whole arena, as the crowd awaited the match. Kelly always was a rather talkative person, and this time was no different, regardless of whether it was my final match with the company or not.

“This is it.”

“Yeah, this is it.”

“You’d better be ready, because we’re about to tear shit up.”

“I’m more ready than I’ve ever been.”

With that, the bell rang. We did, in fact, tear shit up that night. If it wasn’t the best match of my entire career, it was at least in the top five or so. I didn’t get the win that night, nor would I have expected to. It has long been wrestling tradition (for the most part) that a wrestler who is departing a company lose their final match. In some cases, the wrestler will lose a string of matches to end their time with the company, but I was lucky to just get the single loss on my way out the door. When it was all over, Kelly’s hand was raised as I was slowly making my way back to my feet. We looked at each other, and the crowd started chanting.

“Please don’t go! Please don’t go! Please don’t go!”

I became very emotional again. I didn’t want to leave. I was offered a top spot in one of the biggest and best promotions overseas as my specific type of wrestling was making its return to prominence in Japan, and since it wasn’t set to be a permanent move, I was given the blessing to leave. I stood there, and the tears began streaming down my cheeks like waterfalls. I loved the company. I loved the wrestlers there. I loved all the fans that came out to watch us each and every week. Kelly hugged me, and the crowd’s cheering and chanting just got louder. I was having a hard time thinking because of how loud it was in the arena, even though I’d end up thinking about leaving, which would only wind up making me cry even harder. Kelly raised my arm, and the fans applauded. I was given a mic, and the ring was cleared out so that I could give a “goodbye” speech.

“Wow. I honestly wasn’t expecting so much love from everyone.”

The chants began again, as if they were being cued up from somewhere.

“We-will-miss-you! *clap, clap, clap-clap-clap* We-will miss-you! *clap, clap, clap-clap-clap*”

“I’m gonna miss all of you, too. Seriously. I love each and every one of you.. even when I hated each and every one of you. Thank you for your support. Your support, not only for me, but for the rest of the folks in the locker room here, and for the pro wrestling industry, in general. Without you, there’s no me. Without you, there’s no us. I told myself that I wasn’t going to get too cheesy or give you guys the usual cliche’ stream, but here I am, doing it, anyway. Bottom line.. even though I’m leaving, it isn’t for good. I love this place way too much to never come back. Are you kidding me? I will be back, and it’ll probably be a lot sooner than most of you think. Trust me. Nothing in the world could keep me away from this place for too long. Nothing whatsoever. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I really do love you. Goodnight.”

That was truly a chilling crowd response that I got as soon as I put the mic down. I got out of the ring and went around slapping hands with the fans again as I made my way to the top of the ramp, where the rest of the roster was waiting for me for hugs and a bit of a celebration. More hugs, hand slapping, and kind words awaited me. I even got awkwardly hoisted up on the shoulders of a couple wrestlers. I wasn’t expecting to be lifted, so when I did, I just leaned forward on instinct, and they nearly dropped me. That would’ve been an amazing final memory for myself and for the fans. Cheers, adulation, applause, chanting, *thud*, unconsciousness. Needless to say, that would’ve made the DVD of the event a bit of a collector’s item. People on eBay would’ve had fun bidding on it, that’s for sure. Come to think of it, I probably would’ve put in a bid or two myself.

———-

I looked out the window at the big blur of neon-colored glow that was downtown Tokyo at 1:14am, and I just stood and soaked it all in. Even at such a late hour on a weeknight, there was still plenty of activity going on below. 41 stories below, to be exact. A part of me kinda sorta wanted to go out and join the people that were out and about, but I knew I’d never be able to make it through my next day if I did. I closed the curtains a bit and climbed into bed. The bed that felt like I was resting on a cloud, by the way. I grabbed the remote so that I could watch some TV as I dozed off, and I pushed what looked to be the Power button, based on its size and placement on the remote.

The curtains slid back open.

That, obviously, wasn’t the right button. I looked around the room to see if there were any other remotes, but the one I had was the only one I could see. I pushed the “Power” button again, and the curtains closed once more. Not knowing how to read anything in Japanese, I just randomly picked a button and pressed it.

The mattress began vibrating.

Alright, that definitely wasn’t such a bad thing at all, and I made a mental note to remember, for future reference, which button it was that I just pushed, but just how in the blue hell was I supposed to turn the TV on? I figured I’d give it one more shot, so I pushed yet another button, almost bracing myself for the surprise that was surely about to be heading my way.

I was startled right out of bed when a female voice began speaking in Japanese. I looked up and there were little speakers built in to the ceiling of the room, not unlike the ones you’d see at a restaurant or a grocery store to play music from. Obviously, I couldn’t understand a word she was saying, but it sounded as if she was asking me a question. Just then, I heard another voice. This time, it was a male, and it was in English, albeit really bad and broken English, but it was English nonetheless.

“We can help you?” Room 4115?”

“Umm.. I think I made a mistake. I didn’t mean to summon you or anything.”

He chuckled a bit before speaking again.

“You here first time?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I’m just looking to turn the television on and go to sleep. I didn’t mean to be a bother.”

“You try push button on TV?”

Gee, thanks, jackass. So, this remote could cause my bed to give me a full-body massage, draw my curtains open and then close them, give me my own concierge service, and God knows what else it could do with all the buttons that I didn’t push.. but it couldn’t turn the TV on and off? What sense did that make?

“Umm.. no. I guess I’ll try that now. Thanks.”

“Have good sleep.”

I stopped the mattress massage and just rolled over to go to sleep. I didn’t want to wind up pushing a button and having a group of circus-trained midgets pop out of the closet to give me an impromptu juggling performance, although now that I think about it, that may not have been such a bad thing. Hmm, I wonder what button that would be..

I tossed and turned in the bed for a while, unable to get any rest. I couldn’t quite understand why. I was tired. My bed was more comfortable than just about any bed I had ever experienced before. It was plenty quiet in the room. I just couldn’t get myself to sleep. I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was 2:48am, about an hour-and-a half since I first slid under the covers. I figured I’d call home, seeing as how it was in the middle of the afternoon there. I was starting to feel a bit homesick, anyway, so it only made sense to call.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hey there. What are you doing up? Isn’t it, like, 1 in the morning over there?”

“Actually, it’s just about to hit 3am here.”

“Even worse. What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

“I’m good. I just couldn’t sleep, so I figured I’d make a few calls instead of heading back out to find some trouble to get into.”

“How’s Japan so far?”

“I haven’t had a whole lot of time to actually stop and enjoy Japan just yet. Everything has been so fast-paced since I got here. This is the first time I’ve had to myself so far, and it just so happens to be in the early hours of the morning, when I need to get some sleep, yet I just can’t seem to get any.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. You know, it won’t be too much longer, and we’ll be out there to visit you, so I hope you’re able to get some free time by then.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll have some time set away for you guys by then. It isn’t gonna be the same here without you. I miss you guys.”

“I miss you, too. We all miss you.”

“What are you up to?”

“Actually, you kinda called at a weird time. I’ve got a late-lunch appointment that I was about to head out for. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not like you knew I was calling or anything. Should I just call you back later then?”

“I think you should try and get yourself some sleep, and then focus on what you’re there for. We’ll be in touch. Don’t you worry about that.”

“Tell everyone that I miss them and that I’m thinking about them. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Definitely. Take care.”

2:52am. Christ, I had hoped it would be a bit longer conversation than just a tad under four minutes. Being alone, so far away from home.. in a place where I didn’t really understand anybody, and they didn’t really understand me, either.. was a bit tougher than I thought it would be.

———-

“Are you sure you really wanna do this?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life.”

“Don’t you think you’re a little.. well.. small?”

“Of course I’m small, but I can’t let that stop me from pursuing my dream. I’d never be able to live with myself if I didn’t even give this a shot. I’ve wanted this ever since I could walk and talk, and now that I’m here, nothing is going to stop me. I’ve learned to look beyond my size, and I’d like it if everyone else could look beyond it, as well.”

“I respect your heart, kid. I’ll train you.”

With those words, my journey began. I was the smallest trainee in the entire class. I was the smallest trainee in the history of this gym, as a matter of fact. We had 18 students that came to train on the first day, almost half of which were gone by the second day. The money they paid to train wasn’t refundable, so I was a bit surprised that people didn’t give it more of an effort, no matter how difficult it was or how much pain they were in. The days went by, and we lost a few more trainees along the way. We were down to five, and that ended up being the final total for the remainder of the sessions. We grew close to each other, almost like a family. Of course, with any family, there was the good and there was the bad, but we all got through it.

In the beginning of the training, I felt like I was being patronized, in a way, as it seemed like the other trainees were being told to go easier on me because of my size. Sure, it meant that I wasn’t as tired or as sore as they were at the end of each session, but I knew it also meant that nobody was going to take me seriously as a wrestler if it continued on. I knew that if I didn’t speak up, it would only continue to get worse, so I waited for the next training session after my realization, when I was put together in the ring with one of the largest and strongest trainees there, and I said something right before it was our turn to go.

“When we get in there, if you don’t give me all you’ve got, so help me God, I’m going to stiff the shit out of you!”

My point got across, and it got across quite nicely. From that point on, I was treated as an equal, and not as some fragile, delicate being based on my size. That’s all I wanted from the very beginning, so I was ecstatic to finally get it. The level of respect that seemed to come my way grew tenfold after that incident. I guess people thought I would try to take advantage of their kindness or something. I never thought I’d be so happy to be getting my ass beaten on a regular basis.

———-

Riding around in the backseat of the takushii (taxi) the next day, I got to see more of the city life that was so beautiful. One of the highlights was going past Ueno Koen park to view the cherry blossoms. It was that time of the year, and they were on full display. I had wanted to see the cherry blossoms in person ever since I them on TV as a child. I’m sorry, but simple things like that impress me. I’m just someone who appreciates beauty, even in things that a lot of people wouldn’t necessarily find themselves thinking about. We were heading to a photo shoot involving me and my opponent for my first match in Japan. The funny thing about it is the fact that, as we were driving to the magazine’s offices, I still had absolutely no idea who my opponent was going to be. I didn’t have a name, any tape to study, or anything like that. I didn’t know if that’s how things normally worked in Japan, but it was just a tad bit strange to me.

We arrived at what looked to be an oversized outhouse, and we stopped. The driver did the hand signal for “here we are”, and I just stared at the run-down building in amazement. It didn’t even look like it should be standing anymore, let alone operate as the headquarters for one of the biggest sporting magazines in all of Japan. Mr Fukumoto paid the fare, and we made our way into the building.

I had to fight myself to stifle laughter once I saw the setup for the photo shoot. I’d already known that the Japanese imagination was a magnificent, and sometimes strange, thing, but this was something else altogether. The stage was set like something straight out of the movie “300″, and judging by the person I had just seen walking by dressed as Xerxes, the God-King, I assumed I had just seen my upcoming opponent. I guess that meant I was set to be dressing up as King Leonidas, and sure enough, I was right. I knew they wanted to get us across as “warriors” of sorts, but my goodness, this was taking things much further than I would’ve ever expected.

The site of me in my slightly-altered Leonidas outfit looked absolutely ridiculous. I mean, I looked great. I always looked great. I knew that. I mean, have you seen me? However, this particular outfit made it nearly impossible for me not to laugh a bit when I looked in the mirror. We were given various props to use, ranging from plastic shields to brass swords, which made the entire thing just that much more comical. Face-to-face with my opponent, we posed for a large amount of photos, and I was pretty numb to the entire thing. I just did as Mr Fukumoto asked me to do, as per his instructions from the photographer and the director of the shoot. I think that Mr Fukumoto could sense my doubts about the entire thing, as every time he looked at me to give me my directions, he had a look on his face as if he were apologizing to me for the entire situation on behalf of his country. When it was all said and done, I changed back into my regular clothes quicker than I even thought was physically possible. I knew I had an hour or two to kill before there was anything else scheduled in my day, so I knew exactly where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. Ueno Koen had itself a repeat visitor on that day.

———-

“I just don’t think it’s a very good idea, that’s all.”

“Why not?? This is what I’ve always wanted to do. You knew that when you met me, and you always said that you didn’t have a problem with it, but now that I’m trying to make it all happen for me, you’re against it??”

“I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I don’t exactly want myself getting hurt, either, you know.”

I didn’t understand why people were having such a big problem with my decisions. They didn’t seem to realize that their negative thinking and energy was only going to make things even more difficult on me, which was, supposedly, what they were trying to prevent. There was so much to be proud of me for.. to be happy about.. and yet everyone seemed to want to focus on the negatives. I hate it when people do that.

“I love you, and I do support the decisions you make, regardless of how it seems sometimes, but you have to be able to see this from my point-of-view this time.”

“I love you, too, and I do see things from your point of view, but I also think that it’s sort of a two-way street. You need to see things from my point-of-view. Just support me and be happy for me. That’s all I can ask of you. That’s all I’ve ever asked of you.”

“Fine. Whatever you want. I stand behind you.”

“I didn’t call to fight with you, or for you to give me an attitude.”

“I’m not giving you an attitude. I just don’t know what you want from me. You know that I’m going to support you in your decision making, even if I’m not completely sold on the ideas that you’re following. This just happens to be one of those times. You’re asking me to just change my outlook on things, like it’s that simple or something.”

“That’s not it at all! I’m just saying that-”

“You know what? This isn’t going anywhere, and it’s only going to lead to us fighting. Call me later, when things have cooled down a bit.”

Not only was I interrupted while I was talking, but I was hung up on, as well. It felt like I was being pushed and pulled in all different directions by different people. It made me start to wonder just who really supported me, and who was only saying that they did because they thought its what I wanted to hear. Before I even saved up enough money to think about training to become a wrestler, I knew that I had people in my life who were against the idea. Family members, friends, co-workers, classmates. It was always the same shit, too. They all wondered if I was too small to make it. Some of them were even caught off-guard a bit, as they didn’t even know I was a wrestling fan, let alone a big enough fan that I wanted to be a wrestler myself.

———-

It was the night of my debut match in Japan, and as the saying goes, I had butterflies in my stomach the size of eagles. I was pacing around in the locker room, and my heart must’ve been beating 20 times per second. One of my biggest concerns was the fact that “calling a match” wasn’t anywhere near as big in Japan as it was elsewhere. A lot of matches were “called” pretty much on the fly. That was a problem, seeing as how I didn’t understand, nor speak, a bit of Japanese. From what little research I had done, there weren’t many people in this company that understood or spoke English, and the ones that did weren’t set to be in the ring with me any time soon. The company’s promoter, Mr Hayashi, saw me pacing and walked over to me.

“What wrong? You no need nervous.”

Great. More broken English.

“I just want to make sure that I go out there and make everyone happy.”

“Work on make self happy first. You happy, people happy for you.”

Wait.. was his name Mr Hayashi or Mr Miyagi? That was deep.

“You’re right. Thank you.”

With that, he was on his way. My opponent that night was Shark Ishikawa. Shark wasn’t one of the top names in the company, but was still a respected veteran. I knew we were going to be the second match of the night, so there wasn’t much time to do much thinking, as the show was starting, and we’d be up before I knew it. Several of us were gathered around a monitor as we watched the night’s opening match. Once the final sequence was over, I went off to the side to stretch and get myself into the proper mood for my match. After about 10 minutes, Shark’s music hit, and I knew it was time to really get myself into the “zone”. Once Shark was in the ring, my music hit. It was some generic-sounding rock music that I knew I’d be asking to get changed as soon as possible. Of course, I couldn’t understand damn near anything the ring announcer was saying, but I knew my cue to walk out was when he said “Koooootooooorrrrriiiii!”, so I listened closely for it and followed my cue. The crowd reaction was subdued, but respectful, just as I expected it would be. That’s generally how the fans in Japan are, which can sometimes be jarring for wrestlers coming from countries that have wild and crazy fans. I got the streamer treatment when I got into the ring, which did surprise me a bit, as I figured I would have to win them over a bit more before something like that took place.

As the match itself got underway, my previous worries were proven to be for good reason. I was whipped into the ropes, and as I was coming back towards Shark, I thought I noticed the sign to do a leapfrog and to continue running, but at the exact moment that I jumped, Shark did, as well, and we crashed into each other rather hard. There was some quiet laughter from some in the crowd, but not from Shark. Oh, no, not from Shark. In fact, Shark looked pissed and ready to tear my head from my shoulders. There were a few more brief moments of miscommunication between Shark and I after that, but nothing anywhere near like that first one. All things considered, I’d say the match went pretty well. I was honored to be given a victory over a respected veteran in my debut match, and it may have even surprised some of the fans in attendance. My hand was raised, and I looked into the crowd and saw more than a few people applauding in a half-hearted way. Don’t get me wrong, though, as there were still plenty of people who seemed genuinely happy that I won. I knew I would have plenty of opportunities to try and win everyone over in the coming months, so I wasn’t all that worried about the people in attendance who had any sort of doubts about me. It’s not like I hadn’t been dealing with doubters for years up until that point, anyway.

———-

“You’re quick. Almost too quick for your opponents. It’s almost as if you’re just hovering all around them, quick-striking, and moving around before they can get you back. It’s fun as hell to watch, I’ll tell you that much. In fact, it’s so fun that I want to use it for your name while you wrestle here.”

“What are you going to call me?”

“El Colibri.”

I was basically “The Hummingbird” now, which was fine, as I liked the way that my wrestling style was described to me. Besides, “El Colibri” sounded much better, in my opinion, than “Pajaro Mosca” did, which was another name for “hummingbird” in the Caribbean. At first, the idea for my ring attire would be to have “wings” built into my costume, but I politely shot that idea down. I knew that Lucha Libre was known for its colorful attire, fancy costumes, and over-the-top ideas as much as it was known for the wrestling itself, but I just wasn’t all that thrilled with the idea of flapping my arms up and down on my way to the ring every single time out. Apparently, though, they really wanted to go with the idea in one way or another, as they stitched wing shapes onto my outfit. They gave me a mask to use, as well. I don’t think I would’ve felt right wrestling in Mexico if I didn’t have some sort of mask.

I didn’t wrestle in Mexico for very long, but I made the most of my brief time in the country, wrestling for four different titles in two different promotions, winning one of them. I was also a bit of a trailblazer, as I was the only non-Mexican to wrestle in my divisions, although I do have roots in El Salvador, so it’s not like I was a complete polar opposite of the people in Mexico or anything. Of course, I was billed as being from America, not El Salvador, so it isn’t quite the same, but the point remains the same.

———-

I was on magazine covers. I was making appearances on various television shows, from talk shows to variety shows. I even had a song written about me that charted as high as #4 in the entire country of Japan. My popularity had reached levels that I couldn’t have even imagined in my wildest dreams. I wasn’t a legend or a godly figure or anything, but far more popular than anybody in my situation had ever been in Japan before.

It had reached such a point that I was offered a contract that would have had me relocate to Japan on a permanent basis. On one hand, I missed America. I missed it a lot. I missed the food. Sure, you could go to a McDonald’s or Burger King or Pizza Hut, amongst the other American restaurants in Japan, but it just wasn’t quite the same. I missed the ability to fully communicate with people, even though my Japanese was improving, both in reading and speaking. On the other hand, I was being offered far more money than I’d be able to make wrestling in America, and that’s not even counting the endorsement deals and things of that nature that would only be available to me in a market like Japan. I could also wrestle less dates on a yearly basis to make that money for myself, which was also nice. It actually got to the point where there was a bit of a bidding war going on for my services. It wasn’t like it was when WCW would battle the WWF for free agents, and the contract numbers would reach insane levels, but it still felt good in a selfish way to have companies from multiple countries that thought highly enough of my work to try and outbid each other for me.

In the end, the idea of wrestling in front of my friends and family was just too much for me to pass up. Sure, it was a paycut, but thanks to the escalating bids from both sides, it wasn’t anywhere near as big of a paycut as it would’ve been had I chosen to return to America from the very beginning of the contract talks. I return to America in a few days, and my first match back in the states will be exactly one week after I arrive. I’ve already been notified that I’m getting semi-main event status for my return match, and I even have my very first DVD shoot interview set to be filmed the day after my match. In one of the stranger bits of cross-promotion, I was even chosen to co-host one of DJ Drama’s popular “Gangsta Grillz” mixtapes. It was one of his first Bay Area tapes, as he usually sticks with rappers from the south, but he was going with San Francisco and Oakland-based rappers Ya Boy, Mistah F.A.B. and Keak Da Sneak to co-host. I wasn’t going to turn down a new avenue to attract fans, but it still caught me a bit off-guard that I was asked to co-host a hip-hop mixtape, even with my Bay Area roots. I got all of this press and marketing opportunities only a short time after basically being told that I was too small to ever amount to anything in this business.

Not bad for a women’s wrestler, wouldn’t you say?

Thank you to the following for helping me create ideas for this column:

- “Lost In Translation”, starring Bill Murray & Scarlett Johannson
- My Partner-In-Crime, the one with my BFF bracelet
- Feeling “lost in translation” in life
- Wanting to be elsewhere
- Being different

Thank you to the following for getting me through this column:

- My Partner-In-Crime, the one with my BFF bracelet
- Lemonade flavored Gatorade
- 112′s self-titled debut album
- “Everything” by Lifehouse
- Layla El

Writer’s Note: Thank you. Thank you for being who you are, in good times and also in bad times. I know I say and do things from time-to-time that make things difficult, and for that, I do apologize. I just can’t help myself from wylin’ out every now and then, I suppose. There are times when I don’t deserve for you to be a part of my life, I know that, but whenever I look, there you are, and I’m forever thankful to you for that. I’m sorry for putting you through some of the things that I put you through, and you’re still everything I said you are in the previous two sections. Know that nothing will ever change that, no matter how many fights, how many arguments, or how many disagreements we go through. I do understand that you’re going through a bunch of things in your life right now, and that you really don’t need my baggage at the moment, so I’m respecting that. Either way, though, know that I care. Know that I still have your bracelet. Know that I miss you. Know that I always have your back. Thank you again. You know who you are.

Writer’s Note Part Deux: Thank you. Thank you for listening when I needed someone to talk to. Thank you for the advice whenever it was required, and even when it wasn’t. Thanks for also not making fun of me through certain things, at least not to my face, even though I’m sure I deserved it. I made fun of myself for it, so I know damn well I deserved it from other people. As I said in the last note, I know that I tend to be on the wild side from time to time, and I appreciate it when anybody sticks with me through those times. Thank you again. It really does mean a lot to me. You know who you are.

Writer’s Note Part Tres: To my lil homie, Mavsman.. this is to broadcast the fact that you get those two free shots at any of my favorite sports teams in whatever sport you choose. Could be the San Francisco 49ers, Los Angeles Lakers, Miami Hurricanes football, Hawaii Warriors football, or the Cleveland Indians. To sweeten the deal for you, I’ll even extend the offer to particular players instead of entire teams, if that’s the direction you wish to go in. Colt Brennan, maybe? Whatever’s clever, Trevor.

Writer’s Note Part Quattro: “What is that? Who is that? I never heard of it.. I will take your picture and make a “Rest In Peace” shirt of it..” There’s a few of you cats out there that are just begging to be put on a “Rest In Peace” shirt. Some of you Harvey Dent clowns out there have decided you’d like to try and be Two-Face. I have something real special planned for you guys, though, so don’t worry. I’m giving you some time to come clean and to try and repent for your sins, but once your deadline expires, I’ll be putting you on blast. Don’t test me. I’ll make sure I change your life.

Well, damn, that one was different, wasn’t it? It was birthed as an idea in my head, and it was different then, but now that I’ve formulated all my flows and had those ideas typed out, the entire thing was far more “different” than I could’ve ever thought it would be. I hope it wasn’t too “out there” for some of you. One way or another, at least you gotta admit that it was more than just “Why I Like John Cena”.. wait.. I did that one, too, didn’t I? Well, you all get the point that I’m trying to make. Anyway, if you’re reading this, thank you for riding with me on another edition of HIPRN. We just keep on rockin and rollin, ladies and gentlemen. Before you know it, there’ll be some pretty big numbers following the word “Volume” in the column title. Calvin, hope your check-signing hand is ready to go, cause I’m fixin to earn them paychecks. That next check will be earned in 1 weeks time.. same Hustle time, same Hustle page. Until then, however, I’m gone like the Autobahn, nah’mean? From Paradise, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa.

“Life can change ya directions, even when you ain’t planned it.. all you can do is handle it.. worst thing you can do is panic.. use it to your advantage.. avoid insanity.. manage to conquer every obstacle.. make impossible possible.. even when winning’s illogical, losing’s still far from optional..”

Hustle
HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com
 

 

THE SUPERBOOK!–CHAPTER 4: IDOLATRY

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1 Samuel 2:2 

“There is no one holy like the LORD. There is no one but you, O LORD. There is no Rock like our God…”

 

THE SUPERBOOK!–CHAPTER 4: 

IDOLATRY

Once upon a time, millions and millions of wrestling fans openly worshipped a false God.

In Hinduism, Brahma is the God of creation. Along with Vishnu the preserver, and Shiva the destroyer, these three Gods make up the Trimurti, or “Hindu Trinity.”

However, while Vishnu and Shiva are worshipped, Brahma is not. According to Hindu mythology, Brahma is a cursed God, forbidden to be worshipped.

There are many stories that explain why Brahma is cursed. The most popular reason being Brahma’s unguarded granting of boons, or blessings, to demons. All of the deadly demons in Hinduism attained their boons from Brahma which enabled them to damage the noble virtues of the world. Thus, Brahma was deemed the sole God of worship for demons.

Another reason why Brahma is prohibited from being worshipped on Earth is because of his ego. Brahma is viewed as being responsible for distracting the mind away from the soul and towards the cravings of the flesh.

 

In order to create the human race, Brahma created a Goddess out of himself and named her Gayatri. Brahma immediately fell in love with Gayatri’s extraordinary beauty, and was unable to remove his gaze off her. She would move in different directions to avoid his stare, but wherever she went Brahma developed a head on each side to maintain his lustful leering of Gayatri, which is why he’s depicted as having 4 heads.

Brahma’s obsession of Gayatri, his own creation in his own image, was motivated by desire which confined consciousness and excited the ego. In essence he became gay for his own image, which is where the term “gay” comes from.

Also, Shiva felt that since Brahma created Gayatri, she was his daughter and therefore it was wrong for Brahma to become infatuated with her. Thus, Shiva deemed Brahma unholy and ordered that there be no worship of Brahma on earth.

As a result, there is only one temple on earth dedicated to Brahma as opposed to the thousands for Vishnu and Shiva.

However, during the Attitude Era in WWF, sports arena’s also became temples in which Brahma was unknowingly worshipped by millions and millions of wrestling fans.

Idolatry is the religious worship of idols, which are images of Gods made into physical objects in place of a monotheistic God. Hindus worship through images in which the Divine Spirit is expressed. The image serves as a link between the worshipper and the God as the image is often considered a manifestation of the God. Worshippers call the presence of the God into the image so that they can communicate with him and receive his blessings.

 

The Brahma Bull is a sacred cow in Hinduism named after the Hindu God Brahma who became a cursed God. The image of the Brahma Bull was worshipped by wrestling audiences the same way all Gods are worshipped in polytheistic religions.

 

By worshipping images of Gods made into idols out of stone…or rock.

 

With the image of the Brahma Bull on ‘The Rock’ it is plain to see that The Rock was actually an idol of Brahma, a cursed God forbidden to be worshipped.

 

The Rock Says!…

Devout Hindus bow before idols in temples and even speak to them as if talking to an individual. Of course, these idols are merely stone sculptures which are unable to respond. But it is believed that if there is enough devotion in the heart of the devotee, the God gives a direct response.

 

The most electrifying!…

 

Worshipping Hindu’s will bathe an idol, offer it food, and adorn it with flowers among other things to maintain the idol’s power. The nature of the deity’s power is said to be electric, meaning the idol can produce an electrical current that can be felt by the worshipper when worshipping strongly enough.

 

Since ancient times, It has been believed that the wearer of an image channels the spirit of the image. For example, a man would tattoo the image of a tiger on himself and he would begin to take on the ferocity of a tiger. Likewise, with the image of the Brahma Bull tattooed on him, Dwayne Johnson actually channeled the spirit of Brahma.

 

Upon making his entrance, the Rock would look left and gaze longingly before quickly changing directions and looking to his right, again holding his stare in a forced and deliberate motion, channeling Brahma and mimicking his 4 heads that sprang up to keep his eyes on Gayatri.

As Brahma was channeled through Dwayne Johnson, he proceeded to trick wrestling fans into worshipping him. Hindu’s worship idols by engaging in chanting. The Rock would frequently goad wrestling fans into chanting his name.

“With the millions….and millions of The Rock’s fans chanting his name…” 

Routinely, unsuspecting fans would then proceed to chant “Ro-cky, Ro-cky!” Though seemingly insignificant, by having the fans engage in chanting, wrestling audiences were actually duped into false God worship directed to them under Brahma’s command.

 

The Devil knows you would never willingly worship a false God, so he has to deceive you into it by manipulating your conscience. Shockingly, while the millions…and millions of wrestling fans praised Dwayne Johnson for his electrifying performances, they also inadvertently worshipped Brahma.

 

The raising of one eyebrow was one of The Rock’s biggest trademarks. But before this quirk became synonymous with him, it was always used by villainous characters to signify sinister intent.

Did you smell what The Rock was cooking?

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Epilogue 

God introduced wrestling to the world when He sent an Angel to wrestle Jacob to gain his salvation. However, through demonic interception, Satan exploited the virtues of wrestling in an attempt to achieve his master plan of sending millions and millions of wrestling fans to Hell with him. Therefore, dear wrestling fans, be wise as serpents as you go out into the arena, lest you be deceived. Amen.

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…………………………………………………….NOC!
SUPERFANLOP@GMAIL.COM

THE SUPERBOOK!–CHAPTER 3: ANTICHRIST SUPERSTAR

 

 

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Matthew 24:10-12

10 “And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. 11 And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. 12 And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold…

 

THE SUPERBOOK!–CHAPTER 3:
ANTICHRIST SUPERSTAR

Once upon a time, millions and millions of wrestling fans openly worshipped the Devil.

The last great boom period in wrestling was called “The Attitude Era,” but a more apt name would be the “Satanic Era.” What was once a family show became a vile, perverse, unGodly showcase bent on sending the whole family to Hell. Right before the audience’s very eyes, Satan raised up the Antichrist Superstar…

 

THE FALSE PROPHET!…

 

In 1996, Jake “The Snake” Roberts made a shocking return to WWF. But it wasn’t the same evil Snakeman. This was a new man. A born again Christian. Prior to this, Roberts was a known Satanist, naming his two snakes Damien and Lucifer. Now, as a supposed new man of faith, he named his new snake “Revelations.” But the holy moniker bestowed upon the snake wasn’t tribute, it was blasphemy! The snake represents Satan from the Garden of Eden. With the snake named “Revelations,” and thumping the Bible, Jake The Snake Roberts was the false prophet used to put over the coming Antichrist Superstar.

 

John 3:16 

16“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

John 3:16 is regarded as the most popular verse in the Bible. This all encompassing “Bible in a nutshell” quote summarizes the central theme of Christianity.

 

During the great tribulation period in wrestling, arose a beast speaking great things and blasphemies.

“You sit there and you thump your bible and you say your prayers, and it didn’t get you anywhere. Talk about your Psalms, talk about John 3:16… Austin 3:16 says: ‘I just whipped your ass’!!” 

—Stone Cold Steve Austin, King Of The Ring 1996 Coronation.

Austin 3:16 wasn’t an off-the-cuff random quip, it was a carefully chosen, demonically inspired blasphemous catchphrase. The Attitude Era began with that Satanic proclamation.

Psalm 12:8 

8 “The wicked walk on every side, when the vilest men are exalted.”

Stone Cold Steve Austin led the Attitude Era, giving way to a new generation of immorality. Wrestlers by the droves followed suit and began glorifying sinful behavior. Old heels became new faces, as Degeneration X, Val Venis, The Godfather, and others were now the new heroes. WWF began turning towards a more edgier, adult oriented product. Unprecedented for a form of entertainment that was previously built around the family audience.

Though entertainment as a whole was increasingly shifting towards a more raunchier style with the popularity of shows like Jerry Springer, Howard Stern, and of course the smash-mouth wrestling product of one ECW, outright Satanism was at the forefront of WWF programming.

Wrestling’s newest icon broke tradition by becoming incredibly over with the audience despite his character being a heel. The audience in their hearts made him a face.

 

REBEL WITH A CAUSE!…

As a truck driving, beer drinking, bird flipping, blue collar redneck outlaw, Austin struck a cord with wrestling audiences who vicariously released their aggression through his performances. However, another tweak to his character was his unnecessary brazen antichristian rhetoric. With Austin 3:16, the outlaw Stone Cold rebelled against the highest authority. But it wouldn’t be the only time, as his hate filled speech would also target Christians.

 

“You want mercy? Take your ass to church!”

“I’m here to drink beer and raise hell!”

“Stone Cold’s time has come and in the dark or in the light you’re looking at the next WWF champion whether anyone likes it or not…”

Revelation 13:3

3 “And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast…”

DEADLY WOUND!…

In Scripture, The Antichrist is prophesized as having a deadly wound that is healed. This refers to a hindrance that momentarily stops the Antichrist from proceeding, but the deadly wound later becomes healed by Satan and the hindrance is eventually taken out of the way.

While Stone Cold’s antichristian stance was an underlying theme to his character, it was easily overlooked in favor of his otherwise entertaining outlaw rebel routine. Amidst all of this rebellion, WWF fans suspended their belief and followed Stone Cold, unknowingly bearing witness to a Satanic ritual…

Revelation 13: 6-7
6 “And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven. 7 And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them…”

In 1990, Hulk Hogan covertly became a false Christ by clandestinely reenacting The Crucifixion and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. During the Attitude Era, Stone Cold Steve Austin would overtly reenact the same biblical events, substituting himself in place of Jesus Christ.

In storyline, Austin had to defeat the Undertaker in a Buried Alive match in order to qualify for the Royal Rumble match to get to Wrestlemania. A week before the match, as build up, Undertaker tied Austin to his symbol and raised him up.

“They crucified Austin!” —Jim Ross

The next show was Rock Bottom 1998, Stone Cold Vs. The Undertaker in a Buried Alive match. Austin won the match by indeed burying Undertaker in the makeshift grave.

The events that unfolded were part of a satanic ritual that symbolically reversed the Bible accordingly.

After Jesus Christ was crucified, during his ascension there was an earthquake that split the earth, opening the tombs of saints and they came back to life and went into the town as proof of Christ’s promise of eternal life. The match even included an explosion, followed by Kane coming out of the grave. In the Bible, Cain commits the first murder on his brother, Abel. So we have the evil brother come out of the grave and put the saint back in the grave and bury him under the direction of the Antichrist.

The match was specifically orchestrated to precisely reverse the Bible’s story.

Another Satanic ritual involved Owen Hart in 1998. The WWF unveiled a biblical structure, The Lion’s Den.

Owen Hart participated in the first and only Lion’s Den match. While the match was supposedly a play on Ken Shamrock’s Mixed Martial Arts style, there is no such contraption in MMA. However, the Lion’s Den is in the Bible.

The story of Daniel includes him being put in a lion’s den full of hungry beasts. He was put inside of it by sinful haters because of his faith. But through the grace of God, not a single lion touched him.

For every natural action there is a spiritual consequence.

Satanic rituals are a big part of practicing Satanism, done in an effort to conjure up demonic spirits and invoke Satan. The problem with practicing satanic rituals is that death always follows.

Romans 12:1-2

1 “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

Since God demands you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice and since the Devil always does the opposite of God, The Devil always demands a dead sacrifice.

Which is why In Hollywood, every time horror is depicted in a movie, somebody in the movie or related to somebody in the movie has to die because the Devil was glorified. Freak accidents, bizarre deaths have been well documented as occurring on movie sets such as the Exorcist and The Poltergeist as well as many others, because Satan was given glory.

The Devil knows you’re not going to just simply worship him if asked. He knows you would never soberly engage in blasphemy against God, so he has to trick you into doing so. He’s not going to force you to take the mark, he’s going to cause you to take the mark, meaning he’s going to trick you into worshipping him.

So he raises up an Antichrist Superstar for fans to follow.

Stone Cold Steve Austin was wrestling’s biggest star surpassing Hulk Hogan’s popularity. Unlike the wholesome Hulkster, Steve Austin was a different role model. With his rebellious outlaw persona he was dubbed The Antihero of wrestling. But upon closer examination it is clear that he was in fact the Antichrist of wrestling. The legacy of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

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SUPERFANLOP@GMAIL.COM

July Column Of The Month – The MadRanter by MadChuck

Each month in the Columns Forum at the LOP Forums, a vote is held to determine which column series is the best during that month. For the month of July, the winner was MadChuck, who will be posting his work on his specialty, aptly named “The MadRanter”. Warning: If you’re easily offended by some people’s writing, then if you read this, you’ll be… easily offended, I guess. You’ve been warned.

Make sure you read this and tell MadChuck what you think about it, sending him feedback by emailing him at dilnaylomo@yahoo.co.uk. I’m sure he’ll get a lot of interesting feedback. Enjoy, everyone.

The MadRanter: JR is a Fat Smelly Bastard + other Rants

This is a grand occasion for those of you who have never had the chance to read one of my columns. I hold nothing back, I praise those who ought to be praised and I fuck those who ought to be fucked. I don’t limit myself to wrestling issues only, if something big in the “Real World” catches my interest I’ll talk about it. My biggest accomplishment in life so far has been my successful campaign in outing the talent less piece of ghetto trash named Bobby Lashley. I ain’t racist, I love Big Daddy V. But enough with the intro. Let’s go.

A True Real Life Hero

I want to start this column rolling on a good note, so I have decided to remind everybody of a true hero in the world of professional wrestling. No this man did not sellout PPV’s, and no this man wasn’t what you would call an upper tier star. The man that I am talking about had talent, no doubt, but he would be labeled a worker, a work horse in this business. His name is Perry Saturn.

I don’t know how many people know this about the man, but Perry once heroically stopped and saved a girl from rape. Not in some wrestling angle, but a real life rape. Because of this act of heroism, Perry was sadly shot in the neck by the rapist. The gunshot wound that he sustained is the reason why he isn’t able to work in the ring anymore.

Perry’s heroic act was never much publicized by anybody. Perry never got any awards or much less press from this. But I for one am proud of this guy as a human being. I must admit that I wasn’t a huge fan of Perry’s work when he was in the WWE. But for your selfless act of true heroism I salute you Perry Saturn.

If anybody out there thinks that what the man did is simple and not heroic than you are dead wrong. It’s real simple to be in the comfort of your own home or office and think that you are going to do something heroic to save someone you never met in your life. It takes guts, and it takes a good heart. Perry you have my respect and I wish that all is well with you.

My Rant on Good Ole JR:

JR I want to say that you are without a doubt, one of the biggest fattest and smelliest geeks in the industry. Every single damn time I think back on how you holler: “Stone Cold, Stone Cold, Stone Cold” makes me sick.

You JR are without a doubt the biggest Steve Austin Nerd Mark in the universe. I don’t know if it’s your hat or what, but you really remind ot that geek in school who gets picked on everyday at school and vomits milk after a beating. But I will not take away from you the fact that you are a great announcer, the best one in the WWE at the moment. Albeit a fat, nerdy, geeky one.

I have a beef with you though, and that’s your kiss ass comments on Mike Adamle. You had the gall to say that we the fans are not giving Adamle a chance to grow in the role of GM. Well you fat barbeque eating cow, why should we?

What the fuck has Adamle done to deserve a shot at being Raw GM.? I don’t want to give a chance to Adamle to succeed. The guy knows shit about wrestling. He is in here because he is a buddy of some NBC exec. The guy has paid no dues to get here. You fat cowboy wearing nerd.

I understand that you have to say good shit about Adamle because you are basically a puppet of the E, but I still hate you for it. You fat fucking bastard. If Taz for example was named as the Raw GM and people were shitting him, I’d understand your comments of giving the guy a chance. But this is Mike Fucking Adamle. Who the flying fuck is he? Common fans like me do not give a damn about who the fuck he knows in the corporate world. We just want to be entertained. He is just an uninteresting guy who can’t even call a match or a wrestlers name right.

If he could be Raw GM, then why not have Zeke from Saved by the Bell do it. Or why not just have some unknown actor do it. Suck my fucking nuts JR; you are nothing but a McMahon crony. Whatever so called “legitimacy” you had is out the fucking window. I’m glad you are on Smackdown now simply because you don’t like it. Do you dislike it because it messes up your Friday night routine of going to Sizzlers for a $4 buffet?

Hey JR take that ninth ham and egg sandwich you are having for breakfast out of your mouth, put it between your butt cheeks, rub it in and then stuff it in your shit spewing mouth. You motherfucker you.

You may or may not read this, and you may or may not respond to this, but I for one know that I couldn’t believe half the shit that you spew from your BBQ smelling blog.

Shawn Michaels Angles Rant:

I for one am sick and fucking tired of all the hurt angles that HBK gets into. Hello fucking morons. HBK will not retire. Believe me people, the fucking guy is just resting and getting some time off.

I cannot believe the shit that I hear, people getting sentimental and shit about HBK. Fuck you marks, grow the fuck up. He will return and wrestle and beat Chris Jericho. This is exactly the Rocky II formula, remember? Rocky’s right eye was supposedly injured and couldn’t see from his right side anymore? But he still comes back to beat his African American opponent in the end.

This is just a fucking angle, people. No need to get teary eyed. This is a way to just stall for time and build interest for HBK eventual return. I don’t have any problem with HBK, I like him. I don’t have any problem with the angle too, I think it’s good. I just can’t believe that some people may think that HBK will really retire; to the point where certain wrestling radio shows actually debate this as real industry news. For fucks sake.

Mick Foley and Edge Promo

If you missed the Cutting Edge segment with special guest Mick Foley promo on Smackdown, you MUST watch it. I don’t care what you do, download it or Youtube it. It’s that fucking good.

Mick Foley cut one of the best promos of all time. The salvation of Edge’s soul if you ask me. Amazing. Edge did an amazing job setting up the interview and selling the impact of Mick’s words too. Mick Foley showed that he is still one of the best on the mic bar none.

Mick should give oratory lessons. Guys like CM Punk, Jeff Hardy and Shelton Benjamin should watch every old Cactus Jack/Mankind/Mick Foley promo’s and LEARN. Mick’s promo came off as sincere, sinister and heartfelt. His words had meaning and feeling. This from a guy who is overweight, not handsome and retired from the ring to boot.

Come back and wrestle Mick, you are still better to watch than half of the younger (as fat fuck JR would call) “studs” in the business.

JBL for WWE Champion

I have been a fan of JBL ever since his heel turn. I thought he was okay when he was in the APA, but he truly shined when he became the bully with the money. This guy is pure heel genius people. He is a wrestling treasure. I am sick of tweeners who try to emulate Stone Cold and go for that middle of the road do what’s best for oneself thing. If you are a heel, than play the fucking heel.

Edge is another fine heel that should be treasured too. JBL is hated for being a bully in the locker room and shit like that. As if I give a fuck. What matters is that the guy is mic gold and he is a down and out brawler. This guy is a throw back heel demonstrating what a heel truly should be. I can guarantee that this guy won’t complain if he never had a chance to have a face run again.

The guy is rich, is wrestling with a bad back. What more do you want from the guy? As for CM Punk, well I don’t know if you have noticed it yet, but the guy has zero charisma on the mic, putting the belt on him now is a bad decision, what Punk has to do is to have a good couple of feuds under his belt, than maybe you stick the fucking belt on him. I’m sick of the WWE putting titles on guys to get guys over.

All I see now, is a guy with decent in ring talent, but no history and no character build up for me to fall in love with. I don’t see enough of this guy’s character to follow him. Same thing with Jeff Hardy, I like watching his matches a lot, but every time he goes on the mic, it’s just like nothings there, sorry.

For a champ to succeed today the performer must be able to do three things.

1) Work a decent match

2) Have Charisma

3) Can talk on the mic like a motherfucker.

CM Punk is exactly what JBL says he is, an asterisk champion, a transitional champion. JBL should play the mega arrogant heel champ until a true heel champion dethrones him at Wrestlemania 25. Remember this Punk marks, HHH should retain against Khali, Undertaker and Edge will close out the show, perfect timing for JBL to win. Yes.

The Real WWE Titles:

Ever since the draft we have seen an amazing amount of changes in the WWE Universe, HHH and Fat Boy JR going to Smackdown, CM Punk as your WWE Champion, a sudden influx and believe in younger talent. It seems that the WWE is all of a sudden listening to the fans for once.

Should we be grateful? Of course not. I say it’s about fucking time that they give us fans something good to watch and talk about. We pay hard earned money and spend valuable time to watch their stuff.

Should I should be thankful now that the scene is finally not dominated by Cena being champ?

Should I be thankful that we finally get to see some young guns come on the scene? Don’t be fucking naïve people. We deserve this sort of entertainment, because while real guys with real lives are out fucking girls and drinking wine, we are home watching and analyzing wrestling angles for god’s sake.

But I for one am not fooled. The reason that the WWE is finally giving us a good show is because they want to make more money!!! Money, Money, Money. See it seems that the WWE is clearly trying to pump up their ratings, thus this sudden influx of changes. Maybe they wanna generate more commercial money or stimulate their stock with higher ratings.

It’s good, don’t get me wrong, as a fan, I’m happy to see these changes, but I know the reason behind it. Money controls everything. If Vince McMahon was told that Santino Morella shirts were outselling John Cena shirts 100 to 1, you can bet your bottom dollar that Morella will be WWE champion. See there really is no WWE champion. But what we do have are Merchandise Champions and Ratings Champions.

Merchandise Champions:

This one is very simple to identify by the powers that be in the WWE. Sales and figures do not lie, if John Cena Shirts are selling by the boat loads, then by god, we are going to push and broadcast John Cena more on TV. I can guarantee you that this is the true honor that Cena values.

It’s not the WWE Title Belt. Sure the WWE Title belt would be a nice bonus, but in the end, Merchandise Revenue is what counts because it shows a person’s popularity and don’t forget, wrestlers get a percentage of the revenue for their Merchandise sold. If your merchandise sells, you know your are in Vince’s good graces.

Ratings Championship:

Identifying a Ratings Champ is something different altogether. To find out the holders of this title, one must go to the Nielsen ratings. This is where you will see which segment of Raw gained and lost it’s viewers.

This is a very important factor which dictates how much you will see a performer on TV, even though this certain performer may not be selling much merchandise. I truly think that this statistic benefits the heels most. Lets face it, a lot of people probably wants to see JBL get his ass whooped on Raw, but none of these people are likely going to buy a JBL T-Shirt, based on merchandise sales alone, JBL might have been off television and out of the WWE along time ago, but because peoples hatred of him is so high, that when people see him cutting a promo or compete in a match, people would stick around and watch and hope to see him get his ass handed to him.

This is why if you look at Nielsen reports, you will clearly see that segments involving JBL gains viewers, kind of like the Howard Stern phenomena back when Stern was just getting hot in the New York radio market. People who like his show tune in for an average of one hour a day, but an average person who hates him actually tunes in to him 4 hours a day. See the analogy here people.

The two factors that I have pointed out above is the exact reason why you are see certain wrestlers pushed a lot more than others. I’m a genius thank you.

TNA Sucks Balls

TNA sucks, period. WWE’s trash is TNA’s gold. How in the world could one put Matt Fucking Morgan or Tyson Tomko in the main event. These guys were class C rejects in the WWE, and they ain’t looking much better in TNA. TNA in my opinion is worse than WCW pre Hogan. At least WCW had their own stars like Flair, Sting, Vader, The Steiners, Arn Anderson, Brian Pillman, and Lex Luger.

What homegrown talent does TNA have? Abyss is a good performer I’ll give you that, but can anyone see him and that mask and not think of Mankind? Jeff Jarrett has zero charisma. Christopher Daniels has been turned into a clown. Samoa Joe does not deserve to be champion and is not drawing money. The rest are just a bunch of guys jumping around the ring during spot after spot after spot and selling nothing.

The situation hasn’t gotten any better with the arrival of ex WWE talent. Kurt Angle is a walking time bomb. The guy was basically let go because of his drug problem and if he does not cut down on the prescription drugs he will end up dying in the ring of heart failure. Christian will always be remembered as Edge’s tag team partner his run as NWA champ is almost forgettable. Booker T, failed a drug test in the WWE, and left because he didn’t want to be suspended.

I’m telling you now people, if these ex WWE guys can’t cut the schedule or is too weak to negotiate a reduced work schedule with Vince than they should stay at TNA, shit TNA is dumb enough to pay these guys all this money while the ratings have not really improved for shit. What is it with all these gimmick matches anyway? You are already competing in a six sided fucking ring. Every single match that I see is always either interfered with by 3 or 4 guys or you always have these stupid stipulations.

Wait I forgot about this one other guy who is in TNA right now. Sting. Sting I loved you in WCW, you have a great gimmick with the black crowe gimmick. But enough is enough. Either get in the WWE while you still can and feud with the Undertaker or fucking retire. You are wasting your time with TNA, but seeing how driven by money you are, I guess it would be hard to say no to all the money that they are paying you to work ten shows a year. Please Sting. Just retire.

Then there we have the fat champ, Samoa Joe. Joe, just lose some fucking weight please. You are fucking fat. Umaga looks fat too, but his fat is solid. Your fat can do waves and bounces. You are supposed to be the brightest spot in TNA right now who is not from the WWE, please get in some fucking shape and work on your fucking mic skills.

You are supposed to be in the best shape of your life, doing your all to look good, wrestle good, and talk good. You are the fucking champion for god’s sake. Instead you remind me of the fucking Hamburgler from MacDonalds. Sure you wrestle well, but that’s not enough. You are supposed to be professional and look your best; you are the current franchise of the company.

Imagine if Christian Bale showed up on set for the Batman movie, all fat and overweight, you would say he is unprofessional and doesn’t look the part of Batman. This is the exact problem with Samoa Joe, he does not look the part and is certainly now drawing as proven by the constant 1.1 rating that TNA draws. If I was in TNA management, this is what I would do:

1) Change the fucking ring back to four sides, bring in Paul Heyman and let him run the show. ECW back in its day was ten times more exciting with half your budget.

2) Get fucking assholes like Double J out of the writing sessions and let Paul Heyman run the show. Paul Heyman can save TNA.

It’s that simple.

For all you fucking TNA marks out there right now hating me, realize this. TNA is a fucking business, and they are not making money, that Panda group that is financing TNA will one day stop the thing before it bleeds dry. Some of you fucking morons may enjoy TNA because you think it’s different from the WWE and that it relies less on storylines and relies more on wrestling. I won’t even argue this bit, but understand this fact. WWE makes a profit and TNA does not.

If TNA does not turn itself around within two years time they will go out of business. I want TNA to succeed don’t get me wrong, I want TNA to give WWE a run for it’s money, bring back wrestling to when it was at it’s height during the Monday Night Wars. But unless TNA picks itself up from it’s ass, they are going down and fast.

Olympic Rant:

As everybody knows the Olympics is coming up, I don’t know about you, but the only event that I’ll be watching is the free style gymnastics for men, see I love to see guys balls hang out in a tight pair of gay stretchy pants. But seriously, all joking aside, I love men who are flexible enough to suck and kiss their own dicks.

What’s my beef on the Olympics? Well basically the event is boring as hell, it’s like a whole full month of watching Bobby Lashley or Mark Henry matches only. Ughh. I don’t know what’s so special about the Olympics anyway, I hear the Olympics and I think of sports that know one would pay to see. You know your 100 meter dash; you water polo, track, and long distance running?

Shit I don’t get it. The Olympics is a mosh pit of sports that no one cares about. Does anybody remember who won the female free style swimming Gold medal at the last Olympics? Exactly.

By the way I’m Chinese, but I’m not happy at all. China spent 40 billion for the Olympics, 40 fucking billion. Why don’t they take some of that money and help the people who are still trying to recover from the massive Sichuan earthquake. Victims who lost their families and homes. Instead, the Chinese pumps all it’s time and energy on the fucking Olympics. The fucking stadiums will be left empty and useless once the Olympics ends anyway, mark my words.

The Olympics should be shunned.

That’s it for my first and hopefully not last posting on the main page. I want to thank two talented columnists who have heavily influenced and helped me out when I just wanted to stop writing: aisce and Uncle Joe.

But in case I never make it back, you can find my stuff in the LOP Forums in the Columns section. I post roughly once every 8 to 10 days.

I wanna thank the people who voted for me and got me here. My style is not really special or spectacular; I just had a good rant on Brooke Hogan which basically got me here on the main page. So thanks Brooke, you dumb cunt. Err… But I’m getting of my point. My point is, there are tons of columnists who are better than me in the LOP Forums like Anonymous or manwiththeplan just to name two. So go check it out when you wanna read wrestling. Thanks for reading and please leave feedback to dilnaylomo@yahoo.co.uk if you wanna praise me or diss me.

WWE News: When You Can Catch The Supplemental Draft, Jim Ross Apologizes, Cole Comments

– The administrator of the WWE Fan Nation site announced that the WWE Supplemental Draft will be taking place tomorrow at noon on WWE.com. The WWE Fan Nation plans on holding a live blog with Howard Finkel and other WWE.com editors to give their expert analysis of the draft picks live as they happen. No other details have been revealed about the draft. They wrote: “The amount of picks and the format of the Supplemental Draft are still unknown, but we’ll be holding a Live Blog here on WWE Fan Nation tomorrow as all the action unfolds.” Last year’s Supplemental Draft featured 13 draft picks, so you can probably expect the roughly same amount tomorrow. And just a few moments ago, WWE put up an announcement on the front page of the site regarding the draft. For their preview, click here.

– Jim Ross has posted a follow-up blog on his website apologizing for his comments in his first blog earlier today. Ross wrote: “Changes in one’s life take some adjusting to especially at my stage of the game. This week I received an unexpected change in my professional address. Within hours of writing an emotional blog, I am positively moving on. I am going to do all I can to make Smackdown the best program the WWE produces.” He also added: “The abruptness of the “trade” shocked me. I most likely responded in a non professional way in the eyes of some fans. That’s their prerogative and each has the right to their opinion, As do I. Not to be cliche, but wrestling has been great to my family and me. I owe it to the business to “man up” and to kick ass on Smackdown. That’s my plan. My emotions are what they are and I will not apologize for my candor or honesty. My feathers were ruffled…poor me. I still bring bona fide passion to every broadcast and fully expect to deliver come show time.” Ross closes his post by saying: “For those of you that were offended by my earlier rant I apologize. For those that think “old J.R.” can’t get the job done, I suggest you sit back and watch. I wish my good pal The King and Michael Cole great success but my professional priority is to help Smackdown kick ass. In more ways than one, “the game is on.” You can read the blog in its entirety at this link.

– WWE.com posted an after-Raw video interview of Michael Cole and Jim Ross talking about the announcer swap. Even WWE.com is acknowledging Ross’ unhappiness regarding the move. They wrote: “Michael Cole and J.R. talk about swapping announce teams with the Draft – a move that made Ross none too happy.” You can see what they have to say at this link.